Bloody Prize giving

[AllienOlliemum]

I have 3 DC in the same school, it's a grammar school and tends to achieve very good results. Every year they do prize giving. There are two award categories, Excellence and Effort.
Last year I queried what exactly excellence is in this case and was told "The excellence awards are decided by each department as a whole and considering attainment, attitude, progress and effort" the second award category is simply for effort.
In the upper school (Y10-13) 3 students are selected for each subject and ranked 1st, 2nd and 3rd for excellence, and 3 students (if enough uptake of the subject) are given effort, not ranked). In Lower school (Y7-9) 5 students are selected for excellence, not ranked and 5 for effort not ranked.

Today the upper school prize giving awards list was sent out. The actual ceremony is at the end of June but I guess it's because some leavers will have to plan around it. My eldest DD is in Y11, sitting her GCSEs and for the 5th year running not a single award. She has fantastic predicted grades and we are frequently told how hardworking and diligent she is. As per usual though it's the same kids as always. In fact one girl has an award in every single subject she must have taken, 7 Excellence awards and 3 Effort! With 1st in 5 of those! She also seems to have won the award for an essay writing competition and the award given by the historical society!
My other two children (Y8 and Y9) have also never received an award to date but the lower school awards aren't announced until middle of June.
Last year I queried how it is possible one child wins all the awards and was told the departments select their own winners and can't know who the other departments have chosen.
There are also non academic awards such as Integrity, but typically it's always the same students who get these too.

AIBU to be massively pissed off with this bloody system which is centred around favouritism!
It's every good damn year!

and her DD
and even her DS sounds unpleasant

Indeed.
I can just see them all together, ripping this kid to pieces.

i bet they slow clap when this brilliant girl goes up to collect her awards

Catching up on this thread, what is coming through is that schools need to provide a broader education and encourage children to find the things which inspire them and at which they excel, which might not be the "academic" subjects. But I'm still not sure how grammar schools fit with this - surely if you send your child to a grammar, you want them to be given the message that academic achievement is very important and excelling at "academic" topics is what matters?

It is also great individually for our children if they are intrinsically motivated (for example, inspired by something or at least recognising its importance to them and so willing to invest in it) rather than depending on external validation such as school awards and external recognition. Because the reality is that most of us will have to plod through life unfeted and not particularly recognised, and what keeps us going isn't praise and prizes, but the respect of our colleagues, co-workers, friends and family for being "sound" and reliable.

Again, I'm not sure how this fits with external validation being used extensively as a control and motivational tool in schools.

Very interestingly I saw an article just this morning about how a piece of research has shown that today’s young people are ill equipped for the workplace. The article specifically cited a lack of resilience and an inability to accept feedback.

Surely then, for your child this should be seen as an opportunity to build the very skill missing in the work place which if mastered is likely to make her shine later on?

It's not fair that the person who secured the most contracts always gets the bonus. Should I phone her employer and ask them why they do that and suggest they give the bonus to the person who tried the hardest for once.

I remember when I was in school I won the top of the class merit certificate every term, because well I won the most merits. Then my form teacher decided it was unfair that I won it every term and others needed to be given a chance so deliberately let someone else win. It was awful and taught me that actually people don’t want you to always do well (see James Acaster on house of games) so why bother.

OP life isn’t equal as long as it is done in a transparent and fair way why shouldn’t she if she is achieving win. Telling her she can’t because others should means you are saying working hard doesn’t mean anything (and academically even in grammar it’s not equal) and to those you are giving it to it saying it doesn’t matter that you have T achieved here is the award anyway.

the girl who ended up beating me enjoyed at the time but later said actually looking back she hated it because it wasn’t her award but simply the teacher just trying to do something. It didn’t feel right to her either

Ah that’s a shame - I’ve seen them work really well at primary but yes I can see the issue with kids get older.

It happens. Some kids are very academically motivated and capable.

Doesn’t mean they are a better person. Just accept it a move on and don’t embarrass your kid.

Posters are fine with other people’s kids learning resilience (losing to their kid basically - ie when other kids failed the 11+ and OP’s kids passed). But they don’t want their own child being put through tests of character.

