House guests - have I lost the plot?

[pringleaddict]

We are currently hosting a young couple for a few days - the daughter of very close family friend + boyfriend. I am already annoyed with them as they basically invited themselves (I would have said yes, as the daughter is basically family, if they had asked but manners would be nice) and they have been continually fed and consumed a massive amount of wine without contributing anything - so this may be influencing my current views!

My youngest DD is also home from uni for a few days for her birthday. Her exams are in 2 weeks so this was meant to be a low key break for her with a lot of studying - she failed one of her mid year exams and if she fails a single end of year one she will be out of her course (medicine). She knows our guests quite well, although they are mid 20's and she is 19. Our guests suggested taking her for a pub crawl on her birthday (yesterday) and I asked them not to as she needed to study. This was ignored and they went out and got smashed. The guests planned a day put today and have invited her again despite knowing that she really needs to be studying. Of course she has gone with them. They find this all very funny.

I KNOW that this is primarily my DD's fault but she is autistic and has ADHD and is well known to our guest for poor choices in the moment. AIBU for being very annoyed with our guests for not making independent plans so she could be left to study, when it was made very clear to them that this was the original plan?

That could explain some of horrific experiences people have with doctors.

Some careers are just not suitable to pearsons mental, physical or emotional state.
I would never push 175cm son into professional basketball and in the same way I would not push autistic ADHD child into medicine. It is a ticking bomb.

We have had students in the past as guests- nieces and nephews, children of friends. We knew they didn't have much money, so happily paid for food, trips, and much more- but they in turn did their bit, wtihout being asked. Helping in kitchen, garden, cleaning and cooking the odd meal.

Reported for disgusting ableism

If I started picking this comment apart I’d never stop. Disgusting.

Recognise that one. Renowned for not-nice comments.

ADHD and nd are not mental states.
I'm pretty sure some of the surgeons who have treated me were Nd. (Their nurses did a lot of explaining /translating!)
They were brilliant surgeons and I felt very lucky to be in their care.

Neurodivergent people can be awesome in a crisis. See problems differently. Hyperfocus on a problem until they fix it in a way a neurotypical brain couldn't bear to. They can make fab doctors.

I can understand why some people are concerned when the rhetoric seems to be all about the extra support they'll need. It's not really like that, though.

Ps did everyone else seriously just study diligently and relentlessly at 19?? Cos I failed an exam due to basically watching too many reruns of Grimm.

My son is ASD. He is what you'd call high functioning. He is a fifth year medical student. I saw the write up he got for dealing with patients. He was exceeding the standard on each measure. He has no difficulty in making logical reasoned decisions. To even get into medicine he had to pass a test which required him to show he could understand social cues.

Do you realise there are whole areas of science where being ASD is the norm. Do you think thes people can't make logical decisions?

Sorry but you should have said no to house guests knowing your daughter was coming home to study.

That's on you.

I have reported as well.

Stay at home then away from the autistic doctors! Nobody is forcing you to see them.

Stop micromanaging yr daughter she is an adult.

So she should throw away her future for a ‘life lesson’ ?

What the fuck is the matter with you ? Disgusting ableism. Reported. MN please take this post down.

They sound rude and should never be invited again.

However you shouldn’t have said yes to them if it was such a key time for your daughter’s studies. So YABu for that.

Nd people need a lot of support, she isn't micromanaging.

To be fair when I was that age an invitation like that would have been grabbed no matter what! I wouldn’t be mad at them or her, her choice and you’ve put the options to her. As for them not paying their way, again they’re young, they need go know, if she’s like family just give her a list and say can she grab it for you!

Tbh if she’s got her head down studying for the rest of the fortnight I don’t think your dd taking a 24hrs out to celebrate her birthday is a big deal. And in any case if she needs mum breathing down her neck for her to get any studying that’s a much bigger problem and she going to have a really hard time over the next few years

But I do get your frustration, you always want the best for your kids no matter how old they are and it’s difficult taking the step back and letting them find their own feet!

Why are you policing where people are allowed to post from?
Is there some rule that says this corner of the internet is only for certain people, or is that your own xenophobia speaking?

No - what you’re hearing is that the DD is potentially not suited to doing a medical degree because she won’t put her studies first.
I’m sure she has been able to get to the point where she can take a medical degree with a lot of help, but once at Uni, she should be making herself responsible for passing exams.

What a daft thing to say!

I wouldn’t give a wee shiny shit if my doctor was autistic and had ADHD, because I’m not an ignorant ableist.

I have no idea what you are on about! I said nothing about numpties, so back off'

I think this is a trap that a lot of nice & generous people fall into.

Guests come, they’re rude, they take advantage and over-indulge — and the nice hosts just stand there smiling because they’re too polite to say, “Get the fuck outta my house and never come back.”

You need to buckle up and loasen up and let fly.