AIBU to not see an issue/not consider it blackmail

[ARichtGoodDram]

I’ve been contacted by the parent of my DD’s friend (they’re both 11) ranting about my DD “blackmailing” their DD.

Their DD wants to go somewhere. My DD doesn’t fancy it, but has said she’ll go if her friend then goes with her to an event she wants to go to.

Both events are similar length of time and cost.

To me this is an entirely fair swap. However, the other parent is raging because DD can easily (in their opinion) ask another friend or one of her siblings to go with her whereas her friend can only ask her.

When I said I don’t see the issue in them both attending something they don’t massively fancy as a swap thing I’ve had a ranting message back and been blocked. This parent is normally very level headed so I’m just checking I’m not missing something

I’m sorry OP, how shocking for your DD. You absolutely could not have known she would do that though.

There is clearly more going on with the mother, but that’s not your responsibility.

Why's it clear? Why can't we just accept people are sometimes just awful?

Your DD didn’t do anything wrong. I hope she is ok. Her friends mum acted disgustingly.

That’s awful. You and your DH sound lovely. The calm and clear way you have responded says it all really.

Something clearly off with the mum and your DD (who also sounds lovely) is well out of it. Poor friend.

Please make sure the school are aware of her behaviour, she shouldn’t be allowed near the school after that, it’s not normal.

Even if your daughter had blackmailed her daughter, which she didn’t, the behaviour is still completely unacceptable.

I agree, she crossed a line. I would be fuming too. Its totally, totally out of order as far your DD is concerned, but I also do feel sorry for her DD.

I am just curious to know what on earth is going on in her head.

Thankfully DD seems to be ok. A bit quiet, but that’s to be expected.

DH wants me to walk DD into school tomorrow. DD wants to walk herself. So currently have agreed a compromise of she walks, but I’ll be out on our path until I see her fully in the playground, I’ll do the same after school. I have said she can change her mind at any point though.

The teacher in charge of the club said he’ll speak to the HT in the morning and I’ll likely get a phone call so I’m going to wait for that before going into the school.

Very controlling behaviour.

Op you're completely right to have nipped this behaviour in the bud.

DD went to school fine this morning. I watched her from the door and there was no sign of the Mum.

A few other Mum’s stopped to chat (well gossip really) on their way to the school as it’s already got around, which isn’t surprising as there were a couple of parents collecting at the time and it’s a very small town. I didn’t say much, just that I was waiting on the school phoning.

School phoned and have been great. They’re going to keep an eye on DD without making too big a fuss (she hates fuss) and the HT or DHT will be doing the handovers at after school club for a couple of weeks just in case.

I’m hoping there won’t be any further updates to the thread as hopefully it’s staying quiet. Thanks all

Good response from the school. Well done to you for how you have managed this. Calmly but firmly and supportive of your daughter.

My guess is that the husband knows full well that his wife is totally batshit and has probably been on the receiving end of her behaviour himself
Must be hard for the child having a mother like that

I would just respond saying “Thank you for the suggestion. I will get DD to invite another friend. Please be aware that I won’t be giving DD permission to go to the event your DD has asked her to go to. Unfortunately I think it’s unfair for DD to support her at an event my DD doesn’t wish to go to…..but then not return the support at another event. Healthy boundaries ar important 👍”

She sounds like an idiot

What? As if that scenario is comparable in any way... Friends negotiate things like this all the time. Compromise, it's a good lesson to learn.

I think you’re right, @LakeTiticaca , this Mum has some issues and the OP is absolutely right to keep her DD away from her. Thank goodness the school responded well too.

That poor child, I expect this isn’t the first friendship that her Mum has ruined for her.

Your post actually made me laugh so thanks for that.

Hi crazy mum, that must be you.

Any chance you can explain why you screamed at @ARichtGoodDram 's child about this non-issue?

Also linking a perfectly polite offer of an event swap with sexual favours is, quite frankly, batshit.

Also @ARichtGoodDram don't feel bad you weren't there to defend your DD, although horrible it's good the school has seen what this woman is like and had to intervene, in case there are any future incidents. Your poor DD though - and poor friend :-(

@OldPerson, you should make use of the "OP posts: See all" function on threads in future. Attached is a diagram of where to find it.

WTF? 😱Are you operating in some weird parallel dimension?

What? What are you comparing?

Are you OP's daughter's friend's mum? You are, aren't you?

The bullying mum found!

Stop being a dick @OldPerson

If your daughter had the hots for a boy and invited him to a prom. And he turned around and said he would go to the prom with her, but only if she slept with his friend?

How would you feel?

I'd say she'd feel pretty disturbed since the 2 girls are 11. And how weird is it that this is the example you could find.

Are you alright?