Bloody Prize giving

[AllienOlliemum]

I have 3 DC in the same school, it's a grammar school and tends to achieve very good results. Every year they do prize giving. There are two award categories, Excellence and Effort.
Last year I queried what exactly excellence is in this case and was told "The excellence awards are decided by each department as a whole and considering attainment, attitude, progress and effort" the second award category is simply for effort.
In the upper school (Y10-13) 3 students are selected for each subject and ranked 1st, 2nd and 3rd for excellence, and 3 students (if enough uptake of the subject) are given effort, not ranked). In Lower school (Y7-9) 5 students are selected for excellence, not ranked and 5 for effort not ranked.

Today the upper school prize giving awards list was sent out. The actual ceremony is at the end of June but I guess it's because some leavers will have to plan around it. My eldest DD is in Y11, sitting her GCSEs and for the 5th year running not a single award. She has fantastic predicted grades and we are frequently told how hardworking and diligent she is. As per usual though it's the same kids as always. In fact one girl has an award in every single subject she must have taken, 7 Excellence awards and 3 Effort! With 1st in 5 of those! She also seems to have won the award for an essay writing competition and the award given by the historical society!
My other two children (Y8 and Y9) have also never received an award to date but the lower school awards aren't announced until middle of June.
Last year I queried how it is possible one child wins all the awards and was told the departments select their own winners and can't know who the other departments have chosen.
There are also non academic awards such as Integrity, but typically it's always the same students who get these too.

AIBU to be massively pissed off with this bloody system which is centred around favouritism!
It's every good damn year!

Spot on re the sports medals comparison.

And I bet amazing knowing she deserved them, wasn't given them for "fairness" sake.

If it makes you feel any better I was awards kid at school and I declined steadily in 6th form and onwards 😂

tbf I genuinely think if this girl has been nominated across the board it makes me LESS suspicious of favouritism. She is probably jut’s really clever - it happens.

You've removed anything that identifies it to someone else, but if you were one of the teens who got an award or their family (or even maybe someone at the same school) you'd recognise this. The internet is big and you have no idea who's on here.

Imagine how rubbish you and your daughter would feel if your daughter had won an award (or multiple awards) and someone was posting about this. You say not getting one dents her confidence, but your attitude could also seriously affect any of the students who have been awarded one.

DS’s primary school had prize giving. Each class had best in class and most improved. Once they had been awarded a prize they were no longer eligible the following years. Bit of a farce really because everyone knew that being awarded it in the early years carried more kudos than in yr6 when most of the class were out of the running.

In yr 3, during rehearsals, DS and his friend were sat next to a box of programmes so found out who the class prize winners were. Since there was so much competition and speculation over them they decided to tell a a few of their year that they had won the prize, but not the actual winners. A number of parents must have complained because after that they stopped publishing the winners in the programme. DS and his friend had won the year before so not in the running.

It was very funny, DS fessed up the morning of prize giving, we were sat with his best friend’s parents who were also in on it. Obviously we were suitably cross with them. There were one or two very disgruntled parents that year.

In yr6 they handed out cups, conveniently they had enough cups for everyone. DS was awarded the academic allrounder cup, it still ruffled a few feathers.

At senior school they based it on exam results. It was a bit of a closed club that won prizes each year. The same group of allrounders were handed prizes. After yr8 prize giving no longer involved parents so I don’t know if DS was awarded any in these years. He always hated being “the clever one” and very much dumbed down.
He discovered that he didn’t need to put in any effort to pass exams comfortably. He did enough to get his predicted grades at A level and onto the uni course he chose.
He has life worked out, always keep plenty spare to make life comfortable and low stress.

No one will remember who won the prizes at school, because they mean absolutely nothing in the grand scheme of things.

You sound awful!

Hi OP, I was in your daughter’s position not so long ago. My best friend from childhood was amazing at EVERYTHING. Genuinely brilliant at maths, English, history, science to an amazing degree. It was really annoying as I was really bright and conscientious but always came second and felt overlooked. Ultimately we both got into good Russel groups and went down different paths but I feel coming second and being overlooked was probably a good life lesson for me. A lot of students at my top uni were used to being first and didn’t handle not being at the top very well had a bit to of a crisis when they realised theyre not special. I just got on with it and worked hard. I do acknowledge it’s rough on your daughter not being seen but there is always going to be someone better than her academically - that’s life.

Some are, but oddly enough they aren't always the ones who do best in University or in life in general. I did well at school, very well, but wasn't dux. I got a first at university and the dux of my year at school did not. Someone who was at our school and did poorly is now earning more than either of us. Funny how life works out sometimes.

You've shown 16 different subject awards there, each of which is giving out 6 prizes. That's 96 prizes for starters.

That ignores Geography, PE, any awards for other DT subjects (graphic design, resistant materials), and all the essay awards.

The three children have scored 20 awards between them for main subjects. But that still leaves 76 plus another 12+ (potentially 30) to go to other pupils.

Even if it averages 5 per pupil they'll still have recognised over 20 pupils in the year which doesn't seem too bad for recognising top effort and attainment really?

If they maxed their prizes out at one per pupil, with that number of prizes everyone in the year would get one.

My school used to limit them and it was fine, it's not something I have a particular opposition to, but we only had one prize per subject and then some school prizes.

