Bloody Prize giving

[AllienOlliemum]

I have 3 DC in the same school, it's a grammar school and tends to achieve very good results. Every year they do prize giving. There are two award categories, Excellence and Effort.
Last year I queried what exactly excellence is in this case and was told "The excellence awards are decided by each department as a whole and considering attainment, attitude, progress and effort" the second award category is simply for effort.
In the upper school (Y10-13) 3 students are selected for each subject and ranked 1st, 2nd and 3rd for excellence, and 3 students (if enough uptake of the subject) are given effort, not ranked). In Lower school (Y7-9) 5 students are selected for excellence, not ranked and 5 for effort not ranked.

Today the upper school prize giving awards list was sent out. The actual ceremony is at the end of June but I guess it's because some leavers will have to plan around it. My eldest DD is in Y11, sitting her GCSEs and for the 5th year running not a single award. She has fantastic predicted grades and we are frequently told how hardworking and diligent she is. As per usual though it's the same kids as always. In fact one girl has an award in every single subject she must have taken, 7 Excellence awards and 3 Effort! With 1st in 5 of those! She also seems to have won the award for an essay writing competition and the award given by the historical society!
My other two children (Y8 and Y9) have also never received an award to date but the lower school awards aren't announced until middle of June.
Last year I queried how it is possible one child wins all the awards and was told the departments select their own winners and can't know who the other departments have chosen.
There are also non academic awards such as Integrity, but typically it's always the same students who get these too.

AIBU to be massively pissed off with this bloody system which is centred around favouritism!
It's every good damn year!

The OP has said that her child is at a grammar school, which isn’t a thing in the US (as far as I know).

And this is why the world is so full of snow flakes.

My kids secondary go awards for each subject. Eldest came home y7 with award for attitude from tutor. Great. Y8 came and I said to her not to expect an award every year as there are 200 kids in the year group at least. Y8&9 she’s got awards but in different subjects those times. She’s not a top academic. Top middle really. But tries so hard, follows rules as she’s autistic, and generally teachers like her. Never in trouble. No detentions. Not sure if all the awards are the same kids each year. But I’m proud of her for what she achieved in school despite her struggles around being autistic. And no she doesn’t get them as a sympathy thing either before anyone asks as half her teachers often don’t realise she is autistic - I bring it up at parents evening and they seem surprised even though they should all know.

presumably the OP is middle aged and would have been like this as a teen herself

so nothing to do with “these days”

and everything to do with simply being unpleasant jealous petty people

Previous poster didn't say these days. Just that there's a reason the world is full of snowflakes.

It's the generations before "these days" that created the generations of "these days".

yes but snowflake is a term very much associated with “these days”

So you can only be a snowflake if you're a child of "these days"? Not an adult of "these days"?

huh?

im saying that this kind of pathetic nonsense has existed since the dawn of times and isn’t indicative of a trend but rather just unpleasant petty people (the op and her DD)

get it?

But surely PP can use the term snowflake to make that point too? Just because it's a current term, doesn't mean it can't apply.

Snowflakes are people who get upset that the world isn't fair and throw tantrums to get their way. They've existed forever too, it's just that they were called something else back in the day.

Why pull up a PP on the way they've chosen to describe it?

I confess I haven’t read the whole thread so apologies if someone has already said this but all the schools I’ve worked in have tended to have a policy where the same student can’t win more than x number of awards - for example, at one a list was put up of subjects and the department wrote who their chosen winner was, but if they were already on the list twice you had to put your other choice. It’s still rewarding achievement etc but seems a bit more fair than what is being described here.

confused
but also about to flake in front of The Zone of Interest
so i won’t bother for clarity

Teacher here. Sometimes it can look really off when the same child is selected across the board. They are smashing it and it’s apparent. In an academic and competitive setting that’s what you can expect.

That doesn’t mean that the other children are somehow less worthy. They just didn’t score as highly as the winner across the year.

As my Y11 DD regularly tells me. Don’t overthink it. It’s not that deep.

It sounds like you and your DD are jealous of this girl. It doesn’t matter what she is like socially. She has clearly worked hard to gain those awards and I think it would be incredibly unfair, if she was told that even though she deserves the awards the most, she can’t have them because it’s not fair on the children who haven’t had an award, irrespective of whether they truly deserve it or not.
This could be a good opportunity to teach your DD, that it’s okay not to win an award and some children are truly gifted.

Why? Some children just are exceptionally bright and nice at the same time.

My nephew won the cups for Maths and English. He got the highest grades in the school…not down to favouritism but he works hard and is flipping brainy.

