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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To tell a friend not to wait at my door every morning

129 replies

BeepyBoo · 13/05/2024 09:55

I have a friend who gets competitive about my friendships and the friendships our children have. Our two children are both the same age. Throughout primary school there has been a pattern of her not liking me talking to other Mums or liking it if my kids meet up with other kids. I like her, but I find her quite intense.

A year ago she started parking outside my house every morning early before school, so that she could drop her daughter off to walk into school with my daughter, because she didn’t like the fact that my daughter walked with friends from over the road. This means that her son rings our doorbell and they hang around outside, talking to my son at the door, waiting for me.

We walk into school together. We also walk home together. If I talk to another Mum she comes in the middle of us and totally takes over the conversation. Other Mums have noticed this and say she’s my little sidekick. She arranges get-togethers with them, which she loves to drop in the conversation.

I recently told her that she is coming round to my house too early because it is often in the middle of my son’s morning guitar practice, and it stops him practising. This has coincided with another event - she found out my son is doing cricket (he does every year) with most of the boys in the class, and her son isn’t. She found out my daughter plays at the park with friends during cricket and that made her anxious….there was an awkward play date where she said how upset her children are about it, and then she started dropping her daughter off at cricket.

Since I told her she was coming around too early, she is now ignoring me. Not coming around at all, keeping a distance on school runs, not responding to general WhatsApp messages (including me saying there is space at cricket if she wants to sign up). ?!? Any views on this please….., thank you

OP posts:
Stainglasses · 13/05/2024 10:41

She sounds loopy. You are well out of it if she’s dropped you.

MermaidEyes · 13/05/2024 10:44

Since I told her she was coming around too early, she is now ignoring me. Not coming around at all, keeping a distance on school runs, not responding to general WhatsApp messages (including me saying there is space at cricket if she wants to sign up). ?!? Any views on this please….., thank you

Take this and think you've had a lucky escape!

MermaidEyes · 13/05/2024 10:47

Also, once her kids start secondary she's up shit creek. She'll see nothing of any school mums then.

coffeeisthebest · 13/05/2024 10:50

I have come across a few of these types and I always realise too late how controlling they are and how passive I have been. So I also agree to take this as a win. The side of you that has allowed her extreme overbearing behaviour is still struggling to reconcile you standing up for yourself but just let the dust settle and enjoy a bit of space. I also agree that in reaching out to her about the cricket you are still clinging on and perhaps you miss the attention a little and fear the consequences of your actions. That's ok though, there will be consequences and she sounds like they might be unpleasant but please don't gossip with mutual friends but take it elsewhere if you need to offload and also I think you can handle a few consequences for the price of not being manipulated by this person.

Daleksatemyshed · 13/05/2024 10:51

She's not a friend @BeepyBoo , she's a control freak who wants everything to revolve around her, she even punishes you for not making her your only friend. I know you're worried this could be awkward but she's no loss.

papadontpreach2me · 13/05/2024 11:03

I knew a parent like this at ds primary school, she was really controlling. Selective about who she invited to things and forced herself on everyone else's plans because little Jane would be so sad not to be part of it even if it was walking the same way together after school.

She reminded me of Amanda from motherland only more toxic.

HavfrueDenizKisi · 13/05/2024 11:06

She sounds bloody awful. Be thankful you've fallen out of favour and maintain distance from now on. She is not behaving normally.

Penguinfeet24 · 13/05/2024 11:10

If she is now ignoring you then take that a your cue and bloody run in the opposite direction, she sounds awful! I could not be coping with that, make the most of your freedom without her!

Member984815 · 13/05/2024 11:11

Good outcome. You are better off not reaching out and getting pulled back in to a toxic friendship.

VeterinaryCareAssistant · 13/05/2024 11:14

She sounds like a pain, but you both sound like you're 13 years old.

IncompleteSenten · 13/05/2024 11:16

Are you expecting reasonable behaviour from an unreasonable person? That's a little unrealistic don't you think?

She's sulking right now so enjoy it. Sounds like your day is much better without her in it.

IDontLoveTheWayYouLie · 13/05/2024 11:20

Fuck that! I'd be glad with the peace.

luxuria84 · 13/05/2024 11:34

Blimey what a load of dramarama!