This is so unhealthy op. You’re so envious and resentful, and as such will be unable to support and parent your daughter who is feeling the same negative emotions.

well done to the outstanding achiever. Instead of trying to rip other children down, joining in the envy and resentment, you need to understand these awards are merit based, not an equal opportunities prize where everyone gets one.

you need to praise your child for her own achievements, she should only be competing against herself, how other kids do is not for you both to attack . She should be made to feel proud and comfortable with her own achievements, and encouraged to improve where there is gaps.

she has not won a prize as other kids out performed her. It’s that simple. But that doesn’t mean she has not done fantastic in your own sphere.

you write like you’re also a teenage girl, writing in envy over another girls achievements, and not a parent supporting a child to see her way through these negative emotions.

OP, has it not occurred to you that this girl is just brighter and works harder than your daughter?!

If I turn out to be a parent like you, I hope someone has a word with me...

As a teacher, I can assure you it absolutely is realistic. The exceptional children are usually exceptional across the board. You just need to accept that your daughter is not one of those children.

Have you read all of the OP's posts?
And you still think she's getting a hard time?

But those things can be taught with other incentives. Doing away with awards for high achievers means that we'd be penalising them instead.

There's room for all types of recognition. It's up to us as parents to make sure our kids understand the difference, rather than raising kids that are either bitter because they didn't win or think that the world is going to just give them everything because awards were given out fairly instead of for deserving them.

If you are bright, you often excel at many subjects. Esp at GCSE level. It’s often a few kids winning all the prizes. I had one kid a bit like that and one not. A good memory and brain can get you a long way.

Yes, some teachers have favourites, we have seen it. But that is unlikely to result in the across-the-board success we are seeing here.

This girl is in a league of her own. just be pleased for her. I was called a swot and had mean comments directed to me at school in the eighties. It’s not a nice feeling to think others dislike you because of your academic successes.

I think you are being an appalling role model. My kids would be horrified if I spoke like you do. They would have admired and been happy for their peers and they despise petty-minded jealousy. Instead of teaching your daughter tolerance and respect, you are feeding into her bitterness and envy.

And posting the prizes here is embarrassing. You really need to get a life!!

Completely understand you being pissed off OP. I never won any prizes for years (was the quiet one that no one noticed) until my final school year, when they created a brand new MFL prize category/trophy for me as I did what no kid had done before in that school (got A*s in three different languages). That was nice!

I think a really good school can manage to do both.

:D Well I'd never admit it non-anonymously in real life.

Because, as an adult, I know full damn well that no-one cares. I don't even stick my GCSEs on my CV, let alone the school awards!

This is why it's so ridiculous. Most people know these things aren't that important.

That’s what I thought! Seems the rather disappointing outcome for the prize scoopers is growing up to sit bickering on discussion forums ! And we all thought they’d be PM!

If you have 3 kids you should know the score by now surely. This is just how it is.

My eldest never got any awards after year 1. Kids 2-4 never got any awards. Ever.

Dd does gymnastics, judo and swimming but was one of a handful who did no event at all in sports day last year..she sat in a gazebo and did nothing the entire day.

She does ballet, musical theatre and guitar lessons at school but is never picked to join in for whole class music night.

I do think there are favorites but it's not a reflection on who your kids will grow up to be. So my eldest who was never picked for anything ever got really good gcses, top A levels and off to a RGS uni with no inflated ideas he is anything but below adverage and nothing of note.

All it does is make ME feel we're not really part of school community especially when yours is the only kid not running or doing anything on sports day. But I don't voice that especially to my kids. School can be a massive clique that i just brush off as part of life. My kids are fine being below mediocre in the eyes of school.

It’s always been like this- far from new news. Always popularity contests. Not fair but a lesson of life not being fair!

Personally I think these awards are a bit stupid. Most of the pupils I went to school with who recieved them, thought they were stupid too. They know that they are clever and wanted to keep it on the downlow. There were a couple who liked them, but it never ever motivated anyone I knew to work harder to get them.