To keep son off on sports day

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Hi, after some opinions please as I’m unsure what to do. My son is 6 nearly 7. He has autism and hates sports day. He’s not sporty and comes last in most races. I know somebody has to come last but he won’t accept it. The last few years has been horrible to watch. He gets upsets during and after the race. I’ve had to attend to him multiple times to reassure and calm him down during the events. He suffers with anxiety and gets so worked up about it. I swore last year I wouldn’t send him on sports day this year as it’s not kind for him to experience and as a parents it’s not nice seeing your child like that. but now it’s coming around again I don’t know what to do. I understand we teach our children it’s not about winning but the taking part, but no matter how much I say this to him, he cannot comprehend it as part of his autism. Would I be unreasonable to keep him off and say he’s unwell? Or am I making a rod for my own back?

Talk to the school. I'm gobsmacked they haven't put anything in place. Does it not come up at his IEP meetings? Then keep him off for that reason. Don't pretend he's sick.

I was a very bright child and useless at sports. My DM couldn’t have cared less about being good at sport and always let me stay home on sports day. Come to that, she took us out of school for the day when Gone with the Wind was re-released and we went to see it in the West End.

Is it really a sports "day" if he's only 6? Surely more likely an hour or so?

I would think a better option would be to discuss your concerns and see if the event could be more inclusive (my DC's school do a round robin thing where everyone just gets points for their team and there are no individual races) or if he could be given a role that doesn't involve competing, rather than lying about him being ill.

Of course just keep him off.

I kept my autistic son off on sports day after it was really stressing him out. My daughter used to stay home as well but last year she wanted to go but I had to watch as she was the last one in every race (she was quite overweight then) and it was heartbreaking. I want to keep her off this year but its her last one before secondary school and she won't want to miss it

Kept mine off every sports day

As a parent of a young adult with ASD I completely agree. Their whole life is having to find ways to live and thrive in a world which poses challenges every single day. Sometimes you just need a day off.

Do what's best for your son.

Keep him at home.

Out school have decided no parents for sports day since covid as all the kids get on great. No meltdowns, no pressure, no kids having to stay off or Sent home. ALL kids take part. It's lovely

You wouldnt believe the stink some parents have kicked up about not being able to attend

Even without autism, anything that causes a child that much anxiety is not worth it, let alone a sports day! Definitely go with your gut here.

For many children sports day is a little drop of hell that's forced into their life once a year.

Image if we had a maths contest with all the parents invited and where all the scores were make public for all to see. That would never happen. Why do it for PE?

I would. Sports day isn't for everyone and that's OK 👍🏼

Definitely keep him off!I kept dd1 off youngest in year very competitive but just came last in every race. She hated the public humiliation. So I called her in sick and we’d spend the day reading in the garden.

Ignore all those “it will teach them to bail” nonsense. Dd did a sport she enjoyed for years and is working like mad for her a levels and on track for top grades. Athletics is not and never will be her thing.

I strategically booked a medical app for DS on sports day once as he hated it so much. I really think schools should realise it isn't for everyone!

Ask for adjustments. Would he be interested in having a job to do instead of racing? Collecting scores on a clipboard, being in charge of beanbags or whatever.

I think Y2 is quite early to give up on it, and it can have a different flavour every year anyway, so talk to his teacher before giving up on it.

of course keep him home, it's not worth the stress. Sports days are supposed to be fun.

I don't think anyone should be forced to compete in sports day, it's awful if you hate sport. Keep him off and have a nice day!

I am keeping teenage dd home for her sports day. She hates sports and is rubbish at it, hates all the 'fun stuff for the non sporty', life is too short.

I hate sports day!

We wouldn't make them get up and do maths in front of the whole school if they weren't very good at it!

I've no idea why this is accepted.

Keep him home, do something nice instead - you could always do a nature walk or something and say you're doing your own sporty activity day.

I would keep him off this year but plan for next year so he doesn't learn that he can just opt out of things he isn't instantly good at. I have an ASD DD and I think it is awful how many children with ASD are written off as not sporty when they are very young, by school and parents. It might be a steeper learning curve at the beginning, team sports might not be the right fit, might take more teaching and help, but the benefits will follow them through their whole lives.

Exercise is absolutely fundamental to my DD regulating, it is seeking out proprioceptive stimuli, helps her sleep well, she is always happier and destressed by a run or swim (even better if it's pouring with rain or really muddy).

If he doesn't like how unknown it all is, then practice egg and spoon* with him at home, get him used to the idea. Even if he only does that one race next year, you will have made progress rather than hiding away. If he doesn't like being slow, get him along to junior parkrun, where he is only compared against his own previous times and he will learn that he gets out what he puts in.

*or similar

Good luck!

It's the big picture. The entire day is charged with frenetic energy. Everyone is wearing different clothes, travelling through the school surrounded by 100's of other loud, colourful, moving bodies, bumping into, jostling past. It's not being able to process the booming instructions, all yelled full pelt through a tannoy, it's the bewilderment and abject horror of not understanding what is going on, why everyone including parents are shouting and screaming in the direction of their child. Your body being in fight, flight or freeze, possibly lashing out because nobody is listening that you really 'can't do it'. It's the shame of having to be walked back to class because you've wet yourself or worse. As well as being a crumpled, worn out wreck for days after and needing your safe adults to co regulate and see you. Schools & most people in general are mostly fucking clueless about ND needs, inclusion and the impact. Would you do this to an adult? Honestly, it's not about conforming. These days are hell for many kids. When days like this include STEM, Lego building, raft building, art, dance, music etc they will be inclusive.

I keep my son off for sports day as he's not sporty and hates it. I had years of feeling so stressed and anxious about sports day at primary school, as I come from a very sporty family and I was def the odd one out. So when my son got upset about it I didn't even hesitate to keep him home. My daughter on the other had loves it

I kept my son off from primary school sports day a couple of times. He's not autistic, just rubbish at running, always last. He hated it and so did I. Some parents are ridiculously competitive and shout and holler for their kids. I know some kids love it and it is their moment to shine. That's fine. My son would have shone if there had been a public maths competition which all parents were invited to spectate and cheer at, but that's not a thing. If it was, I don't imagine many parents would be enthusiastic about seeing their kids come last at that, in front of everybody. Keep your son off and don't give it another thought.