To keep son off on sports day

[Hiccups1]

Hi, after some opinions please as I’m unsure what to do. My son is 6 nearly 7. He has autism and hates sports day. He’s not sporty and comes last in most races. I know somebody has to come last but he won’t accept it. The last few years has been horrible to watch. He gets upsets during and after the race. I’ve had to attend to him multiple times to reassure and calm him down during the events. He suffers with anxiety and gets so worked up about it. I swore last year I wouldn’t send him on sports day this year as it’s not kind for him to experience and as a parents it’s not nice seeing your child like that. but now it’s coming around again I don’t know what to do. I understand we teach our children it’s not about winning but the taking part, but no matter how much I say this to him, he cannot comprehend it as part of his autism. Would I be unreasonable to keep him off and say he’s unwell? Or am I making a rod for my own back?

I do totally get this (I am neurodiverse with two DC awaiting assessment) but I’m also a big fan of a strength’s based approach to living with neurodiversity. So participating in races isn’t his thing - but he might flourish if asked to help a teacher with organisation/keeping scores. Maybe he won’t, or just find the noise and clamour too overwhelming even if not participating and that’s fine too, but I think it’s always worth thinking “is there another way?”.

I’ve spent many years beating myself up for all the things I can’t do and it’s done wonders for myself esteem to give myself credit for the things I can do (and excel at) and find ways to make those things my focus, even if that means following a different path from others.

But also yes, sometimes you do just need a day off ❤️

Definitely keep him off. I kept my secondary age autistic daughter off for sports day because of her anxiety. I informed the school in advance so that they didn't include her in any events.

I have also encouraged my son but you do have to pick your battles!

Sports day is meh. So we explored options like Drama and him singing a solo in front of 200 people was more rewarding then helping a teacher at sports day. Exposing him to stress like that would have meant less resilience to do his Drama.

There are other battles that have more worthwhile outcomes than sports day - if he did take part what would be the best outcome eg he survived it?

Bumping this as our school had their sports day this week. I noticed they’d given some helper roles to a couple of children (who I think couldn’t participate for physical health reasons rather than neurodivergence but I’m not sure) and they had also set up a chill out space in a shady spot with books, colouring and some sensory toys for the children who needed it - some seemed to stay there for the duration and others joined in some activities and came to the chill out spot later. The teachers were really supportive of some children who needed some extra help to participate,

I know it’s not perfect, and I know one of DS’s ND friends who participated on the day found the lead-in quite challenging (as they do many events which are out of the usual routine). But still was good to see the efforts made to make it inclusive.