Wedding

[MumofHennHals]

We are getting married next August,

We are going to do a rehearsal dinner - people don't need to attend, but happy for people to attend, AIBU if I ask people to contribute £50 to pay for their set menu / unlimited 2 hours worth of drinks if they decide to come to it?

How also could I word this to say it's an 'option' and it'll cost them £50

This

I think it's in poor taste to make people pay. And, £50 is a fair chuck of money.

Stick to what you've planned.

Tough tittie if others want to come. It's not their wedding.

The point of a rehearsal dinner is go over speeches, taste test the food, and be with your nearest and dearest. They aren't that dear to you if you're making them pay to be there.

Only pay for what you can afford. Big deal if others hear about it. It's by invite only and for the wedding party and close family.

Forgive me for the rushed post. Let me explain properly what is happening here.

We are getting married in an 'exclusively' hired venue, which has 16 rooms.

The 16 rooms have been allocated to the bridal party ( bridesmaid, groomsman, our parents and then close family )

The night before, at our venue we are doing a paella night ( our favourite food as my husband to be is Spanish ) it's a set menu of:

Veg paella
Meat paella
Seafood paella
Tapas sides
Seasonal salads
Artisan bread
Homemade desert of the day

Wine ( white red and rose ), Beer and soft drinks

All of which included by the venue for £50 per head.

I've only called it a rehearsal as that's what I thought the dinner the night before is traditionally called.

Our wedding the next day is a sunset wedding, bonfire vibes afterwards etc etc

Some guests are staying in local hotels have have chosen to stay for 2 nights ( night before and day of the wedding ) I guess to prevent travelling on the day and time to get ready without a 4pm check in.

My point being, they want to join us ( they in particular only really know people in the bridal party)- but I simply can't afford for them to join, since they've mentioned it a few other friends have said that would be a good idea. My thought process, the more the merrier the venue has no limits and they know that.

We've included it as part of our exclusive venue hire for those staying on site.

It's more so a 'paella party' as such!

Makes a lot more sense - sounds like a really nice evening! I think you just need to be honest and tell people that there is an open paella evening and they are welcome
to come but it’s 50£ per head. Then they can decide

There’s no way you can do this

I think it would be extremely unreasonable to expect people to pay for something like this. But why on earth do you need a practice dinner?

What they ‘want’ and what you’re organising are 2 different things.

Jusr don’t invite them! Family and bridal party only…. Simple!

God no. Don't send that.

Same, and most weddings I've been to there's been an entirely optional get together the night before. Nobody obliged to attend, nobody minds paying.

I love how people think a rehearsal dinner is to rehearse eating dinner 🤣🤣🤣. Hilarious

@MumofHennHals

That sounds amazing. I'd contact everyone who's staying over the night before & tell them the venue are putting on a paella night for you & anyone who wants to join you. Say it's £50 a head & you realise they'll have spent a lot on attending but just want to let them know this is taking place if they're interested.

DONT call it a rehearsal dinner

Either do a small dinner with limited attendees (bridal party, close family), and pay for everyone, or just do an open invite for anyone to join you at a local pub. I’d be put out to be asked to pay £50

I've only called it a rehearsal as that's what I thought the dinner the night before is traditionally called.
Only in America.

Don't make it a big deal, just:
Hi,

Really looking forward to seeing you on the 18th. If you are coming down the night before we have food and drinks available at the venue if you would like to join us. It's £50 per head for loads of paella and drinks.

Totally up to you, but please just let us know by the 1st.

Love Jane and Fred

Something like that. Don't go formal

Can I join you op???? Sounds lovely. I went to a wedding and joined wedding party night before for dinner and we paid for ourselves snd others did too. Set the tone for Wedding day as we all got to know each other. Honestly tell people it’s an option and to let you know if it’s for them and it’s fine

The only time I've seen a rehearsal dinner was when Monica was marrying Chandler in Friends.Are u American?

It would really have helped A LOT if you had put the information you put at 20.47, in your opening post.

The whole 'rehearsal dinner' nonsense is what everyone is responding to.

The rather niche and not at all usual situation you have described is not common, so how were people supposed to imagine what you were talking about ?

Scotland here it would go like this

Any plans the night before for hotel lot?

Yeah dinner and drinks fifty quid if you fancy it?

Nah, will see what others doing, cheers for info

Or

Fab count us in

We are going to do a rehearsal dinner - people don't need to attend, but happy for people to attend,

WTF? What is a rehearsal dinner? Why do people even know you're having one? Why would they take it into their heads to want to join you?

Is this an English thing??

So many questions. 🤯

Have your dinner with family and bridal party and arrange to meet others for a few drinks in bar afterwards?

I did. Why else is it called a 'rehearsal dinner'?

OK my experience is as follows went to a wedding abroad exclusive location. hired out for whole weekend by bride and groom. there was an event the night before ( not called a rehearsal) but included wine and drinks similar to what your place is providing. this was PAID for by the bride and groom if you wanted different drinks than what was offered then you could buy from the bar. for my own wedding was at home but also exclusive venue that was hired by myself and my husband. lots of people stayed night before but tye difference was that nothing was arranged formally. a few of us went to the restaurant ( that was separate to venue and opened to public that night before wedding ) and had a very informal dinner and drinks aftrr in the bar. this was paid for by friends as a kind gesture - we didn't ask for it however by what you are describing I think you are very very cheeky to ask people to pay. this should be paid for by you or don't bother having anything. we had a bbq the day aftrr the wedding which was similar proce to what yours is. we paid for that for about 50 people. you shouldn't ask people to pay and as people say if can't afford ut don't have it

ps no one has rehearsal dinners and for most of our guests staying night before they didn't come donw at all from their rooms. some were tired from tavelling some wanted peace and quiet some wanted ti get ready and pit tan on etc. my sis had kids to put to bed. far better to have a nice wedding day I think then pit pressure on people to attend night befoee

Mass produced seafood the night before your wedding. Perfect way to wipe out the entire wedding party and added guests about 4 hours later.My brother had prawns last week in a Chinese to celebrate his birthday. Shat himself for 24 hours.

Because, traditionally, it is a dinner provided to the wedding party following a rehearsal of the marriage ceremony , which would take place the afternoon before the wedding. It’s not to rehearse eating dinner 😂😂.

AHEM! Ross and Emily had one as well...