Bloody Prize giving

[AllienOlliemum]

I have 3 DC in the same school, it's a grammar school and tends to achieve very good results. Every year they do prize giving. There are two award categories, Excellence and Effort.
Last year I queried what exactly excellence is in this case and was told "The excellence awards are decided by each department as a whole and considering attainment, attitude, progress and effort" the second award category is simply for effort.
In the upper school (Y10-13) 3 students are selected for each subject and ranked 1st, 2nd and 3rd for excellence, and 3 students (if enough uptake of the subject) are given effort, not ranked). In Lower school (Y7-9) 5 students are selected for excellence, not ranked and 5 for effort not ranked.

Today the upper school prize giving awards list was sent out. The actual ceremony is at the end of June but I guess it's because some leavers will have to plan around it. My eldest DD is in Y11, sitting her GCSEs and for the 5th year running not a single award. She has fantastic predicted grades and we are frequently told how hardworking and diligent she is. As per usual though it's the same kids as always. In fact one girl has an award in every single subject she must have taken, 7 Excellence awards and 3 Effort! With 1st in 5 of those! She also seems to have won the award for an essay writing competition and the award given by the historical society!
My other two children (Y8 and Y9) have also never received an award to date but the lower school awards aren't announced until middle of June.
Last year I queried how it is possible one child wins all the awards and was told the departments select their own winners and can't know who the other departments have chosen.
There are also non academic awards such as Integrity, but typically it's always the same students who get these too.

AIBU to be massively pissed off with this bloody system which is centred around favouritism!
It's every good damn year!

Some children, like my dd, just do, and she knows it’s frustrating for her classmates but short of not putting in the work there’s nothing she can do about it!

DS won nothing all through y7-11 but in y13 won everything.

Awards should be given based on merit otherwise they’re pointless. Kids would know by the age of 16 if they’re being given something because it was ‘their turn’.

If the kid is smashing it it is what it is. If someone is out performing everyone that is factual. Time for life lessons for your kids (and you by the sound of it).

So this girl is good at stuff and gets recognised, good for her. I don’t see the issue.

This is the ethos of a grammar school though. It is a meritocracy and some students are just winners in life when it comes to academic abilities. She will probably get prizes for her GCSEs and A levels and then maybe head girl and a place at Oxbridge. That is the way grammar schools work. They are primarily looking for good results.

Perhaps help your dd to realise how fortunate she is to be generally clever. Get her volunteering with some of the more disadvantaged children in her town. Help her to see that actually she is doing well, she is able to read and write, she is probably agonising over whether she will get an 8 or a 9 rather than a 3 or a 4. She will probably still get great grades, go to uni etc. I know when I went to university I was amazed at how easy I found it compared to my peers now that I was no longer in an uber competitive grammar school environment and competing with children who were being tutored to go to Oxbridge. Being in a grammar school warps your perception of your ability. As a parent you might work on helping to address that but don't expect the school to start changing the way they award prizes to make your dd feel better. It is just not the way most grammar schools work.

In a couple of weeks this'll all be old news.

Absolutely no point in getting het up about it now.

Let your DDs achievements speak for themselves somewhere it actually matters - out in the world.
School is a tiny, tiny pond and those "awards" are meaningless really.

I remember my 6th form leaving awards. This was an 11-18 grammar school, where about half of the 6th form have come up through the school from 11 year olds, and the other half joined at 16 from other schools. Well, EVERY SINGLE AWARD went to a kid who'd been to the school from age 11. Not a single one went to a 16+ joiner. Just, total nonsense.

See DD doesn't seem to think she struggles socially, she thinks that the girl is quite picky on who she is friends with but actually very competent socially.
A lot of the kids seem to think she's rude. Though in DSs year (9) apparently she is known as the "hot smart girl" so her reputation as rude seems to only apply to her year.
I think DD doesn't like her as she seems to get favourited a lot.

sweet Jesus

the whole family seem to have round table bitch fests about this teen girl

Some kids are excellent students. There were a handful of kids in my year that dominated every subject they had. Some kids are a joy to have in the classroom, they might not be naturally gifted but they bloody try and go out of their way to help the teacher.

Most kids are average, aren't academically gifted, don't try the hardest, aren't battling any challenges. Just average, middle of the pack kids. That's fine. There's nothing wrong with not being special or the best. But you don't get awards for average.

This post reeks of jealousy. I cant believe you are showing so much contempt for a 16 year old girl. Your comments are disgusting. Women need to be proud of other women/girls achievements.

But the prizes for Excellence are ranked 1,2 and 3 and factor in attainment, so if this one kid is getting the top Excellence prize in multiple subjects, surely it's because her marks over the year are the best in the class in addition to her having a good attitude. It would be unfair NOT to give her the prize.

