Bloody Prize giving

[AllienOlliemum]

I have 3 DC in the same school, it's a grammar school and tends to achieve very good results. Every year they do prize giving. There are two award categories, Excellence and Effort.
Last year I queried what exactly excellence is in this case and was told "The excellence awards are decided by each department as a whole and considering attainment, attitude, progress and effort" the second award category is simply for effort.
In the upper school (Y10-13) 3 students are selected for each subject and ranked 1st, 2nd and 3rd for excellence, and 3 students (if enough uptake of the subject) are given effort, not ranked). In Lower school (Y7-9) 5 students are selected for excellence, not ranked and 5 for effort not ranked.

Today the upper school prize giving awards list was sent out. The actual ceremony is at the end of June but I guess it's because some leavers will have to plan around it. My eldest DD is in Y11, sitting her GCSEs and for the 5th year running not a single award. She has fantastic predicted grades and we are frequently told how hardworking and diligent she is. As per usual though it's the same kids as always. In fact one girl has an award in every single subject she must have taken, 7 Excellence awards and 3 Effort! With 1st in 5 of those! She also seems to have won the award for an essay writing competition and the award given by the historical society!
My other two children (Y8 and Y9) have also never received an award to date but the lower school awards aren't announced until middle of June.
Last year I queried how it is possible one child wins all the awards and was told the departments select their own winners and can't know who the other departments have chosen.
There are also non academic awards such as Integrity, but typically it's always the same students who get these too.

AIBU to be massively pissed off with this bloody system which is centred around favouritism!
It's every good damn year!

Also, doesn't it rather defeat the point of a grammar school if they take an "inclusive" approach?

If I wanted that ethos, I'd probably have looked elsewhere to educate my DC.

It is frustrating. My DD was always overlooked as she’s shy. We nearly fell over when we saw her name on the award leaflet for a special outstanding award when we turned up (we knew she had some individual subject ones). The only reason she got it is because it was on attainment, the girl with the highest marks in mocks. Then teachers started taking notice of her, especially when they realised her brother had been at the school a few years earlier and won numerous awards. These awards always seem to go to the same kids all the time and it does get annoying. It was a big boost when my DD won, but as I said only because they had no choice but to give it to her due to her results!

You’ve had a hard time on here OP. This thread reminded me of my History teacher who would never pick me for an award - even when I got the highest marks in the country in my A-level, she still awarded the cup to another girl. (Yes I’m still slightly annoyed 25 years later 😤)

I was genuinely on your side until this.

Doesn't that mean that the second best student or even third best might get the award in some subjects?

What's the point of giving an award in History, for instance, if the stand-out student, who is head and shoulders above the rest, can't win it because they're already receiving an award for English?

At our school sports person of the year award goes to the favourite - it clearly never goes to the student who is best at most sports. It doesn't even have anything to do with character or attitude.

If the awards are for achievement then this girl is likely the highest achieving child, which is why they have been chosen. What do you want them to do- say "oh no, we can't let the best get the prizes, we should choose a student who is not quite as excellent, so it's fair" ? It's just not how it works OP.

I was a teacher for over 20 years and sometimes you get a student who gets 100 percent in all tests including GCSE. Often it turns out they are the same in many or even all subjects. I had one student like this at A level and he was in my tutor group as well as my subject. He did 6 units of A level work scoring 100 percent in every module. He did the same in Maths and I believe he was disappointed in Chemistry because he only got 98 percent.

Someone genuinely did this in the year above me. In hindsight, she was autistic and truly exceedingly clever, though there were less diagnoses then. This girl could be like that.

But in general I do think there is often a kind of favouritism pecking order that isn’t always related to merit. I noticed this more with the star of the week type prizes where because everyone eventually got a go, the staff felt liberated to do it in order of favourites ( even though it was supposedly awarded on the basis of a child happening to do something amazing that week, they always seemed to happen to be amazing in the same fairly rigid order!) - so the children getting it towards the end were basically getting a booby prize - if not an insult by the last few awards. It wasn’t very subtle. Some schools are worse than others but it is a power game certain teachers do seem a bit prone to. Nothing actually changes who your dc is and what she has achieved. Life is lived better when simply not entering in to the pettiness.

just find it hard to believe that one child is dominating every subject, surely most agree that isn't realistic!

Why? If you have a very good memory, and are fast to grasp new concepts, those abilities serve you well in many subjects.

