Wedding

[MumofHennHals]

We are getting married next August,

We are going to do a rehearsal dinner - people don't need to attend, but happy for people to attend, AIBU if I ask people to contribute £50 to pay for their set menu / unlimited 2 hours worth of drinks if they decide to come to it?

How also could I word this to say it's an 'option' and it'll cost them £50

As a wedding caterer we often get booked for pre wedding day buffets for those who have travelled and are staying in the area, and a lot of post wedding day bbq brunches too. But it's definitely not normal to have a rehearsal dinner in this country.

You want an American style rehersal d8nner than you pay for it, if you want to host then you need to pay for it. It is quite simple but I suspect ypu want this for the insta photos.

I would decline the invitation as its another cost for a wedding that I'd rather not pay out for.

I would not call it a rehearsal dinner.

Just say you're thinking you might go to a restaurant the evening before, and people are welcome to come.

The last wedding I went to DH was best man, and we went out for dinner with the groom, and the other groomsmen and their partners the night before. There was never any suggestion the groom might pay for everyone else, no one thought that. It wasn't part of the wedding, it was just that we'd all travelled to a hotel and so would obviously need to be going out to eat somewhere, let's go together and make a nice evening.

If it's an "official" rehearsal dinner as part of the wedding events, you should pay.

Have a wedding you can afford. It’s incredibly distasteful as a host to ask your guests to pay for your wedding.

I was going to say it’s mostly a USA tradition as I did this when I was bridesmaid for an American friend of mine. It was fun and an ice breaker (I barely knew anyone there coming from England) though.

@MumofHennHals it's not a tradition in the UK at all. Surely it's just a get together meal the night before the wedding? Otherwise, what are you rehearsing??

Yes, it's American. It's traditionally given by the groom's family for the wedding party and out-of-town guests. I've been to many, including when DH and I married, and hosted one (when my son got married). I've never been to one where guests were asked to pay. In the US (especially the South were I live) that would be a major no-no.

I do see why you want to do something, OP. Just don't call it a rehearsal dinner. Just call it a going-out-to-dinner-with-us- and-you-pay-for-yourself-dinner. That way you can avoid importing another American tradition and leaving out an essential aspect (see also: Baby Showers).

I had a meal out the night before my wedding and my friend had drinks with the bridal party and anyone who wanted to join.

I think it's nice especially for people travelling.

Just send a message saying you're going out for dinner the night before.
Tell them venue and price and give a deadline to confirm.

Don't call it a rehearsal dinner. You don't need to and if it's 'officially' part of the wedding people will probably expect you to pay for it and might feel obliged to come.

Where did she say it was the night before the wedding?

What in the over the top extra Americanised fuck is a rehearsal dinner anyway?

It's no more over the top than having two wedding receptions (the second for lesser invitees), which is definitely not the norm in the US, but seems to be in the UK.

I’ve been to a couple of weddings quite far from where I live and all the people staying at the venue have got together for an informal self funded meal the night before the wedding. This would be better, it’s tacky to have a do if you can’t afford it.

Your options are to have a meal with the bridal party that you pay for or to have a more casual meet up somewhere that people who are around the night before the wedding can go to if they wish and that you can prime them with possible costs. I wouldn't refer to it as a rehearsal dinner in the latter scenario. You can't pay for some and not others imo.You might find that you don't want to be socialising the night before the wedding so don't let yourself in for too much.

In her second post

What on earth is a "rehersal dinner"? Never heard of this.

Either you have an American style rehearsal dinner with people in posh frocks etc and you fund it, or you meet you family and friends at a gastropub or chain restaurant and split the bill. As just about everyone has said.

It’s lovely to meet up with people the night before the wedding, but please let’s not make it into a mini wedding breakfast.

Tbf I had never heard of this before MN - it’s super weird doing that

In the US, there is usually a rehearsal of the wedding in the late afternoon the day before the wedding (often a Friday). After the rehearsal, there is a dinner, which can be anything from a casual barbecue at someone's home or a black tie affair at a restaurant or private club. Traditionally, it is hosted by the groom's family and includes the wedding party and out of town guests. This tradition is based on the fact that weddings were usually in the bride's hometown, with the groom's side often from out of town.

At the rehearsal dinner, the bride and groom give gifts to their attendants, and there is often a video/slide show with pictures of the bride and groom from infancy to adulthood. All the ones I have been to have been very enjoyable, sometimes more so than the wedding reception.

In the US we have a rehearsal dinner the night before the wedding and ONE reception after the ceremony. It's a good system. No angst about who's going to which, I'm so hurt I'm only an evening guest, etc. The rehearsal dinner is given by the groom or his family and takes place after the wedding rehearsal, usually the night before the wedding. Out-of-town guests are often invited if finances allow, but in my experience never asked to pay.

I've never heard of it.
Can't you rehearse eating your dinner with your family then catch up for drinks with friends after?

The rehearsing eating dinner thing has been done many many times on this thread and it wasn't that funny the first time.

People are just being dicks for the sake of it (as usual).

I wouldn’t call it a rehearsal dinner, as otherwise you’ll get all the thickos people like on this thread not understanding what it is “oH YoU pRaCtIsE eAtINg dINneR???!”

but it’s perfectly fine to say you’re having dinner locally and if anyone wants to join it’s £50 a head otherwise look forward to seeing them at the wedding

Worded like that no one would expect the B and G to pay. That's perfectly normal.

It's not tradition the way you're describing it. Just call it going out for dinner and people will understand you aren't paying.

If it was just the people attending the rehearsal the name would make more sense to me.

You could mix it up and invite people to a casual but happy send off at the pub or a cheaper restaurant - with no expectation that you're paying.

We did that ("we'll be at X pub from 7pm the night before, please join us") and it worked really well. Didn't buy anything for anybody too, which was great as the wedding itself was expensive !