My brother won his school's 100m, 200m, 400m and cross-country gold medals for first place in his age group every single year at his sports day. Do you think they should have just given the first place medal to a boy who consistently came fourth, just because my my brother already had some?

I appreciate that your DD is doing well and works hard, but that doesn't mean she's achieving more or working harder than everyone else. The girl you're talking about clearly is. That's how prizes work - they're not for being good, they're for being best. There will be loads of other kids who are doing really well and work really hard who will also not have received prizes.

I'd also add that if your daughter was the genius in her year, and consistently outperformed everyone else in most or all subjects, your daughter would feel really hurt (and you would be furious) if other parents said it was 'clearly just favouritism' rather than being down to her being the most talented and hardworking. Putting a ton of work into something you're talented at, winning a prize, and then knowing that people are whispering you that you aren't really that good and it's just favouritism is really disheartening and messes with your confidence.

I was a 'try hard'. School work was the only thing I was good at. I was very awkward socially, immature emotionally and just trying to get through the day without somebody saying something awful to me. So I tried hard. Really hard. And I won awards. I like to think I deserved them because I tried so hard. I don't think we should be discouraging children from trying hard.

Not so! DD topped every subject bar Chemistry. Best GCSE results (10xA when A was rare), top A level results including in a subject she studied by herself, top 5 in the country in 2 subjects, subject prizes in three of her A level subjects, form prize every year … she is academically gifted and enjoyed studying.

Pull her out of grammar, send her to comp, she can be a big fish there if that's you want for her.

Should say A star, for some reason the stars disappeared

I think DD doesn't like her as she seems to get favourited a lot

Then how about having a conversation with your DD about how being bitter about others' success is a very unpleasant trait? Oh wait, that might be a bit tricky given that she seems to have learned it from you.

You do sound a bit over knowledgeable about how everyone else is doing. I thought parents generally left that behind at primary school.
At our school, prize day is by invitation only so I wouldn't even know who won awards unless I actively went looking for the info.

I'm a teacher at a school which does prize giving. I think it's a bit of a waste of time as parents are never happy and the upset to students outweighs the pleasure for those who get the awards.

However, I think you sound really unpleasant. Some of the things you gave said about a 15/16 year old are really unkind. These type of "teacher's pet" comments are often aimed at students who are universally liked by teachers because they are really pleasant!

As a head of subject we have to nominate students and its then sort of fixed so the same students don't win all the awards. In the case of some students they would win everything because they are brilliant. A bit like the fact that sometimes the best runner is also the best netballer and tennis player. Some people are good at lots of things!

It’s a selective grammar but you’re not ok with your own kids being discriminated against when others are better at something isn’t that contradictory? You’ve ascribed to a system that judges on attainment and little else…

If she's a try hard, that's why she'll be getting awards for effort.

She’s smarter and prettier than your Dd.

well at least that’s all I’m hearing and a massive case of jealousy.

your Dd goes to a selective grammar. She’s smart but not the smartest. Deal with it!

There should probably be a rule where kids can only win in 3 subjects and maybe an all round excellence award if they happen to be little miss perfect!

Oh you're really really letting yourself and your child down with this attitude.

Like others, I do believe that it’s possible for one child to excel at a lot of subjects. For example if you’re good at English it’s likely that you’re good at other essay type subjects like history too. Same could be said for sciences. And if you’ve got an excellent brain and have the motivation to work really hard then you simply might be really good at… everything!

Also unless you think the school are lying to you about departments choosing awards separately maybe it’s genuinely the case that this girl is head and shoulders above her peers and therefore it would be absolutely clear to her AND the other kids if she didn’t get the excellence award it was because others were given it as a sort of sympathy gesture. I wouldn’t want an award on these terms and it wouldn’t be fair on her.

Plus, sorry to say, I think this does sort of reflect the ethos of grammar schools- at least in terms of the excellence awards side of things- they are not going to be giving people an award for excellence just because they’ve not had one yet.

I personally think you should celebrate your daughter’s own achievements in your own way and encourage her to be happy for the other girl- unless there is any actual evidence of favouritism it sounds like she’s just an excellent student.

DD finds it frustrating. She claims this girl is a bit of a try hard and teachers pet. DD thinks most people at school are very intimidated by her as she's the "full package" (sporty, creative, academic and attractive) but doesn't seem to have many friends.
And do you not find it awful that your ds has this attitude? Have you said to her ‘but having no friends because of her achievements must be tough?’ And that being a ‘try hard’ is why she’s doing well?

I just find it hard to believe that one child is dominating every subject, surely most agree that isn't realistic!

I'm afraid it absolutely is.

Luckily for my siblings I was the youngest @GuppytheCat so they were long gone by that point!

Cant believe the prize is still only a £10 book token, almost 30 years later!