Wedding

[MumofHennHals]

We are getting married next August,

We are going to do a rehearsal dinner - people don't need to attend, but happy for people to attend, AIBU if I ask people to contribute £50 to pay for their set menu / unlimited 2 hours worth of drinks if they decide to come to it?

How also could I word this to say it's an 'option' and it'll cost them £50

This. If you do a rehearsal dinner you pay for it.

@Meredithwho we did the same , we had a lot of our guests staying at the venue the night before as they wanted to make a weekend of it and the all joined us for dinner. It was lovely, we even had local guests join us for the dinner who went home afterwards.

Well, I think it's a lovely idea.

I would keep it informal and say something like

'We are really looking forward to seeing you at our wedding (so excited!!). We are having a rehearsal dinner the evening before, and have the option of inviting more people than just the bridal party and immediate family. If you would like to come, it would be £50 per head and that would include your meal plus unlimited drinks for two hours. We totally understand if you can't make it, but let us know by X date if you would like to be there.

Can't wait to see you!"

And yes, I would include the exclamation marks, but some of you will hate them. I don't care!

Are you American?

I too don't understand this!

If you go ahead with it, separate the drinks. I might pay £30 for a meal, but not another £20 to watch other people having "unlimited drinks" for the evening.

What did you rehearse?

What in the over the top extra Americanised fuck is a rehearsal dinner anyway?

Of course you can invite people to meet you in a restaurant the night before your wedding and to pay for their own food and drinks. You can not invite them to attend “a rehearsal dinner” and expect them to foot the bill though, that is entitled dick behaviour.

I think there's a lot of potential for confusion (yes I know people should read things properly) and you risk people not realising it's optional or not realising they have to pay for their dinner.

I'd be tempted to just do something more casual like tell people where you're eating out the night before the wedding if they'd like to join.

Daft idea. Just book an area of a pub and invite them all.

And this is the reason you don't want to do it....

I don't want three courses, only two, I don't want to watch people stuffing themselves with dessert when I'm happy with two courses, what's my discount?

Or you might not have had alcoholic drinks but you had unlimited soft drinks, what then.

It's a nightmare!

Maybe the want to join you because they think it’s free?
I don’t understand how this even gets brought up tbh, it’s an American thing. I’d be massively pissed off to be invited (how would one politely refuse?) when the main event is the next day anyway.

Are you in the US?

Don't call it a rehearsal dinner, just say meal the night before, if they want to join its £50 per head, no worries if they don't want to

When I got married in a church, the night before we went to church for a rehearsal.

This is where the groom stands, this is when the bestman passes the rings across etc
It was me, my dh, my dad, my bridesmaid, the best man.

I assume a rehearsal dinner is the people who have been at thst, eating together afterwards.

Personally op I'd keep it to the bridal party. It's normal for the bridal party to spend the night before anyway. I wouldn't be including others if you can't pay for them all. If they ask say you just can't afford to include anyone outside of the bridal party. If they insist on paying then fair enough but I'd let them make that offer first I wouldn't be suggesting it. Usually people are happy enough to do their own thing the night before and you also don't want people drinking a lot the night before and not being in party mode for the actual wedding!

We had the rehearsal in the church and then went to the pub where a lot of guests were staying. Everyone paid for their own food and drinks but it was all very casual. Wouldn’t dream of of inviting people to a pre dinner and expecting them to pay.

Noone has a rehearsal dinner

If you are having the rehearsal for the wedding party suggest going to a local pub for some food afterwards but everyone buys their own. Or back to yours for a takeaway

Yes you can’t ask people to pay. But I also wouldn’t be offended if I wasn’t invited to the dinner! (Despite it being standard practice in America I’m also confused by the point of a rehearsal dinner the night before the wedding)

I thought your initial post was a bit cheeky but reading on it looks like other people would be into coming,

I'd just say we are having dinner at <venue> the meal will be £50 you are very welcome to come you can let us know so we can book you in.

I’ve never heard of a rehearsal dinner.

what is it and why does it cost so much?

Yes we had a rehearsal for the immediate bridal party (which was tiny) at the church. Then everyone just went home tbh as they were local.

I suppose if people were flying in or travelling, fine, but the etiquette when I’ve gone abroad for a wedding is generally that they host a large gathering.

in no way is that a “rehearsal dinner” though. I genuinely don’t understand what a rehearsal dinner is supposed to be / it sounds like a rehearsal of the wedding breakfast which is insane.

agree with everyone saying just say you’re going to xyz for food if they want to join. If you sell it as a wedding themed dinner you will need to pay.

Don’t call it a rehearsal dinner, it’s tacky and meaningless unless you’re paying (or more traditionally the parents of the groom, I believe?)

‘For those of you arriving the night before the big day, we’re having dinner here and have negotiated a set menu with unlimited drinks for £50 per head. Let us know if you will be joining so we can book a big enough table - otherwise see you in church!’

I have never heard of that tradition, and I’m getting on a bit, but it seems an unnecessary expense imo. Just a quiet family dinner would be fine.

A rehearsal dinner is traditionally for close friends and family and out of towners and wouldn't be pay your own.

However if you wanted to say

"We'll be eating at x the night before the wedding. They are offering a set meal and drinks for x. Please let us know if you'd like to come so we can book you in. They take credit cards only and you can pay on the night " (or whatever the arrangements are).

Will you get stung if people say yes then change their minds?