To think if you save £1000 each month you’re doing very well…

[Itsmeeeeee]

DH and I have different opinions on finances. I came from nothing and rarely had any surplus at the end of the month so I know what it’s like living on the bread line - hand to mouth.

On the other hand he’s never been short of money and never had to scrimp and save. He worked really hard but his parents were also very helpful. I never had that as my mam died when I was 21 and rarely seen my selfishness twat of a dad…

I consider myself fortunate now as I adore my husband. We’ve been together years and I supported him through his training and career. He was on a low wage when we met, but now he’s on over £62k.

We save about £900-£1100 a month and we can still enjoy nights away, 2/3 meals and drinks out a month, takeaways, home improvements of say £250 and we save that amount. I think it’s incredible abd we’re so lucky and he think meh

In the coming weeks we’ll be able to save an extra £500 a month on top of the £1000 from my business earnings. I only work about 5 hours a week as my DC has SEN so I need to be available constantly.

Our mortgage is £70,000 on a house valued at £270,000 so our mortgage is a lot less than a lot of peoples. We also live in northern England so it’s a cheaper area. We will also pay off 10% of our mortgage ever year so will pay it off by the time we’re 50 hopefully.

I would give anything for my DC to be NT but such is life. I do think I’m (we’re) lucky to have a lovely disposable income and so many people would be more than happy with that so I appreciate it for that reason.

DH panics and I’m like FFS get a grip!! Is that because I’ve come from nothing and he’s always had money?….I feel so fortunate and he stresses so much that it puts me off. Penny pinching over the price of a fucking chicken! It winds me up so much that I could consider leaving him because he doesn’t appreciate how fortunate he is financially, especially in this day and age.

Thoughts…..

To an extent I’m with you. BUT I don’t receive child benefit because of my husbands earnings and he isn’t even their dad; they have no access to his money, his kids ( who have direct access to his money) get child benefit as their mum claims it. It isn’t fair , at all. My daughter has ASD and ADHD and I don’t even get child benefit ( which would help a little with stuff she needs) . So. I don’t think people who already have a significant amount of spare money should get more money from the state until the system is completely overhauled and is fairer to EVERYONE.

It’s not always fair, but child benefit is completely different . Your husband lives with your children I’m guessing and their mum is single? That will be why. If your husband is living with you as a family then he will be contributing to bills etc so they see it as you don’t need it. It’s only £20 a week anyway, is it not?

Just because you feel one rule isn’t fair that doesn’t negate the fact that carers allowance isn’t fair. When you’re a carer you actually have responsibilities above and beyond normal family life that you would literally get paid a (albeit shit) wage for under normal circumstances. The government exploit it.

Unpaid carers save the state a fortune. If you want to remove carer’s allowance from those who don’t have significant earnings themself but who live in a household where others have higher earnings then you are going to cost the state more overall.

It is a choice to live with a partner who isn’t DC’s and who won’t support the whole family despite an income of more than £80k. It isn’t a choice to have a disabled child.

Nope she is married , he just doesn’t earn as much ( though he pays all their bills) so no, it’s not fair ( on my kids or me)

I agree that the government exploit family carers absolutely, but I still believe the entire benefits systems needs scrapping and starting again. It doesn’t work, it’s not fair, it’s not consistent and some people absolutely take the piss.

If you think someone providing at least 35hrs a week of care to a disabled person for £81.90 is taking the piss you haven’t got a clue. Try finding paid for care for anywhere near that.

If you don’t like your financial set up where a high earning partner won’t contribute to family costs there’s nothing stopping you leaving your partner.

SOME people take the piss. Seriously. stop jumping on posts and making shit up!

( PS I don’t need his money. It’s the principle thanks, my kids miss out and his kids don't - it just highlight how screwed the system is - it was and EXAMPLE . I don’t need to be kept. )

I have a child with SEN (in a Specialist setting, ND, almost non verbal, needs 24 hour care) I save £80 a month but then often have to dip into it. I parent alone, my other dc (also disabled) is away at uni. We struggle to stay afloat and I am unable to hold down a job as dd2 is not in a full time placement.

I don’t find your post Braggy or offensive, you’re lucky you have a dh and are able to have 2 wedges coming in so you can save £1000 a month. You shouldn’t have to asked to spend money though, it’s your money.

Well she might be married but obviously between them they earn less than you as a household so that will be why. The government obviously don’t think you need it with the amount that you have coming in, rightly or wrongly. Whether or not your children have direct access to your husband’s money is irrelevant, because he contributes to the household that your children live in and benefit from.

Carers shouldn’t be compared as it’s a completely different benefit used for a completely different purpose.

I’m not ‘making shit up’. Your posts are objecting to carers claiming carer’s allowance. No carer is taking the piss. If you mean other benefit claimants then your posts aren’t relevant to the thread.

Your kids don’t miss out. It is swings and roundabouts. You may not be eligible for child benefit for your DC because of DPs income but your household benefits in other ways eg. child maintenance legally due to the mother of his DC is lower because of your DC.

You are determined to take the wrong messages from most posts.

I have not, In any post; said that people claiming carers benefits are taking the piss. I have said that people take the piss out of the system ( benefits as a whole) none of it is fair, in some cases carers should get more, but they can’t , because in other areas people take more than they need / are actually entitled to and there is a limited pot. it needs an OVERHAUL.

but as you can’t see ANY other viewpoint other than your own then I’ll bid you a nice day and leave it there! Sorry to the OP for slight hijack

Sorry, just to clarify, the saving of £1000 is from my DH income alone.

This is suspect is the problem. He doesn't like you spending what he sees as HIS hard earned money.

If you don’t include carers in your posts then why on earth is it relevant in any way to the thread.

You may not be eligible for child benefit for your DC because of DPs income

You can claim (assuming you don't also earn over the threshold). They'll just pull it back from the the higher earner in tax.

OP, you're doing well. I think that how you're raised makes a big difference - and it's not necessarily to do with how much money there was floating around when you were younger.

If there was never enough, you can either go extremely frugal, or, spend it as soon as it comes in because there's never enough anyway - I've seen it go both ways.

If he grew up comfortably, it might be that it wasn't actually completely comfortable, but because of the frugality of his parents (looking back, I didn't realise how poor we were as kids, because my parents were very handy, and would make/build stuff and I didn't realise that's why I never had anything new). On the other hand, it can be controlling - my ex would always worry at me about if we had enough money (sometimes yes, sometimes no), but then go off and spend when he felt like it (and make me feel sorry for him - he was spending because he was down, and needed to cheer himself up), while I was walking miles to avoid spending out on buses or taxis to pick up the kids, and saving every penny I could on clothes and food. It was 100% a controlling tactic from him, to keep me in line though.

Ah yes, I was meaning eligible for the money on top of the money the household already receives rather than just redistributing who receives from what source, but yes pp could do this.

F

You were reasonable... until the last line!! You'd consider leaving him as he worries about not being financially secure enough?!?!?!? That's bloody awful!!!

I'm in the same position with a considerably lower income, the very real possibility of being made redundant next year if funding doesn't come through and less savings and he seems to be worrying more than I am!

During school hours is hard, there might be appointments, at one point we were easily having two to three visits a week to the house from various support services. DS currently has around 70% school attendance, often goes in late - DH might not be back from dropping him off until 11 or 12 and has to leave about 2.10 to pick him up. Luckily I finish about 4/4.30 (WFH) so can take over with DS then, sort out dinner and do the bedtime routine which thankfully only takes 2.5-3hrs now. DH then works, often until late, and works weekends. Frankly, it's not sustainable, we're both absolutely exhausted.