To be upset by suggestion I am neurodiverse?

[RaggyDollsFan]

I went to see a psychologist privately (proper BACP-registered one before anyone asks) about birth trauma.

About 10 mins into the appointment she suddenly asked, ‘Are you neurodiverse? Has anyone ever asked you that before?’

They have not. I know she meant to be helpful as I gather there are lots of women out there for whom a late discovery of neurodiversity has been extremely positive. Suddenly their whole lives have started to make sense to them and they’ve been able to ‘connect to their tribe.’

The question came up because she’d asked whether I had a good support network and I’d said no, not really. Although I have some good friends I’ve collected over the years, they’re now very geographically scattered and at different life stages. Through having a baby I’d hoped to create a new social network locally but I’ve found this a lot harder than I expected. I’ve been disappointed with baby groups and have struggled to find others I really connect with.

Since the neurodiversity suggestion, I’ve become a bit paranoid, wondering whether it’s obvious to everyone that I’m somehow strange and different. I’m much less likely to take social risks now than I was before and overall it’s just made me more unhappy. I’m not sure where to go with this now and am genuinely confused as to whether I am ND or not. My OH asks, ‘Does it matter? Regardless, you are you and have come this far.’ Yet having a professional raise this has brought up a lot of self-doubt and upset.

I’m a NT woman, I don’t like baby groups either, I feel like other mums can be different in their acceptance of little ones behaviours. Different parent styles from myself (not a bad thing, I’m me and they are not) so I never really felt like baby classes and groups were for me, a stress I didn’t need. I’m not saying this is the case for you, but some people who have experienced child abuse, da/dv, and even shy people or people with anxiety can say things that aren’t seen on first impression as socially normal, those of us who have had times of social weirdness (how I describe myself when younger) can be nt or nd, it’s no indication of the rest of your life

BACP don’t have membership for psychologists. It may have been a psychotherapist, who would not normally be qualified to diagnose neurodiversity. If it was in the first 10 minutes of the session then I’m wondering if this was part of the assessment and a question that is asked of all new clients?
However, it seems to have stayed with you and caused you to ask questions of yourself. Maybe there is something to it, or your thought patterns or behaviours have changed due to trauma?
I hope the EMDR is helpful and you get the answers you need.

@RaggyDollsFan It would be part of an assessment to ask if a client had any diagnosed conditions but I would be surprised if that question got asked within 10 mins purely on the basis of your presentation/ history , unless it was part of the assessment?

Without wanting to upset you when you're feeling low OP, these are very damaging stereotypes.
I have a ND son and have learned a lot since coming to understand the autistic community more.
Before I had my son and went through his diagnosis and got better informed I held similar incorrect views on ND people. I'm still learning.
Since my son having his diagnosis I've realised my husband is autistic too and it's made me realise how important the positive traits ND people tend to have are to me. I naturally gravitate towards people who are quirky,honest,have deep interests, are deeply loyal and loving. Those are all traits my husband and son have.
You may or may not be ND. It may be helpful for you to know. But noone is trying to change who you are, just to help better understand yourself.
I hope you're ok.

So you’ve come on to tell us that ND is ‘strange’ and ‘weird’.

Then you’ve responded to someone saying that ND is trendy without saying how bad that is to say.

Then you’ve responded to someone saying they’re just after money basically agreeing with them.

Nice.

You clearly have negative thoughts about people who are ND.

Your reaction to the question seems over the top.

She asked because you made so statement that frequently, but not, exclusively to ND people. She just asked as it make gave an impact for the rest if the session. It seems like she was just seeking clarity.

I don't see what's wrong with asking the question? It's not offensive, it doesn't imply anything. It seems strange to be so impacted by it.

I was going to say the very same thing. Just because she's a qualified psychiatrist doesn't mean she isn't on the make. Private health providers, either mental or physical, don't always come with the best intentions.

@RaggyDollsFan I've read your posts but not the whole thread so apologies if I'm repeating. I'm late diagnosed ASD, good in certain social situations (my job requires me to be highly attuned and talking to people all day about difficult things)

Through my assessment I realised that the issue I have socially is giving off 'I'm fine, don't talk to me' vibes. So not doing anything obviously odd or awkward, just not inviting people to be sociable. It's not unusual for women who are late diagnosed and who 'mask' well to be perceived as quietly confident, perhaps a bit aloof, or just independent.

The topics we were discussing that highlighted this for me were; finding it very hard to get served at a bar, or being ignored when queuing, people at work not sure when to come over and ask me a question because I always 'look busy'. It's very subtle for me eg re eye contact, body language etc.

