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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To keep son off on sports day

104 replies

Hiccups1 · 12/05/2024 20:55

Hi, after some opinions please as I’m unsure what to do. My son is 6 nearly 7. He has autism and hates sports day. He’s not sporty and comes last in most races. I know somebody has to come last but he won’t accept it. The last few years has been horrible to watch. He gets upsets during and after the race. I’ve had to attend to him multiple times to reassure and calm him down during the events. He suffers with anxiety and gets so worked up about it. I swore last year I wouldn’t send him on sports day this year as it’s not kind for him to experience and as a parents it’s not nice seeing your child like that. but now it’s coming around again I don’t know what to do. I understand we teach our children it’s not about winning but the taking part, but no matter how much I say this to him, he cannot comprehend it as part of his autism. Would I be unreasonable to keep him off and say he’s unwell? Or am I making a rod for my own back?

OP posts:
Hawdyerwheesht · 12/05/2024 20:58

Yanbu

PTSDBarbiegirl · 12/05/2024 20:59

Keep him off, don't even think about it. You're right, it's too much for him and you can rightly opt him out. No need to makeup an excuse, just explain it's anxiety issues, might make the school plan for the needs of SEN kids a bit more.

GoodVibesHere · 12/05/2024 21:00

YANBU

100% keep him home. No need to put him through it.

trampoline123 · 12/05/2024 21:00

Keep him off and go for a nice day out.

Jellycatspyjamas · 12/05/2024 21:01

I’d keep him home, he has lots of time to learn resilience and taking part - in the meantime being so distressed isn’t good for him.

Invisablepanic · 12/05/2024 21:01

Keep him off. If he was just a bit lacking in confidence or just didn't like sports it would be different but if it's due to his autism don't make his life harder than it needs to be. A yearly sports day is not a life skill in this case.

meemawww · 12/05/2024 21:01

Nope don't make him do it

hjrl · 12/05/2024 21:01

Keep him off and make that your special day doing all his favourite things

Waffleson · 12/05/2024 21:02

Yanbu, but really the school should have some games/competitions that are suitable for him. Our school has a fun run and a mix of activities, sone competitive and some just fun.

Hiccups1 · 12/05/2024 21:02

Thank you, you’re all confirming what I know and feel is right x

OP posts:
Ponderingwindow · 12/05/2024 21:02

Yanbu

my ASD child also has asthma.
we ended up in a&e more than once because of sports day. The school just would not make sure was safe.

I don’t trust the school at all when it comes to ND and medically fragile children and sport. Even regular PE days end up causing problems regularly. Sports day is definitely ok to skip.

StormingNorman · 12/05/2024 21:02

Could you speak to the school to find a way for him to join in without competing.

bloodyplumbing · 12/05/2024 21:03

YANBU

SouthLondonMum22 · 12/05/2024 21:03

Keep him off.

It’s just sports day and isn’t a battle I’d pick. I’d say the same if he wasn’t autistic too.

PurpleBugz · 12/05/2024 21:03

I'm autistic and parent to autistic kids. I say keep him off

NoddyfromToytown2024 · 12/05/2024 21:04

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines - previously banned poster.

JoniBlue · 12/05/2024 21:04

I'd keep him home
How I hated those sports days. Luckily only had attened a couple. Nobody ever explained what to do, waiting in hot sun, confused, thirsty and miserable.

PuppyMonkey · 12/05/2024 21:05

Sports Day is bollocks - of course keep him off and do this every year for the rest of his school life.

MigGirl · 12/05/2024 21:05

I imagine it's not just about the not winning for him, bit the whole day being totally different to normal is probably quite difficult for him to cope with anyway.
I would keep him off and doing something that he is happy to do, what ever that is.

hendoop · 12/05/2024 21:07

Keep him off 100% if he ever wishes to find a sport Brazilian juijitsu is really popular with neurodiverse people (myself included)

Do something lovely with him instead

Hemakesmesmile2 · 12/05/2024 21:08

As a fellow autism mum-absolutely keep him off. Luckily my son is ok most of the time with losing, but it wasn’t always like that. Though he would hide any upset at school even from a young age. It’s not worth the meltdowns and anxiety it would cause him 🥰

pastapestoparmesan · 12/05/2024 21:10

Surely if he’s in Y2 he’s only experienced sports day twice at the most? I’d be seriously questioning what mad competitive environment was in place in EYFS/KS1 at his school to cause this much anxiety. In my experience, sports day at this age is entirely participation focused, with a little added competition for anyone who likes running races.

Rubyandscarlett · 12/05/2024 21:12

I wish my mum had kept me off and saved me the utter humiliation of sports day.
I am all for teaching kids resilience but this isn't the best way imo.

MyOtherCarisAVauxhallZafira · 12/05/2024 21:13

The school need to plan for him, ask them what adjustments they are making for the day to be accessible? My cousin (sounds similar to your son) used to do things like measure the long jump and record the distances , and they also used to have some team events that weren't about skill or practice, like whole class tug of war, that he loved joining in with because the other kids were no better than he was and it inevitably ended with loads of children in a heap laughing, that was 30+ years ago and he didn't even have a diagnosis then, they just recognised his needs were different

PinkMendinilla · 12/05/2024 21:14

If it's right for him then deffo let him take the day off but might it be suitable/worth asking about a helper's role instead of a competitor's? Obv if not suitable for him please ignore but it might be a nice way to make him part of the day without the stress of the competition

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