My sister was always best at basically everything at school - maths, music, languages, sciences. Not great at art but didn't take it after year 9. She's just really fucking clever and works bloody hard with it. It is what it is

I was that kid, not sure where my motivation came from unless it was to get out of my awful other home life
I remember getting the overall award for the highest exam success in the whole school at ‘o’ level and my parents didn’t even come to the award evening
I consistently won awards in most subjects and got outstanding reports all the time - no one cared and I was embarrassed at being singled out!
When it came to my DC I felt more like you and felt really sorry for my DS who was brilliant at maths and sciences but got pipped to the post every year by another child who was slightly more brilliant! Same child sometimes the exam score was 0.5% better
DD was huge on effort but average on achievement - so never got anything although she has an amazing voice and was often picked to do solos or star in a music thing
DS is now far more successful re career, finance and life than the other child - who is still doing well and is quite happy (I know his DM)
DD will never win an award for anything other than being one of the nicest people I know - she is well respected and valued in her chosen career
I am so proud of both of them - awards mean nothing - all I wanted was to be loved, valued and noticed by my parents it never happened

YABVU.

As long as the criteria are objective the best will win.

I don't agree with "effort" prizes as no-one can know how hard someone has tried.

She obviously is trying hard and succeeding. Good for her and I’m sorry if your DD feels intimidated but she’s obviously a great all rounder .

You never seem to see threads about celebrating sporting achievement, only academic.
This child was me. But what the parents wouldn’t have seen is the amount of volunteering I did around school, extra curricular clubs, study groups for younger years, event organising etc. I loved joining in and took things seriously. I had a difficult home life and loved school as it was an escape for me.
Horrible thread . You come across as bitter and jealous OP.

My kids school is exactly the same and the same family who are quite well known for various reasons get all the awards in every subject, it has happened over the last 9 years! I think my kids who both did very well and are in top Universities now got 2 effort awards over the whole 6 years, from what I know from other friends and their schools they are all the same schools tend to favour certain families, obviously it wont apply to all schools but it is very common.

I can see how this is disheartening BUT surely by definition, this is what a grammar school is? You’ve chosen to send them to a selective school- presumably you were pleased when they ‘bested’ other children to gain places? If the entry process is competitive and selective I don’t see how the same ethos running through the school can be a surprise.

sorry clearly award should be given to one person who’s above all others, who is the best, not everyone “who works hard and does well”.
it actually makes sense it is the same person every year, some people are just like that, very academic, very talented, so it makes sense they are the best every year… and yes it’s possible to be the best in multiple subjects

you need to work on your daughter’s confidence, and not as “she is clearly not that good and its just favouritism”, but reminding her that she will have opportunities to shine in her life, if she wants to shine. And if she doesn’t want to shine, that’s ok too (but not ok to drag those who want).

sigh I was also "the other girl", but ... I was just very academic. Got A*s in every GCSE I sat. The best results the school had ever had any student have ever. Of course the other academically capable children never got a look in for awards. It happens.

However, I didn't do music, sport or drama at school, so at least I didn't soak up all those awards as well. :D

I do remember having a real splurge with all my books tokens, though. I always did love reading!

I was also labelled a teachers pet, by some jealous parents and pupils. Do get over it. Your children will probably go on to earn far more than "the competition" who will likely go off to study some terrible niche academic PhD...

I do think you need to wind your neck in, OP.
I was at a very good secondary school - grammar type of equivalent in Scotland. My best mate was incredibly bright, and took dux awards (top performing) in all 5 subjects she took at Higher. I was 2nd in the three of those subjects we both took. I was disappointed not to win, but, y'know, she was better than me in those subjects. (I did win in one other subject.)
It's a lesson your DD would do well to learn; that we can't all be the best.

Your children go to a selective grammar school. Some children don't get that opportunity. Is that less fair than your child not being chosen as the most elite within an elitist system? Not everyone can win at life. That's what education should teach kids.

To be honest, the prize giving sounds like a waste of time if it regularly goes to so few students - who will all already know they are doing well.

My school didnt do prizes and I think that was probably better.

One year dd was that child the following year they changed it so a child can only win one award staff need to nominate three children so they can weed out any crossovers it was deemed fair plus if you win it one year you can't be nominated the next

Fair enough, missed the sarcasm 🙃

I don’t see why the Effort awards wouldn’t go to others. I thought they were often awarded for “most improvement”…

So she's a gorgeous smart girl that doesn't have many friends? Could that be because people like your daughter are jealous?

She clearly works hard and earns her awards.

Good for her!