To think if you save £1000 each month you’re doing very well…

[Itsmeeeeee]

DH and I have different opinions on finances. I came from nothing and rarely had any surplus at the end of the month so I know what it’s like living on the bread line - hand to mouth.

On the other hand he’s never been short of money and never had to scrimp and save. He worked really hard but his parents were also very helpful. I never had that as my mam died when I was 21 and rarely seen my selfishness twat of a dad…

I consider myself fortunate now as I adore my husband. We’ve been together years and I supported him through his training and career. He was on a low wage when we met, but now he’s on over £62k.

We save about £900-£1100 a month and we can still enjoy nights away, 2/3 meals and drinks out a month, takeaways, home improvements of say £250 and we save that amount. I think it’s incredible abd we’re so lucky and he think meh

In the coming weeks we’ll be able to save an extra £500 a month on top of the £1000 from my business earnings. I only work about 5 hours a week as my DC has SEN so I need to be available constantly.

Our mortgage is £70,000 on a house valued at £270,000 so our mortgage is a lot less than a lot of peoples. We also live in northern England so it’s a cheaper area. We will also pay off 10% of our mortgage ever year so will pay it off by the time we’re 50 hopefully.

I would give anything for my DC to be NT but such is life. I do think I’m (we’re) lucky to have a lovely disposable income and so many people would be more than happy with that so I appreciate it for that reason.

DH panics and I’m like FFS get a grip!! Is that because I’ve come from nothing and he’s always had money?….I feel so fortunate and he stresses so much that it puts me off. Penny pinching over the price of a fucking chicken! It winds me up so much that I could consider leaving him because he doesn’t appreciate how fortunate he is financially, especially in this day and age.

Thoughts…..

Thanks for sharing how much you save a month and how lucky you are financially. Well done to you.

I’d say he just panics, is his job one that could go easily? A thousand is an insanely great amount to be able to save a month but maybe he worries it’s not sustainable or maybe he wants to keep your lifestyle and realistically in the far future you’ll need savings for that. Also kids are and get expensive as you know so he could be worried about that

Is he thinking about long term planning for your child with SEN - will your child need life long care or ever be able to live independently? There's likely to be nothing left of the NHS in the future and private care will be expensive.

He may be concerned that you basically live off one income so if he lost his job, the entire household would be relying on those savings until he found something else.

Of course, being able to save £1000 a month is amazing and fabulous and I would guess well above the national average. So that is very fortunate.

I’m just trying to work out how u make 1500 on your business that you only work at 5 hours a week ? You make 1000 and save 500?

My post is to get some perspective from the average person. I know it’s a lot and that’s what causes arguments etc…

What you don’t realise is the I’m worried to put certain things in the shopping basket because DH will think it’s pointless and so I put it back. Yes we save about £1000 but I feel I have to ask before I spend any of it….

£1000 a month! Wow.

There is probably something going on in his head ...a ghost of the past where someone has told him something in the past about money.

Yes we save about £1000 but I feel I have to ask before I spend any of it…

That there is a problem.

As that's 2/3 my take home pay, I'd say £1k a month is brilliant

Obviously. What a brag.

Sorry, just to clarify, the saving of £1000 is from my DH income alone. With DC SEN I have to available most of the day for pick up and drop offs and anything in between.

I have a little business/side hustle/hobby that I can’t commit to much but have a good friend that will oversee it so generating an extra £500 a month roughly.

🙄

Are you joking? I’d swap to having nothing each month if it meant my my DC was NT and I never had to worry about whether they will be independent (unlikely given they have to go to a SEN school)

So you piss off to bed and think about that. If you’re skint do something about it l!!! There’s nothing I can do to help my ND child who can’t read or write or be independent!!

I don’t feel like this was a brag post at all. I can understand why it would be so frustrating when you both have different approaches to money.
i work full time and am lucky if i can save £100 per month, it honestly brings me to tears sometimes.
msybe looking at future spending / retirement costs with your DH could help so you can have specific goals for saving instead of just scrimping and scraping to aimlessly save

Maybe this should be on the relationships board, reworded to explain the real problem, which is your controlling dh.

Ooooh OP I just wrote a supportive post for you and then read you wrote ‘if you’re skint do something about it’

not cool at all.

if you’ve really experienced the living hand to mouth, you’d understand it’s not as simple as that

Yeah such a bag having a ND child. All the money in he world I would give up to make their life ‘normal’ and easier…..

The point in this thread is that money means nothing when your kids are struggling so much.

Do you want to swap lives?

Don't mind the sarky comments on here.
My situation is similar, I have 2 children both SEN but mild but like you I still need to be available constantly. We save different amounts each month but probably similar to yourself although it's usually short/medium term like for bathroom renovation or new car etc not long term savings. My DH doesn't mind me spending money, I work 2 days a week also and earn about €1100 net but he is the breadwinner. He does however constantly stress about our pensions even though we both have one. My attitude is by all means have one but not everyone even lives to retirement, life is for living.
My life experiences have made me think this way though, being very ill in my 30's, losing a parent young etc
I think its down to your life experiences and your perspective. By anyone's standards saving £1000 a month is great so well done on doing that and not squandering it!

Bless you, thank you for your understanding post. Xx

Very true, I might do that.

I’m not skint….far from it….such assumptions …. Very judgy OP😠
I just don’t like braggers 🙄

My dc have additional needs..

Many parents of disabled children live in poverty due to having to give up work. Count your blessings that's not an issue for you

Your husband attitude to money is ruining your marriage. There is something really horrible about having a partner who is really tight and begrudges spending money that he actually has on everyday things. I would hate to have someone checking every penny I spent and moaning at the same time that he had no money.

But it does though.

It gives you options that many parents of disabled children will never have.