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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Malapropisms

322 replies

CaptainJinksOftheHorseMarines · 14/05/2024 02:13

A number of us used to meet regularly every 6 weeks, and each time had to introduce ourselves by giving our name and title since there were sometimes new people at the meetings; and also to document who was in attendance in the minutes. There was a woman there who used to introduce herself every time as the “material” grandmother instead of maternal grandmother. Most of us at the meeting found her mistake amusing, but not in a mean way. I sometimes think back and wonder if I should have told her (privately) that she had it wrong. AIBU to have not said something at the time? Would it have been rude to? In a similar vein, when I was in elementary school, I used to believe the line in the Canadian national anthem, “Oh Canada! We stand on guard for thee” was actually, “Oh Canada! We stand on GOD for thee.” Six-year-old me couldn’t figure out why anybody would stand on God. What a dumb thing to do. It wasn’t until the words were put on an overhead projector during assembly a couple of years later that I realised that the correct word was actually “guard.” I still cringe when I think about it.

OP posts:
shenandoahvalley · 14/05/2024 23:27

merryhouse · 14/05/2024 17:47

Small S1 once asked me what consecrated meant.

I was in the middle of an explanation when he obviously realised this wasn't quite right and added "like consecrated orange juice!"

(to go with the desecrated coconut, obviously...)

Or as my brother used to call it many years ago, dedicated coconut.

ThirtyThrillionThreeTrees · 14/05/2024 23:28

Our receptionist at work has loads of them.

Her teenage daughter is a bit wild at the moment "it's just a phrase (phase) she's going through".

She also doesn't like cake with "desecrated (desiccated) coconut".

She considers one of our managers very monogamous (monotonous).

There's loads more but I can't remember them now.

Mama2many73 · 14/05/2024 23:30

Watching a TV programme about a beautiful village , I think Cornwall way, and I said to my DH 'oh I'd love to have a smooch around there!'

Roundroundthegarden · 14/05/2024 23:31

Tintackedsea · 14/05/2024 23:20

DS used to call us Dummy and Maddy.

He wasn't wrong! 😄

How cute Grin

Allthegoodnamesarechosen · 14/05/2024 23:32

My local blacksmith made us some gates for an awkward driveway, which involved my choosing components for a catalogue ( dog o logue to us ) which he would assemble.

He urged me to choose the spiky finals as they would keep out burglars. We always refer to finials as finals now.

( BTW burglars are actually buglers as any fule no)

Do most long term couples develop a private language?

nildesparandum · 14/05/2024 23:36

My mother used to talk about a neighbour who went to court for keeping an immortal house. We were just young children at the time so did not understand and thought the lady was getting punished for being holy.

Words · 15/05/2024 00:10

Wind shrine weepers

Dazedandconfusedma · 15/05/2024 00:14

Old boss used to say defiantly instead of definitely

but my absolute favourite: a Spanish friend thought comeuppance was cum muffins for years 😂

Isittimeformynapyet · 15/05/2024 00:21

KimberleyClark · 14/05/2024 09:31

DH and I always used to refer to the place we had IVF as the futility clinic.

Nice ..... In our house we do our laundry in the futility room!

Isittimeformynapyet · 15/05/2024 00:24

ladyofshertonabbas · 14/05/2024 09:37

New fave: frogs born, instead of frogs spawn.

I saw that on Nextdoor.com and shared it on MN not long ago!

"Has anyone got any spare frogs born for our pond?" 😂

Funnywonder · 15/05/2024 00:33

I saw 'to eaches own' somewhere recently.

60sbird · 15/05/2024 00:39

When my brother was younger he used to say a few different ones, paralysed milk, cargidan and hostipal

Isittimeformynapyet · 15/05/2024 00:45

chesterelly1 · 14/05/2024 16:43

I'm not sure if these are malapropisms. My DM would mix up sayings that meant more or less the same thing and come up with something that made no sense whatsoever so if there was something she absolutely didn't want to do she'd say "it'll be a cold day in China first" instead of it'll be a cold day in Hell or not for all the tea in China.

Mixed metaphors - they're great too 😄

Isittimeformynapyet · 15/05/2024 00:47

Elphame · 14/05/2024 16:45

We will quite often bid each other "au reservoir" when leaving

(Thanks E F Benson!)

Haha! We bid each other ordure 🤣

TheFrenchLieutenantsMonkey · 15/05/2024 00:47

A girl I used to know lamenting her relationship with a bloke who'd been out with a few of our friends stated with utter contempt that her ex-boyfriend was a serial monotonist, then corrected herself
"Ha ha I mean misogynist"
To be fair I knew the bloke...she was right on both counts!

CheapThrillsMeanNothing · 15/05/2024 01:04

I was christened as a baby but my parent didn't get around to christening my young brother. When my younger sister was born they planned to get them christened together.
My brother (age 4) because he didn't want to be 'sacrificed' with his baby sister.

Therapy4all · 15/05/2024 01:07

I do this quite a lot, and it's a great source of amusement for those around me, and for me too!

Most recent was this weekend, went to visit an aquarium. Now all aquariums are to be called 'fish museums'.

Catsmere · 15/05/2024 01:52

My first boss was so bad with this that the whole office laughed about it, and kept a list. Some of his gems were "gets my goat up," "biting at straws," "isn't flatulence what old ladies get" (he meant hot flushes).

Someone I know now says "laxadaisical" rather than "lackadaisical". Silly thing is she doesn't even mean lackadaisical, she means laid-back.

Catsmere · 15/05/2024 01:59

KnitnNatterAuntie · 14/05/2024 06:48

This isn't funny really but I know several people who talk about men having "prostrate" cancer . . . .

My BIL always calls it that. My sister claims he can't pronounce prostate. I mean, he can say state, so why not prostate, which I would think is an easier word to say than prostrate?

Catsmere · 15/05/2024 02:14

AngryBird6122 · 14/05/2024 08:44

School put out a message saying “for all intensive purposes”

One of my teachers was saying that in the 1970s!

coxesorangepippin · 15/05/2024 02:25

A friend of my friends nan who was talking about her grandson hunchbacking around New Zealand

^
Brilliant 😅

This and Sharia Law, do you know her

Catsmere · 15/05/2024 02:35

user4762348796531 · 14/05/2024 09:31

My favourite from the late great Terry Pratchett - casting asparagus (aspersions)

Mum and I always (deliberately) said casting nasturtiums.

NellyDElephant · 15/05/2024 03:05

My OH, when telling me about an item he has misplaced, always hopes it is going to ‘come to life’ instead of ‘come to light’
Causing me to giggle at the idea of his missing mug / charger / pen doing exactly that, as per a Disney film.

Geppili · 15/05/2024 03:13

My kids lovely great-grandmother when asked by my husband 'Where's Geppili?' replied
'She's buttering a beagle in the kitchen.'

Bagels were quite a new thing for her. 😂

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