To think if you save £1000 each month you’re doing very well…

[Itsmeeeeee]

DH and I have different opinions on finances. I came from nothing and rarely had any surplus at the end of the month so I know what it’s like living on the bread line - hand to mouth.

On the other hand he’s never been short of money and never had to scrimp and save. He worked really hard but his parents were also very helpful. I never had that as my mam died when I was 21 and rarely seen my selfishness twat of a dad…

I consider myself fortunate now as I adore my husband. We’ve been together years and I supported him through his training and career. He was on a low wage when we met, but now he’s on over £62k.

We save about £900-£1100 a month and we can still enjoy nights away, 2/3 meals and drinks out a month, takeaways, home improvements of say £250 and we save that amount. I think it’s incredible abd we’re so lucky and he think meh

In the coming weeks we’ll be able to save an extra £500 a month on top of the £1000 from my business earnings. I only work about 5 hours a week as my DC has SEN so I need to be available constantly.

Our mortgage is £70,000 on a house valued at £270,000 so our mortgage is a lot less than a lot of peoples. We also live in northern England so it’s a cheaper area. We will also pay off 10% of our mortgage ever year so will pay it off by the time we’re 50 hopefully.

I would give anything for my DC to be NT but such is life. I do think I’m (we’re) lucky to have a lovely disposable income and so many people would be more than happy with that so I appreciate it for that reason.

DH panics and I’m like FFS get a grip!! Is that because I’ve come from nothing and he’s always had money?….I feel so fortunate and he stresses so much that it puts me off. Penny pinching over the price of a fucking chicken! It winds me up so much that I could consider leaving him because he doesn’t appreciate how fortunate he is financially, especially in this day and age.

Thoughts…..

I totally appreciate your first post and I wrote a reply because you sound absolutely lovely.

I completely understand it’s not as easy as doing something about it and I’ve always said someone that works 40 hours in a minimum wage job works as hard as someone on £50k I understand not having much which is why I get annoyed with my DH

It pisses me off though when someone assumes having money is the only important thing, that’s what I mean when I say I bet these people moaning about my post would feel different if they had a child with SEN. If they feel so strongly about money and that’s the only important thing then they could get a second job to compensate (but they couldn’t if they had a child with SEN)

I certainly didn’t mean to offend you, your post was genuine

Do you have children with SEN?????

I do count my blessings financially though my DH gets the final say.

Parents of children with SEN shouldn’t have to live on the breadline. It’s disgusting that they have to live in poverty and can barely work if for example they get cares allowance. It’s beyond maddening and I hope that they change this as it’s so unfair

Just 1

You're doing really well, agree with the "especially in this day and age" my sister used to volunteer at a food bank and she would meet people who had good careers and still needed help to get by, she said she often met nurses and other NHS workers needing a little extra help.

We live in a society of mass.consumerism where everything is sold to us and everything can be upgraded the next year like the iPhones etc.

Keep saving.

This.

So you have a child with SEN then I assume you understand how hard it is? And that I’d give up everything to have a child that didn’t have special needs and could attend a mainstream school and live independently?!….

but then not all children with SEN are the same. Some can attend mainstream school…

I'd rather be skint than be with a dude that moans about the shopping when you are obviously very comfortable.

You should do something about the controlling husband.

But I would not come on MN and brag about how much I earn and how much I save….it’s not classy

I understand that and it’s not fair. I think the government should help so much much more the parents of children with SEN. It’s appalling as it’s so hard for parents. You have my sympathies and support there.

I would still prefer to live on £30 savings a month and have a child that’s is completely independent and happy than saving thousands with an adult child that will never live a normal life

It’s all relative isn’t it. Saving £1k will be loads for some and not for others.

I can’t stand people being tight who don’t need to be.

Having ND children brings challenges no matter what your financial position is, but money makes parts of it easier.

I'd love my DS to be NT.

I'd love to be able to save £1000 a month.