It always amazes me how some parents are more childish than their children 😳

BeepyBoo · 13/05/2024 11:59

drusth · 13/05/2024 10:12

So she's a massive controlling hypocrite who expects you and your dc to only have her and her dc as friends, but is happy to broaden her own and her kids social circle.

I'm slightly concerned that you still want to be friends with her?! Why are you so attached to her?

My son’s best friend is her son, and our daughters are friends, so that’s the connection.

OP posts:
BeepyBoo · 13/05/2024 12:10

Just to clarify, a few people have mentioned that I’m chasing her or giving mixed messages. That is not the case. She asked me about spaces in cricket at the awkward play date and I messaged a response after checking with my husband, who is one of the cricket coaches, but received no acknowledgment. I messaged about a mundane school-related thing - our kids are in the same class. But since I’ve been blanked, I’ve not contacted her.

The reason for this post on a AIBU is because she is behaving as if I have done something wrong.

OP posts:
FuckOffTom · 13/05/2024 12:19

BeepyBoo · 13/05/2024 12:10

Just to clarify, a few people have mentioned that I’m chasing her or giving mixed messages. That is not the case. She asked me about spaces in cricket at the awkward play date and I messaged a response after checking with my husband, who is one of the cricket coaches, but received no acknowledgment. I messaged about a mundane school-related thing - our kids are in the same class. But since I’ve been blanked, I’ve not contacted her.

The reason for this post on a AIBU is because she is behaving as if I have done something wrong.

Well you haven’t done anything wrong at all that I can see. Keep people like her as far away from you as possible. I know it’s not always easy but it’ll be better for your MH if you cut out toxic people which it sounds like she very much is

Piffle11 · 13/05/2024 12:22

I think you’ve done the right thing by not contacting her after she ignored your message regarding the cricket space. She’s having a strop because you’ve dared to have a mind of your own. She’s not prepared to have a ‘normal’ friendship - where you’re actually allowed to chat with other friends and do activities without her and her DC - she’s decided you’re either all in with her, or all out. Perhaps she will leave you out of things, but I can guarantee that whoever she latched onto next will end up having the same issues as you before long. Leave her to it - don’t reward her bizarre behaviour by trying to stay friends.

Kesio · 13/05/2024 12:24

Yes I have a view for you op.

it’s bloody wonderful that she’s ignoring you. She sounds like a suffocating forceful possessive vampire

long may the ignoring continue!

ThisNoisyTealLurker · 13/05/2024 12:25

I’d say that’s a win! Job done! Don’t worry about it, she’s the one with the issue.

WimseyofBalliol · 13/05/2024 12:27

BeepyBoo · 13/05/2024 12:10

Just to clarify, a few people have mentioned that I’m chasing her or giving mixed messages. That is not the case. She asked me about spaces in cricket at the awkward play date and I messaged a response after checking with my husband, who is one of the cricket coaches, but received no acknowledgment. I messaged about a mundane school-related thing - our kids are in the same class. But since I’ve been blanked, I’ve not contacted her.

The reason for this post on a AIBU is because she is behaving as if I have done something wrong.

So what, though?

Riverlee · 13/05/2024 12:27

Be proactive and arrange your it a play dates, coffee mornings etc. you don’t need her permission.

PerfectTravelTote · 13/05/2024 12:33

"Not coming around at all, keeping a distance on school runs, not responding to general WhatsApp messages"

It was only a matter of time before this happened. Take it as a win. The inevitable break up could have gone a lot worse.

Amybelle88 · 13/05/2024 12:37

She's off her tits.

I'd be delighted that she's backed off. Don't bother contacting her, she sounds absolutely suffocating.

Wishimaywishimight · 13/05/2024 12:37

Can't you just be very grateful that you've gotten her off your back? Why on earth would you want to resurrect such a friendship?

drusth · 13/05/2024 12:37

WimseyofBalliol · 13/05/2024 12:27

So what, though?

The so what is it's upsetting when someone ghosts you when you haven't done anything wrong.

OP is better off without her but she can still be upset.

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