House guests - have I lost the plot?

[pringleaddict]

We are currently hosting a young couple for a few days - the daughter of very close family friend + boyfriend. I am already annoyed with them as they basically invited themselves (I would have said yes, as the daughter is basically family, if they had asked but manners would be nice) and they have been continually fed and consumed a massive amount of wine without contributing anything - so this may be influencing my current views!

My youngest DD is also home from uni for a few days for her birthday. Her exams are in 2 weeks so this was meant to be a low key break for her with a lot of studying - she failed one of her mid year exams and if she fails a single end of year one she will be out of her course (medicine). She knows our guests quite well, although they are mid 20's and she is 19. Our guests suggested taking her for a pub crawl on her birthday (yesterday) and I asked them not to as she needed to study. This was ignored and they went out and got smashed. The guests planned a day put today and have invited her again despite knowing that she really needs to be studying. Of course she has gone with them. They find this all very funny.

I KNOW that this is primarily my DD's fault but she is autistic and has ADHD and is well known to our guest for poor choices in the moment. AIBU for being very annoyed with our guests for not making independent plans so she could be left to study, when it was made very clear to them that this was the original plan?

DO NOT DO THIS!!

You'll forever be a funny story they tell their friends!

DD is 19 I don’t know any 19 year olds who don’t make poor choices at some point or another or who prioritise a drink (on their birthday!!) over an evening studying. If you didn’t want the distraction then you shouldn’t have had the guests there. You can’t control the behaviour of any of these young adults just encourage DD to study the rest of the time and maybe give her a break for letting her hair down for her birthday.

Isn't binge drinking virtually compulsory at medical school?

Never quite got the mumsnet school of thought that states that the instant someone turns 18 they are a fully fledged mature adult (even when still living at home) who can't be bollocked or 'told' what to do even when they are making piss poor decisions to the detriment of themselves or those around them. Doing nothing while your 19 year old daughter runs the risk of pissing away her choosen career is not good parenting.

Somewhat sanctimonious, it is extremely hard to get on a medical degree so she must possess quite a few of the required characterisitcs to have been given a place on the course. The DD might be having a wobble insofar as not prioritising her studies but to write off her being a doctor over one poor decision to go on a booze up is a bit harsh.

Prioritising studying over socialising in the last few weeks before exams, particularly when failing even one of those exams will mean leaving the course completely, is not “superhuman discipline”, it’s basic common sense.

She came home to study to create an environment where she wouldn’t be distracted. Her Mum then invited some sociable houseguests of a similar age to stay. I don’t think it’s the daughter’s fault here. Especially as she has autism and ADHD. Though I wouldn’t expect many people to understand. The clue is in the name - attention deficit..

The Mum should have been thinking about her daughter and not prioritising house guests.

It’s very easy ‘sorry DD is in the middle of some very important exams at the moment so we can’t have guests.’

Yet she blames her daughter.

I don’t think your opinion on that question was being sought, @Ilikeadrink14. Clearly her university thinks she’ll be ok, otherwise she wouldn’t have been accepted on to that highly competitive course.

There really is no need to swear! I am entitled to an opinion and you have no right to question it.
Your last sentence was worrying, but that was your intention, wasn’t it??

Do you know what 'issues' your doctors/other medical professionals have? I don't

I just want them to be qualified and good at their jobs. And being ND or anything else doesn't mean they don't fit that criteria

As a parent of a ND child, I'd expect you to do better than use an offensive term like "m-r-n".

Totally unnecessary.

Yabu. She was never going to study on her birthday. Come on op. Get real!

Your daughter is home for 2 weeks to study, 2 days or nights off surely can't hurt. If she's not capable of taking her degree in medicine seriously maybe its not the right path for her.

Her success or failure in this degree is down to her, not you or the guests.

As a parent of a ND child, I'd expect you to do better than use an offensive term like "m-r-n".

Sorry, but what is "n-r-n"????

It's not superhuman to say that you don't want to go out and get pissed.

Anyway, OP, I hope your daughter is ok. I think that couple need to be told not to return. I can't stand rude, insensitive guests. It's bad enough turning up empty handed, but not contributing anything is very rude.

Thankfully we have a “golden passport” to a country that appreciates (and pays) doctors well so enjoy your NHS mess.

What do you mean by this?

I don’t think you are unreasonable, but playing devils advocate the flip side of the coin ( and I can see the Mn post) is that an old friends child ( who is like family) came to visit and excluded ND Dd, and on her birthday of all days.
One night out won’t make or break her degree. Like you say she’s empathetic and bright. She will make a great Dr.

So you’re not even from UK/Ireland? Why are you posting on here then?

Use your ‘golden passport’ to find elswhere.

Well what word of your rant is spelled m-r-n?

So your daughter was absolutely fine to go out with these people then? Perhaps trust her judgement in the future.

@Ilikeadrink14 what a horrible thing to say! You do realise us ND people aren't actually numpties and some of us are actually rather intelligent? We also don't walk around with it tattooed on our foreheads that we are ND so for all you know the last doctor or nurse you spoke to is.
OP, I do think you made your bed a little bit in inviting the friends over when you knew she would be coming home, but quite possibly she's got it out of her system and can now knuckle down and study for the time she has left until the exam. We all learn harsh lessons when we are teens and do stupid shit.