Fallen out with friend on holiday

[RichTea90]

I went away this weekend with my friend. I was already feeling a little anxious on the run up to it.

It was a girl’s weekend, and she proposed it as an early bday celebration for me as it’s my birthday this month. She’s newly married. She suggested it as her husband is in a band and played here while we were away. I had my suspicions that maybe she’d suggested this destination so she could tie in seeing her husband play but I thought hey what there’s nothing wrong with killing two birds with one stone I guess.

While we were away, she was incredibly flirty with lots of men - to the point it made me feel really uncomfortable. She gets lots of attention when we go out. On the second night out, she was getting lots of attention as always when one bloke approached the other guy we were chatting to and said “Which one do you prefer?” My friend started laughing and found it hilarious. I did not. I would rather not be objectified and treated like a piece of meat?! It was about 2am at this point and I just wanted to go to sleep. I told my friend I’d like to leave. When the guys asked why, she told them it was because I was tired. So I kind of felt blamed there and framed like a killjoy. Upon leaving the bar my friend said “hahaha isn’t it funny how that guy asked him which one do you prefer?” I gave my friend a scathing look and walked away as I needed space. She was completely unable to pick up that I was upset. When we returned to our room, she lost it with me and told “it’s always about you!” “I’ve been pandering to you this whole trip.” Which I completely don’t understand how considering everything we’ve done has been her idea, and we’d done nothing I wanted to do. I felt like I’d been dragged along to see her husband play and was then subjected to feeling bad at the bar while she flirted with lots of men.

Well, I’ll let you think what you want to think. I am not jealous. I think it’s resentment caused by my lack of assertiveness tbh.

anyway, I thank everyone for your comments. I am going to explore this further with my counsellor.

Agree with this she sounds a bit annoying but I don’t think she has done anything wrong having a flirt in a bar. Who cares ? I used to enjoy going out and flirting with people like this when younger. Couldn’t be bothered with that sort of thing now. But there is no harm in it. You have stated that weekends away with friends are tough. I don’t find it tough I enjoy the seldom weekend I get away with friends tbh

Jesus, you do sound a bit boring OP.

It’s your own fault the trip turned out the way that it did. SPEAK UP in the future 🙄 don’t want to do/go someplace? Mention it. Advocate for yourself. Don’t be passive aggressive about your annoyances.

And lighten up a bit, please. You remind me a bit of an ex friend; always felt like I had to cater to her moods. Exhausting.

ugh she sounds horrrible. girls holidays are always so tough. i never have had fun on them

Find it a bit strange the way you keep mentioning your birthday as well. Honestly I don’t expect friends to make a big fuss over my birthday anymore and don’t expect special treatment on birthdays since becoming an adult. Each to their own though.

Yes, but own that you’re resenting your own behaviour — not your friends!

Hi OP. Sorry you had to go through this. And also sorry you are getting such a lot of negative feedback. Seems pretty clear cut to me. You did nothing wrong and she just wanted to control everything. I don’t think you are jealous of her at all. I think you are - as I would be - dismayed by her behaviour. You are well shot of her. You sound classy and discerning. She does not. Move on. Try not to dwell on it. All the best.

Seems there are 2 camps here. Camp 1) you’re boring and jealous and she sounds like a lot of laughs. Camp 2) she’s selfish and a bit narcissistic, your values don’t align, the friendship has reached the end of the road. Maybe one day you’ll look back and laugh at this. But there can’t be much future in your friendship.
reminds me of a school Classics trip to Greece, one of my roommates was more interested in Greek men and boys than in the ancient sites shall we say. I came back to our room one evening to find a whole Greek football team in there.

@TheGander there is also the camp of not thinking the OP is boring or jealous but just thinking the OP and this person just don’t have compatible personalities. Without necessarily thinking the other person is narcissistic.

When the guys asked why, she told them it was because I was tired. So I kind of felt blamed there and framed like a killjoy.

There was absolutely no reason for you to feel like that. It was 2am and she gave an honest answer to a question. You certainly aren't the first person to leave a bar at 2am because you feel tired and you won't be the last.

I think you and your friend are fundamentally incompatible. Other than the debacle at the hotel, I don't think she did anything particularly wrong - you two just aren't on the same wavelength.

I’m definitely getting old, because this sounds like the kind of ‘I wanted to do this but she wants to do that’ argument I deal with a lot in my Year 3 class.

You’re adults. Talk, compromise, go home but there’s no need for sulking, judging or throwing things.

They’re some of the best holidays I’ve ever had! Much too long in the tooth now…but they really were great times!

She sounds as if she needs validation from men, and to feel like the most attractive one. I'd tolerate that in a friend, but wouldn't go on holiday with her again.

You and your friend have a different idea of a girls night out. You see it as spending a night out in a friends company, she sees it as an opportunity to get chatted up. It never works when two friends are not on the same page with this, which really could have just been lesson learned. So it's a shame it had to escalate to the point your friendship is over. Personally I'd have just made a mental note to not go 'out out' with her again but not got embroiled in a row. And I'd definitely not have left early as it would be very hard to come back from that if on reflection you decided there were things about her you still valued. However, it's done now.

Tart?

WTF?

Oh God, we’ve all had so called friends like her, wants to flirt with every man in sight, pathetically flattered by the attention of complete losers and expects you to cop off with their even dodgier friends because, safety in numbers. You dodged a bullet by coming home OP, there are much better friends out there.

Suppose i should say womens holiday because i only went when i was older mid 20s. I think if it was teens/early 20s it would have been funner

Thank you @DoloresDelEriba xx All the best to you too

I agree your friend sounds insufferable and needy, but I disagree with holidays with friends being tough. If they're tough, they're not tbe right friends.

She isn’t a friend.

Thank you - I agree! I have other much nicer friends

Yep, I am starting to feel this now.

I have learnt sooo much from this experience. You live & you learn. I do need to work on my assertiveness and learn to say no!

She wasn’t a friend with how she reacted. I don’t think I’m boring at all - if I was that boring, I wouldn’t have friends asking to go away with me!

100000000% certain you were the problem

@RichTea90 She sounds frightful...Insecure enough to be openly flirting while newly married...just so naff and cringe.

She sounds hard work...You have scraped the shit off your shoe now and freed yourself..well done!

@RichTea90 Your friend is here😂⬆️