It’s good to hear a school not prescribing to that crappy it’s about taking part, because in real life that is such a big lie that has let down the generations of children now going into the working world, because life isn’t fair and equal, better to learn this at school.

These type of events aren’t objective. Don’t bother attending do something positive and enjoyable with your children.

I believe it.

There was a boy like that at my school, in fact there was a joke In the prize giving that he couldn't get back to his seat quick enough before he was up again, so he ended up doing what were in effect, laps

Teachers weren't playing favourites then either, he was just really, really fucking bright.

Never seen anything like it intelligence wise.

YANBU, This used to happen in our school. My DS would normally get one award but generally it was the same children getting all the awards. It was so boring, I used to hate going. Not very aspirational for most pupils 🤷🏼‍♀️, you would think schools could do better.

Or, you know, the other pupils

They could also do better...

Sounds fair to me. I hate pointless awards where they just circulate it to all the students just for the sake of it. Tell your kids to try harder if they want an award.

Mummy anxiety awards!

We all want to see our children recognised. And generally they are. But there's also an element of "at need" children. And we all suspect an element of favouritism.

Are you children happy at school? Do they have teachers they like? Do they have friends they (and you) like? Are they predicted to get grades good enough to take them through to the next stage in qualifications they want to do.

My child has won the cake making award for the past 4 years running. Her cakes are stunningly artistic more like 3D models, with landscapes, marzipan figurines and humour, but even I question how that affects other children.

Tbh, now I think about it. There should definitely have been a stronger taste testing element. Because that would have levelled the playing field and offer better opportunities to others.

To counterbalance she has a stupidly high mensa IQ and is predicted 8's - mostly 9's in all her subjects, popular with students and teachers and currently on the short-list for prom queen.

But did she ever win any an annual award for excellence or effort? Because she even does voluntary litter picking in the community.

If I look back at her Covid stricken school life, and so much effort and enthusiam she's put into school life.

Her sum recognition has been school councillor for various roles and won 4 cake baking awards.

That does not define her time at this school.

So forgive me for being cynical - I sort of think the awards are given to motivate certain children and encourage the less confident ones. Or if a child achieves something that is meaningful to them and should be more widely recognised. And just sometimes for top-performing children.

Your school gives out 6 awards per subject. I doubt it's entirely fair. I imagine children are overlooked for awards.

But unless your child is feeling overlooked - I bet he/she gets plenty of individual recognition and praise from teachers.

The only really important stuff is:

1. Is your child happy, supported and comfortable at school.
2. Will my child achieve enough to get through to the next level
3. Universities will pay more attention to your child's extra-curricular activites (girl guides, cadets, sports, volunteering, Duke of Edinburgh) than school awards
4. It doesn't get critical until A-level grades - because that will mostly define your child's University.

I asked DD about this tonight and what she said was much more in line with what you said. I thought she got four A level excellence prizes just because her marks had consistently been top in the year through sixth form. She said absolutely not and that she had been told by her form teacher after the event that in sixth form it was a mix of academic attainment, contribution of ideas in class and thinking well beyond the A-level boundaries and also mentoring and contributing to demystifying the subjects for younger DC who were struggling /lacking confidence. DD said there is no way someone would have got the prizes even if they were brilliant, had they just sat in the corner. Thank you for raising this - I'm even more proud of her now.

Exactly! In fact I’d just give the prize to the kid who was, say, sixteenth in the year group. 🧛‍♀️

At our school, it is the same children because they are the gifted ones. One of my DC’s is prob one of them. I do think teachers could look a bit further and not choose the obvious choice each time, which leads to the same children going up for numerous awards. It’s not aspirational for other children, being academic is a gift and some may not be as gifted, but may have put in a lot of work and have disabilities, Sen etc. This is just my opinion and what happens in my local high achieving comp school though.

It does sound that she is doing way better even if your dcs do great too.

why are you jealous? If you are so inclined to know how she does it…maybe try to have the mum for a coffee and chat. I bet she won’t though. And if she does come for coffee, she will very well know how and why lol.

celebrate your dcs!! Your opinion matters more than the school

Or they could encourage and incentivise kids differently. Awards for excellence mean nothing if they're given out in a "fair" way to include more people. If it's for excelling at a subject, they can only go to kids who have genuinely excelled.

In life after school, that's how it works. The person who best meets the criteria (whatever that is) will get the job. The person who makes the best offer will get the house. The world doesn't dish out things to everyone in a "fair" way.

School awards and competitions are a way of teaching kids how to deal with that fact. Parents should be helping kids deal with it. Not teaching them to be jealous and nasty to kids who do get them, or throwing tantrums that it wasn't them. These are the people we meet as adults who think they are entitled to everything and lose their minds when they don't get something.