House guests - have I lost the plot?

[pringleaddict]

We are currently hosting a young couple for a few days - the daughter of very close family friend + boyfriend. I am already annoyed with them as they basically invited themselves (I would have said yes, as the daughter is basically family, if they had asked but manners would be nice) and they have been continually fed and consumed a massive amount of wine without contributing anything - so this may be influencing my current views!

My youngest DD is also home from uni for a few days for her birthday. Her exams are in 2 weeks so this was meant to be a low key break for her with a lot of studying - she failed one of her mid year exams and if she fails a single end of year one she will be out of her course (medicine). She knows our guests quite well, although they are mid 20's and she is 19. Our guests suggested taking her for a pub crawl on her birthday (yesterday) and I asked them not to as she needed to study. This was ignored and they went out and got smashed. The guests planned a day put today and have invited her again despite knowing that she really needs to be studying. Of course she has gone with them. They find this all very funny.

I KNOW that this is primarily my DD's fault but she is autistic and has ADHD and is well known to our guest for poor choices in the moment. AIBU for being very annoyed with our guests for not making independent plans so she could be left to study, when it was made very clear to them that this was the original plan?

Glad your daughter passed her exams, as an autistic vet with ADHD I know medical based degrees are very difficult. I never failed anything but others failed an exam each year, it often has no link to how good you will be at the job

So pleased your DD passed, OP.

OP, I understand she was home to study but surely you had something planned for her birthday?

Ireland doesn't have the NHS, we have our own problems but definitely NOT that one.
We are a different country you know!

I'd also have expected her to be able to spell 'neurodiverse'.

OP, you're really not showing yourself in a good light here.

They are a-holes. Ask them to leave because not respecting you or house rules.

Ah, she got her head down and passed. That's brilliant! To the poster who was concerned about being treated by someone neurodivergent. Seriously? That is just plain rude and demonstrates your ignorance. My eldest's best friend has two doctors for parents. And guess what? They both have autism. Being good at sciences and caring about other people isn't exclusive to neurotypical folk.

Edited to nothing as just seen update and cant delete the comment in itself.

Op your use of an ableist slur is really disappointing

www.forbes.com/sites/andrewpulrang/2021/02/20/its-time-to-stop-even-casually-misusing-disability-words/

They are rude and insensitive guests- I agree with that. Don't have them back and tell them you are upset with them and why.
I understand you being annoyed.
However, if your daughter does qualify as a Dr she will have to make much more significant and complex decisions than shall I go out and get drunk or study these important exams? And she had better be capable of making the right decision- someone's life could be at risk based on her judgement.

It’s entirely up to your daughter whether she chooses to go out or study. You can’t make that decision for her when she’s an adult. If they invited themselves with bad manners you could have said no but you didn’t. They’re going out and have asked your dd along. She’s said yes and decided to go and get smashed and not study. That’s on her really not them. I understand why you’re annoyed but I think some of the responsibility is yours for allowing them to stay when they are clearly rude and some of it is your daughters for choosing to get drunk and not study.

Given everyone is ND and there is no NT then that skews everyone towards medicine does it?

BTW - Oxbridge & world full of adhd, autism etc and all these brilliant people will be making political decisions for you, medically treating you and running the world. All the sluggish, lazy typical people won’t even realise that they are disadvantaged.

I was thinking this!

Med students were legendary for work hard play hard attitudes at my university.

Whether or not it works for OP's daughter, all the messiest students I knew are now doctors.

Houseguests and serious studying dont go well together. Too much distraction.
And yes, two days out of 2 weeks can actually make a lots of difference when you have some serious studying to do. Its not only about time itself, its also about being in the flow and right state of mind etc.
Glad your DD made it.

I didn’t say Ireland has NHS 🙄

And if I thought Ireland was in the UK, I wouldn’t have mentioned it separately to the UK 🙄

Struggling to believe that you’re the parent of an ND child whilst casually throwing out ableist terms.

although tbh you don’t sound very nice so maybe it’s just your way…

Your daughter needs to find a new career path. Something less demanding.

Why? She passed her exam/s!

Medics were some of the worst pissheads when I was at uni. I remember one guy and I said if he ever appeared to treat me in the future, I would leg it!

Re the houseguests, when I discovered the rude articles were drinking me out of house and home the wine would have gone mysteriously AWOL. Car boot is a good place!

I may soumd harsh but autistic ADHD person may not be the best candidate for a career in medicine.
It is high pressure job and you need to deliver difficult conversations daily.
I cannot imagine anyone who would want doctor with this type of diagnosis treating them.
Sorry OP but you need to be more realistic about a career your DD can realistically do.

You are nice, guests that give me a lot of work and not even bring a bottle of wine for dinner/flowers are never allowed to come to stay again, we simply say we have plans so can’t host them and leave it at if (I have always lived in touristic areas so my patience to put up with freeloaders in my own house has reduced to none since years ago).

For a start off, put all the rest of the wine away in secure place- or ask a friend to look after it whilst they are there.

I am afraid that is the reality here.

Well this shows your complete lack of understanding about what autism actually is for many people. Chances are you've already been treated by a neurodiverse doctor in your lifetime.

'I KNOW that this is primarily my DD's fault but she is autistic and has ADHD and is well known to our guest for poor choices in the moment.'

Okay that excuse will not wash in the medical world. 'sorry, missed your surgery because adhd' 'prescribed the wrong drugs, silly old ADHD!'.
How on earth would you expect this to work???? Maybe a career where lives are not at stake would be more suitable.