The school ds3 attends give awards for academic achievement and for merits received throughout the year so there is always a chance for less academic children to win a prize and it’s roughly half and half too so plenty of chances. Ds3 and two of his closest friends are “straight A” students and have had a few awards over the years but there are two boys in the year who have sat exams 1 or 2 years early and are getting almost full marks in every exam. One of them also excels in extracurricular activities. They are also lovely, hard working lads. Nobody should grudge them their awards.

Hmmmm, I was that annoying kid who won an award every year, but I definitely wasn’t a favourite.

Yuck.
How grim and tedious.

Most schools f they have a prize giving at all either do it so the top 3 in the end if year exam for the subject get the prizes (which inevitably means the same group of kids getting a lot of prizes) or they impose a limit of a maximum of one or two and spread them out.

The effort prizes are always more spread out anyway.

It is definitely the case that you frequently get teens who excel at everything. Not necessarily in every year group but they are pretty common and most secondary teachers will have met a few. They're the kind of kid who when you ask about extra-curriculars for their personal statement you discover they have family around the world and speak 4 different languages at home and play 3 instruments as well.

Some students really are a lot cleverer than others. Oxbridge mostly don't take teens early any more as it tends to mess them up socially but it's the kind of kid who once upon a time would have gone to uni early,

Why? My best friend at Grammar school (maybe yours!) won every single “Achievement” award for the subjects she took at GCSE and A-Level. Those awards were given to the highest achiever. She was the brightest at all her subjects. Can’t be that unlikely surely - a clever child is a clever child?

I remember exactly which girl dominated every subject in my year at secondary school. She was one of my close friends. I saw the work she put in to make sure she got those high results. I was pleased when she got all the awards across most subjects. And I remember being chuffed when I got more marks than her in a mock paper!

My DD can tell you who this person is in her year group. A few months ago, DD was proud as punch telling me that she got a higher mark in a mock paper than her person. So I relayed my similar 30 yr old story to her and we had a giggle.

Other parents don't seem to have the same issue of their children getting absolutely no awards despite consistently doing well.

So you have a problem with it, your DD has a problem with it but the other parents don't seem to have the same issue.

I think your "issue" says far more about you and how you've raised DD than the way the school works their prize giving.

Winning awards for academic excellence is just a lucky accident of genetics.
My db is 13 months younger than me and a true academic, I’m not.
I worked just as hard at school but don’t have his brain.
Winning awards for effort probably counts for more imo.

My dd also had to work twice as hard as her friends to keep up, she never won anything either.
The school bully won the services to the community award whilst the girl she bullied sat sobbing with frustration.

School awards mean nothing.

Haven't RTWT, but I guess at some point schools need to start transitioning from the primary school approach of giving awards to everyone, in some cases just for breathing, to a more realistic approach where not everyone wins prizes and it's based on some actual merit rather than simply turning up. Of course that will ruffle some feathers as we'd all like our children, however lazy and mediocre, to be recognised for their achievements, even if in actual fact they don't really have any beyond the very average.

I'm not saying your DD falls into this category, OP, but most of us are average and will have average children who aren't very impressive to those around them, although we of course love them greatly. Personally I take comfort in the fact that a lot of "average" people, who were probably unrecognised at school, appear to have just as happy and successful lives as the school "superstars" albeit they're not quantum physicists. And there's a lot to be said in life for not becoming too dependant on external validation to motivate yourself. If you have constantly been feted and told how wonderful you are throughout school, I imagine it can be a shock when suddenly no one really cares anymore.

Having a child that is an extremely high achiever ie academic, sporty, art, music drama etc can bring it's own issues. I know parents who had a child who went throughout school in this category & although he was fairly popular, his parents were often snubbed despite being lovely people who would talk to anyone given the chance.

Unfortunately there is an exceptional student who has been recognised as such by all departments. This is life - more talented people (or richer or prettier or more privileged or whatever) take the prizes. It’s a shame for your dd but a lesson everyone will learn in time. Sometimes it’s you - mostly it’s not.

Not really. Most academically gifted people excel across the board, especially in general education settings.

Not really. Most academically gifted people excel across the board, especially in general education settings.

Why the heck does it matter so much? It's a school diploma, not a Nobel prize! I can guarantee this won't affect her future job prospects.
The fact you asked for clarification also outed you as 'that parent' and probably trashed her chances. Are you pushy?

All grammar schools has at least one kid like this in every year group. I appreciate you think your daughter's performance is very good but again it is a grammar school, so a lot will be in the exact same boat as her and won't get anything.
Their system indicates it's not favouritism. Giving it to people just because they haven't got it yet is just tokenism, the prize would lose all meaning. As you said yourself the obligatory star of the week in primary is just given out in turns.

The local paper in my hometown publishes old photos and I was shocked and horrified to find a 20 year old photo featured me as a prize winner during my school days. Have no recollection of this or any idea what I would have been acknowledged for. They really don't matter.

What’s more, this girl is never going to have pay for living costs because she’s clearly living in your head rent free!

It does happen - DD dominated nearly every single subject but 2 - she wasn't given a single award despite getting 100% in most. She is very well behaved, good at sports etc. Yes favouritism does exist. Our school would even create random prizes to award their favourites.

She is at a different school and still a top achiever - she has been given so many awards so far. The best thing we did for her was move her.

You can either

1. stay at the school but find other ways to acknowledge your high achieving child. There are other out of school programs that she can sign up for, including writing competitions etc.
2. remove your child from the school
3. stay there and suck it up - don't complain, they will treat your child differently.