To ask if you would date a guy who...

[NCMD]

• Has visited a brothel in the past and paid for services?
• Does recreational drugs with friends every few months (weed, MDMA, mushrooms, coke)
• Has a cross dressing fetish?

Interested to hear others thoughts on the above points to help me move on from being dumped by this guy.

YABU - Yes. I'd date him.
YANBU - No. You've dodged a bullet.

No I wouldn't. However, having said that, I did date someone was addicted to smoking heroin and who was an alcoholic. I didn't know until we got together, he was very good company, we didn't live together or share finances and I didn't subsidise his lifestyle in any way. That was a long time ago before I met my DH.

He sounds like an utter cretin. YANBU!!!

Never mind OP least your knicker drawer is safe now

I don’t even need to get to the second bullet point
No !

Really struggling today. I know I should feel relieved I'm out of it but feeling very low. Seen he is already following new girls online and feeling pretty worthless that even a guy like him didn't want me.

A guy like him not wanting you says nothing about your value as a person. He doesn't want anyone in the worthwhile sense of the word. He is focused on his own gratification, pushing boundaries in all directions for kicks. It wouldn't matter who he was with, he'd still be trotting off after the next thrill. He isn't partner material OP.

Thank you. I'm embarrassed at how low this has me feeling but reading your reply helped.

Taking drugs - 🤮🤮
Using brothel "services" - 🤮🤮
Cross dressing - 🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮

All three would be completely unacceptable to me in a prospective partner. The cross dressing would be particularly unappealing.

The thought that the creepy sod might be getting his rocks off in my grundies (or any grundies intended for women) would be very off-putting... 🤢🤢🤮

It's not you. It's definitely him. He wants a seedy girlfriend who will turn a blind eye to (or even participate in) his sordid habits.

He obviously realises you are too good for him.

There's nothing to be embarrassed about. It's human nature to want to be wanted, and to look for reasons in ourselves when we're not. But sometimes these things really aren't about us at all, because some people will always want something we (and others) are unable to give. A person who uses a lot of drugs for example often does so because the normal things life offers aren't enough, they are searching for that extra all the time.

Thank you. I think I'm struggling as he put most the blame on me when ending it and I feel like he wasn't honest about the real reasons. Days before dumping me he was telling me how he can see us having such a good future together. My brain can't understand how you go from that to 'my minds set, I don't want a relationship with you' in less than 48 hours.

A hard, hard no, OP, you can do better.

This man's a perverted rapist. His opinion isn't worth shit. Be bloody glad he's gone, he'd have made your life a misery.

Hard no for each.

Of course he's blamed you! That's a standard script. Let's face it he's a man in a nightie doing coke and paying for sex he's hardly worth missing. He's a walking disaster.

What do you mean by standard script?

Men with the character that your ex had all trot out the same shite.

What your brain should be trying to understand is why on earth you'd want a future with a drug addled, cross dressing loser who pays women for sex. And more baffling still, why you're moping around after him instead of thanking your lucky stars that you managed to escape him!

I'll fight you for him 😂😂

I know. I don't really understand why my head is at where it's at. I'm sure years down the line I'll think back to this moment and be thankful it went no further.

Brothel: absolutely not
Drugs: absolutely not
Cross-dressing fetish: would depend on circumstances

He sounds like an absolute twat

Using prostituted women, in other words being a rapist, means he doesn't give a damn about consent, and probably gets off on its absence. He'd turn that on you sooner or later.

And the crossdressing fetish would likely have a whole world of grief waiting for you.

Both scream MISOGYNIST in huge neon letters.

The drugs are the least of it, and they're unacceptable in my book.

He's foul. You dodged a bullet.

Brothel no

The others - maybe. It would depend.

Every time we spoke about that he kept correcting me from saying prostitute and referred to them as sex workers. I asked if he had any idea of all the trafficking that goes on with brothels and he said it was a legit in the country he visited...

I know I should have walked away then. Part of my hurting now might be because I didn't.

More male bullshit! "Sex workers" is a horrible euphemism and it doesn't matter what the laws are, it's paying to rape. I'm glad you stood up to him on that point.

Remember each and every one of these horrible things about him. Nothing could outweigh them.