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AIBU?

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Original poster

I want to cut off my sister

107 replies

jellywelly467 · 10/05/2024 11:20

We’re 1 year apart and have completely different lives. Shes career focused, I’m a mum of 3 and a sahm (which I’m happy with, I’ve always wanted children this isn’t a jealousy thing). I feel very sad about how she treats my children, she isn’t at all interested in them and makes zero effort to see them. She met my brand new baby last week after he’d been in special care and she was so disinterested. Didn’t ask how I felt, didn’t ask how he was doing, only asked to hold him after I’d said to my mum ‘see she’s more interested in strangers dogs than her own nephew’ so assuming my mum made a comment to her (we met at a park for context, she walked metres ahead majority of the time and stopped random people to stroke their dogs and ignored the kids most of the time). I get not everyone likes kids, that’s fine, but fuck me it’s an hour or two just fake it? I’m not interested in career chat but I still asked about her work and her recent interview etc because I have basic manners

I just feel like blocking her on everything. If we weren’t related by blood I would not even know her or have contact at all so why fake it because we’re sisters

OP posts:
MidnightPatrol · 10/05/2024 11:26

This sounds a bit dramatic TBH OP.

People generally don’t care about others kids.

Between mind and DH’s many siblings… I can’t remember any of them asking after my child. None have expressed an interest in visiting to see them.

People generally don’t care about others kids - particularly if they don’t have any themselves. I know that feels strange when they are so important to you.

If you don’t have much in common, I’m sure if you don’t arrange to see each other it just won’t happen.

And then you avoid the drama of ‘blocking her’ and upsetting your mum etc.

Valid8me · 10/05/2024 11:27

Just go low contact, no need to block or cut off completely.

You are obviously very different people, you don't have to get on just because you are sisters. I mean, I don't really like other people's kids either and wouldn't really be interested beyond greeting them initially and as for holding a baby - no thanks!

jumpingjacksss · 10/05/2024 11:34

I would be wary about going no contact but I do see where you're coming from and yes she could have faked it especially after a difficult birth etc. Maybe just keep her at arms length

ThreePointOneFourOneFiveNine · 10/05/2024 11:34

She's not obliged to pay attention to your kids. Not everyone is comfortable around kids. I understand being disappointed, but cutting her off is a bit extreme. You can't force her to be interested in your kids. Why not try meeting up just you and her without your kids. Go and do a spa day together or something like that. Maybe she feels like your children dominate everything. I was a very attentive auntie before I had my own children (and still am), but some people just really aren't comfortable around kids at all.

Hoppinggreen · 10/05/2024 11:39

A lot of people prefer dogs to children.
I have to pretend to be interested in other peoples kids, including most family ones so I suppose at least shes being honest.
Your kids are amazing TO YOU
No reason at all to go NC unless shes actively nasty to them

5128gap · 10/05/2024 11:40

I understand you're hurt, but there's no need to escalate it into a big dramatic 'cut off' that will cause even more upset, surely? If you've nothing in common and don't enjoy her company, can't you just let things alone, see her when necessary at family gatherings, and focus your attention on the other people in your life? I get you want to make a gesture to show her how angry and upset you are, but believe me, the ongoing hassle from her reacting and your poor mum in the middle really isn't worth it. Enjoy your baby. Lifes too short for this stuff.

Allfur · 10/05/2024 11:40

I never expected anyone to be interested in my kids

Peppermint81 · 10/05/2024 11:42

Maybe she doesn't know how to act around children, not comfortable.
I didn't understand children or want much to do with them until I had my own, now feel very different.
Don't think she has done anything worth blocking her, she is just not giving you and kids attention you want. Give her some time xx

MyBreezyPombear · 10/05/2024 11:43

I get why you feel upset but cutting her off is really dramatic.

You two are different people, maybe she just doesn't know how to act around children or have any interest in it, which is fine.

MotherofChaosandDestruction · 10/05/2024 11:43

Before I had my own kids I probably would have been the same. They just aren't interesting. I feel terrible now I've had mine that I didn't think to ask how mum was etc. unless you've had kids I don't think you really think about it all.

wombleberry · 10/05/2024 11:47

I am not particularly into other peoples' kids but would still make an effort to ask after them and pay attention to them when I see them (within reason) because isn't that just normal etiquette and behaviour? Particularly if a baby had been in special care. I wouldn't know what to ask beyond "how are they doing now" and "how are you feeling" and "hope you both recover quickly" but I'd ask!

Her behaviour sounds pretty poor, but is there a reason for it beyond her simply being someone you don't want to bother with? Do you know if she wants or did want kids but couldn't have them for some reason, and is struggling seeing you with kids because she wants her own? Does she think you only ever want to talk about your kids? (This sounds so mean, but I don't intend it to be, it's just that some parents are only interested in talking about their kids and when you cannot have actual interesting conversation with someone outside of that it gets pretty tiring and friendship tends to erode.) There's two sides to every story, and maybe hers is that she just isn't interested, but maybe there's more to it.

EmilyTjP · 10/05/2024 11:48

I don’t have much interest in other peoples kids (although saying that I do have a lot of interest in my own nephews and and nieces) and I get bored if my friends go on and on but I’m polite and do fake an interest.
So I do think she could make more effort.
I don’t think you should go NC though.

roastedrapidly · 10/05/2024 11:50

Yes , it's true lots of people aren't interested in kids and more dog friendly - but she's your sister, they are her flesh and blood and her love for you should ensure she shows interest and joy in your children who are precious to you.

You are not unreasonable to be very hurt and angry.

If I were you I would just quietly take note of her behaviour and lack of interest - I wouldn't involve your parents by complaining etc. I'd just quietly fade her out of my life. Keep enjoying your lovely little family and give her exactly the same interest and energy that she gives you.

