His comment when the bill came ....

[mrprott]

I went in a date recently.
I was a little anxious before hand about the discomforts of f the bill situation but was and am adamant about splitting bills on dates bar coffees or waters etc.
I knew midway through meal that he was a test so decided to enjoy rest of meal and put it down to experience.
I suggested at the end we call for the bill. It came. He looked at it , sat back on his chair and with a swerve of his hand pointing at the bill said ..'do you want me to pay for this or what ?' In a really nonchalant voice ..
I nearly died 😂🤣🙈
I was so shocked at how he spoke to me.... this boastful, popular , millionaire( his words ? with his jaguar and photos of his palatial spread ....
The waiter caught sight of this and got awkward and left ..
I said of course we're splitting it but in my fifty years of living on this earth, I have never been asked anything like this in such a way and I was mortified.
He didn't understand this at all???
Shrugged his shoulder and that was that ..
AIBU ?

Sounds like he passed the twat test anyway.

I can just imagine it. Offering to do something nice but it just comes across like a gobshite.

Sorry what?

I'm sure this guy is not worth the time of day. But I'd think it best if you always split the bill and you find it anxiety making how this is discussed when the bill arrives, to say before the date, or on meeting, or while ordering -'let's just split the bill', then it's all sorted and you can enjoy your meal..otherwise it seems a bit of a test or a game. I mean , to wait and see how he deals with it, if he offers, how he offers, which is implied by your post I think.

me neither! - an unpopular view on mn though!

Was the grub nice?

I don't understand why everyone is so confused. It's obvious what OP means about him being rude and tbh just strange. I would be taken aback by a comment like this too, he sounds awful

It's blatantly rude, unpleasant and bad-mannered

Well OP wanted to split the bill so if he'd just paid it she'd still be unhappy. And posters on here would say hes a misogynist bastard and she should never see him again.
I don't think men can ever win , but in MN world anyway.

She’s already said he wasn’t particularly.

You both probably think of each other as lucky escape... dating will becomes very costly for the man if he is expected to pay every single time, quite clearly he is aware the date won't go any further...

He wanted you to say, ‘Let me.’

I’m afraid I agree with bits of this.
And I think it’s his awareness of these undercurrents that has made him approach it a little awkwardly.

I’m all for an anti-misogynistic world but I do feel in some ways we have become a rather prickly, touchy, sex inclined to flare a little indiscriminately at times.

It's hard to get the tone from just reading it. I took it like he was probs trying to avoid that awkward moment by saying "I can just like pay for it if you want?"

But you were there so if you say he was obnoxious I'll believe you. But surely it's hardly surprising he was twat if he was flexing wealth and cars. I'd not have gone on a date full stop.

Yuck 🤢

side note- are jaguars aspirational cars?

I think from your conversions he figured out you would give him a pass, so he does not want to pay for you, although could do it more nicely

Well, regardless of the rights and wrongs of the situation, it doesn't sound like you like him much so well done for finding that out on date 1 rather than wasting any more time on someone you're not compatible with.

If everyone managed to do that, this site would have virtually no users.

@Worriedpanda50 it's a bank

Lucky escape. Onwards and upwards!

I really don’t understand what you’re upset about, obviously it must have been something that you’re not conveying here. You wanted to split, he asked if you’d like him to pay or something else? What did you want???

😂
I think they might be in the range....

Never occurred to me 😂 I have a jaguar I wonder if people on my road think I’m a millionaire 😂😂😂

She wanted him to split the bill without making defensive, rude, adversarial and completely gauche scene of it so that it was no longer merely splitting the bill and was in fact a display designed to make OP uncomfortable and subtly insult her.

There's not actually a single poster who doesn't understand this. You know it, we know it. So I guess the real question is: why are so many people pretending to think that this is an acceptable way to behave?

The correct answer on a first date is always let's go Dutch.

Depends what THEY drive and where you live 😊
This guy though is really a waster 💭

If I can offer a dating tip- never pick up any shame or embarrassment that rightfully belongs to your date.

There was nothing in this exchange that should cause you a flicker of mortification.

I know this will seem like I’m picking apart your phrasing, but women are conditioned, from childhood, to accept responsibility for men’s bad behaviour, through language among other means.

And the best protection from negging, boorish behaviour and any other undesirable carry on, is recognising that it’s always about them and not you.