But neither of these things is possible. DS1 has ASD. After paying rent, I don't have £1000 left over to pay for food, electricity, gas and transport.

If anyone can afford to save £1000 a month, they're doing well.

Bragging is when you portray everything perfect. That’s the point of this thread. My life is far from perfect despite having money. I’d give it up in a heartbeat if it meant my DC was ok.

I wish the government were more understanding of the needs of children who are ND. Cares allowance should be a lot more

Is your husband's attitude towards money die to her concerns about providing for your child in future?

If that's what is driving in, then I think taking out some life cover, income protection and critical illness cover would be a better option that arguing Iver the price of chicken.

If he is just generally controlling and tight, then that's a much bigger issue and a very difficult mindset to change.

Bragging is being boastful….in your case about your earnings and how much you can save.
and you were more than happy to judge me and tell me ‘to do something about being skint’….. …although I’ve probably got more than you…..which shows little regard for all the people with Sen kids who haven’t got a pot to piss in ….let alone 1000quid to save…..like I said….not classy

That’s your opinion that I was being boastful. If you cared to read the rest of the post you would see that I was referring to DH as being ridiculous for being tight. It’s his earnings not mine if you missed that point. I still feel skint but know that he’s OTT because most of my life I’ve lived hand to mouth.

I’m not really sure what your issue is, you’re happy to say you have have more than me (which I can quite believe as I have nothing in my own name)

I’d speak to your husband and tell him you can’t live like it and won’t live like it.Tell him tgsg you’ve actually thought of leaving him because he’s so tight it makes you miserable.

Don't listen to the Debbie Downers & Negative Neds!

Your post made me giggle 🤣😂 brilliant!!

I have a little business/side hustle/hobby that I can’t commit to much but have a good friend that will oversee it so generating an extra £500 a month roughly

Just what are these 'side hustles' that I read about on MN that generate £500 pm? They seem to fit around family life perfectly and you hardly have to do fuck all.

What are they?!

I think you’re getting a hard time OP and that it didn’t sound like you are bragging. People are ignoring the actual issue you’re posting about, in that your DH won’t let you spend money despite being in a good financial position.
I have a child with severe SEN too and despite us having no money worries, I’d give anything for him to be able to live a normal, independent life. I’d also love for me to not be awake with him all night again tonight (6th night in a row) knowing that I have to put in a full day at work tomorrow. People not in this situation don’t get it.

Out of all the overt, unnecessary, braggy posts I read on mn I really don't think this is one of them at all.

I think you and your dh just have different attitudes towards spending/saving op but also that your family budget needs a bit of tweaking.

You mention saving £1k a month but then having to ask before you spend any of it...if some of it's being spent on everyday things (like nicer chickens!) then it's not really 'savings' and it sounds like your shopping budget isn't really as much as needed. If your dh has a figure of £1k stuck in his head he might be finding the drip drip out of this amount stressful.

If you have another £500pm due to come in, how about not saving this? Speak to dh, make sure he knows your original £1k will be totally ringfenced from now but that you'd like to put the £500pm towards the family everyday budget so that you can ease the pressure of the general family spends?

I don't earn this amount a month let alone can ever expect to "save it"

I thought you were originally saying you have a nice lifestyle currently, with takeaways, occasional nights out, and so on. You're able to afford to work less to be available to care for your child. But then you say you're unhappy.

How 'controlling' is your husband, really, and how does he exercise this control? How much more do you want/need to spend to be satisfied? Can the two of you not compromise?

You've pointed out that you feel lucky to be doing so well in the current economic climate, but maybe the fact that times are tough for so many people is exactly why your husband worries about not having enough savings. Perhaps he'd like to be able to retire early or is concerned that your child will need every bit you can save. His family may have had plenty of money at least partly because they had a stricter approach to budgeting, or possibly he's instinctively worried if he doesn't feel he has the same level of security his parents had when he was young.

Neither of you is necessarily wrong.