Please don't assume that it's something drastic that someone has noticed in you. It may be nothing, it may be a sign that you're ND but it doesn't mean there is anything very obvious to the 'average' person. For me it really helped because quite simply I learned not to take it personally if I'm not invited to things, and to be a bit more forward in asking other people to things!

It's upsetting her because she's ND and can't process the information that she is ND. Some people find a diagnosis useful. Some don't.

I'm not convinced you can diagnose after 10 minutes, if it helps.

If it’s even true, the psychologist only asked a question.

I think it was really bollocks of her to suggest you are ND just because you never made mates at a baby group. It’s pretty normal for there to be quite a narrow group of people you ‘click’ with. We can’t all be gregarious social butterflies.

Some mental health professionals are just a bit crap. I’d put her down as a crap one and not give it any more thought.

YANBU. After ten minutes she has decided you might be neuro-diverse? And she thinks it's a good idea to mention this impression to you.

Her approach is ridiculous and totally unprofessional. She has dropped this on you, without making a proper assessment. Something which (if accurate) could totally alter the narrative of your life and then just left you to it.

It’s really positive for someone to know they might be ND. It can explain a lot.

Do you see ND people as lesser?

These tests seem very flawed to me. They don't take into account which questions you answer in either a strongly autistic or strongly non autistic way. For example, you could answer all the questions regarding social interactions in a very non consistent with autism way (prefer working with others, enjoy social events, enjoy meeting new people, good at making new friends, prefer group activities to solo pursuits, find it easy to read others intentions, find it easy to understand and pick up on sub texts in person and written situations, enjoyed pretend play as a child etc) but if you answer enough of the other questions in a way consistent with autism, you'll get a positive for autism result.

The tests don't analyse which questions you score in each direction. There are some fundamentals in autism and you could have none of these but lots of the less fundamental ones and yet still score highly for autism.

ditch her+her credentials?
IF you were (knowingly)ND ...surely youd have identified this diagnosis from off set.
Trauma(any level)can have an immediate impact on perception annd affect how you may"normally" handle it.
i KNOW that AND am not a psychologist.
Im (guessing\suspect ) trauma to point realise seeking help with it...=not your "typical"self.
seriously- ditch her.

This. It’s just a question

A lot of people won't even notice. I married into a family with a lot of ASD. I just thought they were good at maths! I just had no experience of ASD at the time. I can spot signs of it sometimes in people since I've been around a lot of it.

Well for one, you can't be neurodiverse as a person. It's neurodivergent.

Two, I can understand you being shocked. Offended? No. I am neurodivergent though, so perhaps that's why. It feels insulting to read someone offended at the idea of existing like me.

I'm autistic and ADHD and I'm awesome. You could be too 👍

Hey OP. I’m sorry you found this suggestion so confronting and anxiety inducing. I am a psychotherapist and I struggle whether to bring up suspicions I have about ND with clients who clearly don’t have it on their radar. I can imagine how difficult that would be to hear.

I wanted to share my personal experience, as someone with ADHD (diagnosed in adolescence). Becoming a mother creates a major crisis for people who are ND. All the strategies you have for managing it go out the window. Children don’t give you plenty of sleep and let you factor in a lot of time to maintain a structured routine. I would definitely class myself as socially anxious now!

Women often get diagnosed after having children or during menopause. So it wouldn’t be unusual, if you were ND, for it to be manifesting now. But that doesn’t mean you are. If I was you I would find out because this uncertainty is causing anxiety for you. Good luck x

Highly inappropriate of the psychologist. I'd ignore it entirely and carry on with your life. And see someone different about the birth trauma!

Neurodiverse does not equate to being 'strange', OP.

Just plain rude.

Maybe there's a reason for that social anxiety, huh?!

there’s nothing wrong with being neurodivergent so it isn’t something to be offended about. it’s the same as someone asking if you’re english/american, or tall, or if you like pop music. just another facet of identity. additionally, within the context it seems necessary for the professional to determine in order to provide the most appropriate service.

Trauma and not just genes can cause ND so it's a legitimate possibility

Psychologists are a funny breed. Sometimes they are so wrapped up in their sense of prowess in 'reading' other people, they can be shockingly unaware of the impact of their own behaviour.

If you hadn't gone along to seek a view on neurodiversity, there are much gentler and more open ended ways to explore with you whether that is a question you'd be interested in. Hit and run uninvited pathologisation is not terribly ethical.