Bloody Prize giving

[AllienOlliemum]

I have 3 DC in the same school, it's a grammar school and tends to achieve very good results. Every year they do prize giving. There are two award categories, Excellence and Effort.
Last year I queried what exactly excellence is in this case and was told "The excellence awards are decided by each department as a whole and considering attainment, attitude, progress and effort" the second award category is simply for effort.
In the upper school (Y10-13) 3 students are selected for each subject and ranked 1st, 2nd and 3rd for excellence, and 3 students (if enough uptake of the subject) are given effort, not ranked). In Lower school (Y7-9) 5 students are selected for excellence, not ranked and 5 for effort not ranked.

Today the upper school prize giving awards list was sent out. The actual ceremony is at the end of June but I guess it's because some leavers will have to plan around it. My eldest DD is in Y11, sitting her GCSEs and for the 5th year running not a single award. She has fantastic predicted grades and we are frequently told how hardworking and diligent she is. As per usual though it's the same kids as always. In fact one girl has an award in every single subject she must have taken, 7 Excellence awards and 3 Effort! With 1st in 5 of those! She also seems to have won the award for an essay writing competition and the award given by the historical society!
My other two children (Y8 and Y9) have also never received an award to date but the lower school awards aren't announced until middle of June.
Last year I queried how it is possible one child wins all the awards and was told the departments select their own winners and can't know who the other departments have chosen.
There are also non academic awards such as Integrity, but typically it's always the same students who get these too.

AIBU to be massively pissed off with this bloody system which is centred around favouritism!
It's every good damn year!

I do think teachers could look a bit further and not choose the obvious choice each time, which leads to the same children going up for numerous awards.

So they should sometimes give the "prize" in the 100m at sports day to the person who came 3rd just to mix it up a bit?

@bbqsalt also posted, "the op thinks it favouritism because her child hasn’t won one
her 18 year old child"

I think it's quite funny that you can't understand a simple post, yet have no problem castigating the OP.

Yes, I see now that you FINALLY realized your reading comprehension fail, but it hasn't given you any grace for the OP.

Edited to redo the post.

personally i don’t see this OP displaying a single characteristic on this thread that deserves “grace”

primary? absolutely “give anyone a medal” mentality

secondary? cut and dry achievement irrespective of how hard or not they’ve worked and how many awards they gather - absolutely

plus progress

and if that means a handful of kids scoop them all… good on them and whether or not my child is part of that handful would be irrelevant and i’d be the first to be start applauding them

Your posts are coming across rather bitter!

In Y9, I came first in year in every single subject. I got the Award for Maths. However, it was mentioned that I'd also excelled in English and Science and History. At my school you could only win one Award. It meant they stretched further. I only won English (my best subject) in Y11.

It's going to be a very boring Award Ceremony then!

Early academic prowess seems to be strongly linked to a tendency to post on Mumsnet.

I'm not sure what that says about all of us former overachieving schoolgirls as a cohort.

I have (genuinely!) six A levels, a less than stellar career and a bit too much spare time at present.

Teacher here.
At my grammar school we also have prize giving with excellence awards. The excellence awards are objective and based on results through the year.
We also have endeavour awards which are a bit more subjective.
Excellence in Y11 this year has about 4 kids winning 1st across most subjects, they are just the brightest kids in the year. Endeavour is more varied. I could see it as being unfair if this was the only way success was celebrated in school but we also have a pupil of the month for each department (generally accepted that once a student has won they don't get it for that department again that year) and they get merits for behaviour/high quality work, with recognition for these every term.
Prize giving also has awards for contribution to the school, sports, charitable work, art and music etc.

If a child never wins an award it's not due to a lack of opportunity, they simply didn't work for it and we don't reward that in grammar school. Gone are the primary school days of everyone is a winner!

Hmm, I'm not sure it's as clearcut as 'simply didn't work for it', unless you know the home life of every student.

My quiet, unassuming friend through secondary school never won awards. But her homework was crammed in around caring for the grandparents they lived with, she shared a tiny room with her sister, they had very little spare money, and she wasn't allowed to use the dining table to work.

She did well regardless, because she was very bright -- but she was limited by circumstances.

I know (because she's since said so) that she envied my easy access to space and time and materials for work.

This is such a horrible comment. You seem to be taking pleasure in the fact she has few friends? Maybe she’s too busy studying to make friends. In that case, at least let her enjoy her awards.
Stop being so bitter and teach your daughter to not have this awful attitude either.

true.

I am not 100% sure why this lady is getting hate, the school gives it to the kid who deserves it, not the kid whose mums are angry that their child isn't at their full potential. Instead of getting mad at the school, take a good look at yourself and your child and see why the school is choosing other people.