It is her that is losing out OP, but try to move on happily without creating a fuss, you won't change her or make her feel regret by your actions.

Greyheronsarethebest · 10/05/2024 11:52

just chill OP. No need to create drama here. Everyone is different. Sounds like you don't have much to do with each other anyways. But cutting her off for the reasons you explain makes you sound nuts, not her!

Soonenough · 10/05/2024 11:53

Don't go NC . She might not be interested now but when they are older she may start to . Plus it would upset your mother. Expect nothing and you won't be disappointed then. You are two different personalities and you will have to accept that. She hasn't done anything wrong to you .

Shesaidseaside · 10/05/2024 11:53

jellywelly467 · 10/05/2024 11:20

We’re 1 year apart and have completely different lives. Shes career focused, I’m a mum of 3 and a sahm (which I’m happy with, I’ve always wanted children this isn’t a jealousy thing). I feel very sad about how she treats my children, she isn’t at all interested in them and makes zero effort to see them. She met my brand new baby last week after he’d been in special care and she was so disinterested. Didn’t ask how I felt, didn’t ask how he was doing, only asked to hold him after I’d said to my mum ‘see she’s more interested in strangers dogs than her own nephew’ so assuming my mum made a comment to her (we met at a park for context, she walked metres ahead majority of the time and stopped random people to stroke their dogs and ignored the kids most of the time). I get not everyone likes kids, that’s fine, but fuck me it’s an hour or two just fake it? I’m not interested in career chat but I still asked about her work and her recent interview etc because I have basic manners

I just feel like blocking her on everything. If we weren’t related by blood I would not even know her or have contact at all so why fake it because we’re sisters

Just go no contact lite. Then there’s no drama.

EdgarsTale · 10/05/2024 11:55

You sound really immature. Why would you completely cut off your sister because she doesn’t show the level of interest in your kids you think she should? A lot of us have no interest in others DC. As long as you’re both happy with your life choices, there’s no need to fall out over it all.

Moveoverdarlin · 10/05/2024 11:57

Before I had children I was a bit naive - I just had no interest in babies. It wouldn’t occur to ask a friend about breastfeeding, sleep routines, I just had no idea. It would be like me meeting up with a friend who had horses, I just wouldn’t know what to ask, it’s not my world.

I think you are being overly harsh. Why block her? Because she doesn’t behave the way YOU want? I can’t imagine walking in the park was her idea of a fun time, but she still did it.

I’m a firm believer in getting things off your chest, of course moan to your mum and DH about her, moan that she has no interest in the kids, but don’t cut her off.

MatildaTheCat · 10/05/2024 11:57

Very kindly you sound quite hormonal 😊. Yes she sounds rude and not clued up on manners but cutting her off for being different to you? Imagine what that would be like for your own mum.

Just avoid socials and keep very low expectations. Maybe she’s got some issues of her own.

Stainglasses · 10/05/2024 11:58

I think you would be unkind and passive aggressive to cut her off. Try not to mind if she isn’t interested in your children. But be the bigger person here!

jeaux90 · 10/05/2024 11:58

JFC the drama. You are different people and that's ok.

theemmadilemma · 10/05/2024 11:59

She sounds like me. I don't particularly enjoy children, hence none of my own. I'll fuss over peoples dogs, and the kids get a hello.

Doesn't mean she doesn't love you, or them to a point.

Bit weird to want her to fake gush over them. She spending time with you.

SpringerFall · 10/05/2024 12:00

I know this is unpopular to say on here but but I can't think of another was to say you really are sounding dramatic

No everyone's world is all about children except the parents, and I am wondering are you spending all your time talking about children? Yes some parents do it

Original poster
jellywelly467 · 10/05/2024 12:04

ThreePointOneFourOneFiveNine · 10/05/2024 11:34

She's not obliged to pay attention to your kids. Not everyone is comfortable around kids. I understand being disappointed, but cutting her off is a bit extreme. You can't force her to be interested in your kids. Why not try meeting up just you and her without your kids. Go and do a spa day together or something like that. Maybe she feels like your children dominate everything. I was a very attentive auntie before I had my own children (and still am), but some people just really aren't comfortable around kids at all.

No but if you have a nephew who’s just been in special care is it so much to say is he going okay now? She wasn’t even interested enough to ask how I am - I had a csection at 37w because of multiple issues and have been back and forth for infection, severe back pain, etc. is it so hard to ask how I feel? I asked how she is. I asked how her dh is, etc.

we have met without the kids a couple of times but both times she asked me to not mention my children which I find quite rude and hurtful.

OP posts:
Original poster
jellywelly467 · 10/05/2024 12:07

wombleberry · 10/05/2024 11:47

I am not particularly into other peoples' kids but would still make an effort to ask after them and pay attention to them when I see them (within reason) because isn't that just normal etiquette and behaviour? Particularly if a baby had been in special care. I wouldn't know what to ask beyond "how are they doing now" and "how are you feeling" and "hope you both recover quickly" but I'd ask!

Her behaviour sounds pretty poor, but is there a reason for it beyond her simply being someone you don't want to bother with? Do you know if she wants or did want kids but couldn't have them for some reason, and is struggling seeing you with kids because she wants her own? Does she think you only ever want to talk about your kids? (This sounds so mean, but I don't intend it to be, it's just that some parents are only interested in talking about their kids and when you cannot have actual interesting conversation with someone outside of that it gets pretty tiring and friendship tends to erode.) There's two sides to every story, and maybe hers is that she just isn't interested, but maybe there's more to it.

No she actively talks about not wanting children. In fact my daughter did something when we met up (can’t remember what it was? Must’ve been something minuscule) and she told my daughter she’d ‘add that to the list of why not to have children’. Which, again, rude and unkind

OP posts: