Wedding

[MumofHennHals]

We are getting married next August,

We are going to do a rehearsal dinner - people don't need to attend, but happy for people to attend, AIBU if I ask people to contribute £50 to pay for their set menu / unlimited 2 hours worth of drinks if they decide to come to it?

How also could I word this to say it's an 'option' and it'll cost them £50

This!

Great—this is going to turn into something like baby showers, where it gets adopted from the US but without the same etiquette and British people say it’s “grasping.”

Oh... you're the "no shorts at my Spanish destination wedding poster"

YABVU

I would just say.

"Some of the family are having a meal together the night before the wedding. It's £50 per head, let me know if you would like to come "

It’s a tradition but it’s for the bridal party and parents/ family. Not for friends who want to come. They get to come next day to the wedding. Keep it to those that need to attend.

Which really annoyed me because it's not a UK thing and Emily and her family wouldn't have done it.

Nothing wrong with giving people the opportunity to get together the night before as long as it's clear it's entirely optional, just don't call it a rehearsal dinner because it isn't.

I have no idea of the point of a rehearsal dinner and no I wouldn’t pay to go to one

I’d send a message out something like:

I know you’re going to be in town the night before if you’d like to join us for dinner you’d be welcome, it’s a set menu at 50pp… Hope this is ok? No pressure but if you fancy it do come along!

This is a ridiculous comment. This food will be fresh and they will know how to cook local food really well. It's not like eating seafood in the uk

Op sorry if I've misunderstood but you absolutely cannot ask some to pay and not others. That's so rude. Do not invite anyone you won't be paying for. If you can't afford it then don't do it. How will you pay the bill or ask for money??

I’ve never heard of a “rehearsal dinner” and I think it sounds laughably self obsessed to be honest. Another example of the insanity around weddings.

If you have close friends who have told you they want their do this then ask them verbally but if I received an invitation to something like this asking me to shell out £50 for yet another ancillary Bridezilla exercise which wasn’t part of the main event I would bow out of the actual wedding.

Ridiculous.

I think you shouldn't call it a rehearsal dinner, so it sounds less like a part of the wedding. Instead you can let people know that if they want to meet up the evening before the wedding, a number of you will be having dinner at x restaurant at x time, where they have a great deal of dinner and drinks for £50. Ask them to let you know so you can book a big enough area for people to sit together.

I've gone to a couple of wedding where there was a more informal drinks in a pub the night before for people who'd travelled for the wedding, and never expected the couple to foot the bill.

Are your friends all wealthy? If so, fine. If not, £50 per head is really steep to not be the ones left out. If the latter is true, I would knock this idea on the head. Why not just have the paella party for your wedding breakfast? Please remember that the only people obsessed with your wedding are you and the groom. for everyone else, they are already paying through the nose to wish you well at your nuptuals. Attending a wedding is expensive and time consuming. please just be cpnsiderate of this fact.

I always thought rehearsal dinners were just for plot twists in US shows, so that something could be dramatically revealed wthout the couple being actually married yet. Time to find out if you or your DP have a secret child / brother / lover, or if your parents had affairs with each other...

I know! Bet you're so glad you started this thread OP. We'd go, sounds lovely.

Tbh I was expecting a formal sit down meal etc with it being called rehearsal dinner.

Your night before sounds lovely and chill, just don't call it a rehearsal dinner 🙊

Maybe, if there is a lot of cutlery it is to avoid any embarrassments on the day if someone were to use their fish knife to eat their pudding (although I think it is called dessert these days) or their oyster fork to get a pickled onion out of the jar for the Cheese Course?

Just tell anyone who asks that there's a paella night happening in the venue the night before, and it's £50pp.

I suspect you will quickly discover how many people actually want to do this- either because they won't want to spend 50 quid on dinner they didn't pick, or they don't want to spend two evenings on the bounce in the same venue (I personally wouldn't bother).

I wait with baited breath for your more helpful contribution

Dunno, plenty of paella in Spain and we manage not to get sick. I wouldn´t expect getting sick from an upmarket venue, actually.

I don’t think you need to pay for people to come to it! It’s no different to a birthday dinner or anniversary or anything is it. Mumsnet has an odd attitude towards weddings in general so I wouldn’t worry about it.

as others have said ‘we’re going to x restaurant at x time. If anyone would like to join us, the menu is £50 a head including x- we’d love to see you there, just let me know if you’d like to make it!’ Or something similar, will be perfect!

Well it sure as hell wouldn't be a total cringefest like that. Several people have posted much more sensible suggestions that aren't so ridiculously ott

Still waiting for a contribution of any use to the OP and that justifies slating the efforts of other posters.

Not slating other posterS plural. Most have sensible & appropriate. There's only been one that was cringeworthy

🤣