What an opportunity to teach your daughter to keep working hard despite not being top. Despite not getting the teacher award. There are way more rewarding and fulfilling opportunities for hard work and diligence than a grammar school trophy. Show her you believe that with your attitude towards this.

Good point.

My brother has a "winner takes all" mentality. He lives his life totting up every last thing that he doesn't have and loathes anyone who earns so much as 50p a year more than him. He even hates musicians he once loved for being rich now, instead of thinking, "wow, they deserve it for bringing so many people the same happiness".

He seems truly miserable, instead of looking at his years of travel, his good wage, his low and almost paid off mortgage.

There's plenty of joy in moderate success.

My daughter is at a sixth form grammar, she has two best friends and all 3 of them are definitely "that girl". Historically DD didn't get as many awards as them as they are both just slightly better than her at exam taking, but for A-levels they have all managed to take different subjects despite taking 4 each so DD has got 1st for Economics, German, History and Politics. One friend for Classics, English Lit, French and Latin and the other for Biology, Chemistry, Maths and Further maths.
Honestly I think it's lovely to see 3 girls take a clean sweep across the top of the board and I'm very proud for all them!
DD didn't quite make the oxbridge cut but both her friends did, one is going to study medicine and the other declined as she wanted to study in a big city! DD has firmed Durham for PPE, friend 1 has firmed UCL for English and friend 2 Oxford for Medicine!
Some kids are just genuinely bright and I don't see what that shouldn't be awarded.
Also it's hard work, since Y10 they have all been studying in the library before and afterschool most days plus meeting up in the park/coffee shop etc. to study.
I think DD having the friends she did really pushed her to achieve more as-well.

OP, your child is at a grammar school so will be in the company of other high achievers some of whom will be achieving higher than your child at this time. Rather than expecting the school to provide awards for everyone why not celebrate their success yourself?

The fact is that there is going to be always someone who is better than you at something. Knowing that this doesn't invalidate your skill and capability is an important thing to learn.

Ha, this reminds me of being a kid. I was never quite good enough to win the 'excellence' prize. But also never shit enough to win the 'tried hardest' prize.

I managed to survive it though

We will have to agree to disagree. One of my DC’s is very academic and very motivated. They and their friends will receive these awards for many subjects. I think it would be good to have awards that incentivise all students, not just the one who are already at the top. Other categories at the awards could do this eg most improved. Being academic is a gift, yes they work hard, but so do a lot of children who are not nearly as gifted academically. All children should be encouraged to reach their full potential. At our school, it just creates a 2 tier system, the gifted children who get the awards get so many of them they don’t really mean anything and the others don’t even bother to think about awards as they know that they won’t get any 🤷🏼‍♀️.

Not all academic children are motivated or put in effort. Not all non-academic children care about awards.

Awards are one way to incentivise and motivate. Just one. If they are diluted to be fair, they lose all meaning and stop motivating anyone. Hence the need for other methods, and teachers/parents to build kids confidence in other ways.

Putting all emphasis on awards, regardless of how they're decided, teaches kids that only by getting the prize are they any good.

Just tell your kids you’re very proud of their efforts and don’t need some crappy award to prove how great they are!
I tell my daughter as it is…. There’s always class favourites and it has no bearing on her behaviour.
I just refuse to go to these ceremonies or be drawn in by them. Same as attendance awards…. Hate them… kids shouldn’t be punished for being sick!

Yes the term 'snowflake' is very much of "these days", but they also existed in "those days", we just used different terms like wuss, crybaby, moaning-minnie, petty, amongst others. So I used the term to describe those of "these" days but it can also be used for those of "those" days .... clear.

If you look at the “winners” the percentage of truly deserving children is so low, it’s laughable. The number of prizes I watched being handed out for Mummy’s handiwork was scary. Teachers shouldn’t be pandering to this nonsense and it’s because they do that I feel that they are shallow. I’m sorry if you think that this is unfair ( I’m guessing you’re a teacher or your children always win) but it should be knocked on the head as a waste of time at best and soul destroying g at worst. Just my humble opinion.

It absolutely happens thatte same child can top in every subject. If they are really intelligent then that tends to translate to excelling acrss te board.Unlike primary school, awards are given out on merit, not by buggins turn!

You do know we are talking about secondary school pupils, year 11? How can prizes be awarded for Mums’ handiwork at this stage?

You’d be surprised, been there yet? Maybe “handiwork” was the wrong word but art, essays, the list is endless.

Yes, been there. Teacher with grown DC. Parents can’t help with the actual written exams, mocks, practical
exams where artwork etc is produced in controlled conditions, playing of the instrument etc. Or with contributing to class discussions or unseen texts. By year 11 it’s blatantly obvious what students are capable if.