I want to cut off my sister

[jellywelly467]

We’re 1 year apart and have completely different lives. Shes career focused, I’m a mum of 3 and a sahm (which I’m happy with, I’ve always wanted children this isn’t a jealousy thing). I feel very sad about how she treats my children, she isn’t at all interested in them and makes zero effort to see them. She met my brand new baby last week after he’d been in special care and she was so disinterested. Didn’t ask how I felt, didn’t ask how he was doing, only asked to hold him after I’d said to my mum ‘see she’s more interested in strangers dogs than her own nephew’ so assuming my mum made a comment to her (we met at a park for context, she walked metres ahead majority of the time and stopped random people to stroke their dogs and ignored the kids most of the time). I get not everyone likes kids, that’s fine, but fuck me it’s an hour or two just fake it? I’m not interested in career chat but I still asked about her work and her recent interview etc because I have basic manners

I just feel like blocking her on everything. If we weren’t related by blood I would not even know her or have contact at all so why fake it because we’re sisters

It’s not immature. It’s basic manners.

we have met without the kids a couple of times but both times she asked me to not mention my children which I find quite rude and hurtful

Is she perhaps having fertility issues? Do you have other things to talk about?

Me and my sis both have kids, but when we meet up without them, we both are delighted to not talk about the kids, that’s why we meet up both with and without them

Ok fair do's she sounds a bit a of bitch.

I'd not be that rude to someone I actually liked.

I don’t want her to fake gush, I want her to say ‘how are you feeling? Is baby x better after being in and out of special care for weeks?’ Really easy things to ask that show you care. Even if it’s fake. If you can’t even take care what’s the point in having contact

No definitely not fertility issues she actively has a list of reasons she doesn’t want children

I do talk about other things, she made this comment before I’d even sat down

😂

well exactly. I feel like she doesn’t actually care one bit it’s not even really the lack of interest. I totally get not liking peoples kids, that’s fine, but I just don’t think she has any manners whatsoever. I’m just over pretending to have a sister, I’m closer to my cousin at this point

She sounds rude. But then sisters often are quite annoying, aren’t they?

Over a lifetime, surely it’s possible to forgive or resolve worse family conflicts than this.

I wasn't interested in kids before I had them. Some people don't get it at all. And maybe she doesnt have good social skills. Also she doesn't have kids and you don't know why.

I'd still see her for limited times and accept that.

I wouldn't fall out over it. Unless she was horrid to the kids, then I'd be having a word, that's different.

I think you sound just as uninterested in her as she is in you.
Sounds like neither of you would mind if you were out of touch.
So why not discreetly decrease contact and you may find everyone is happier?
I think there is a stage of motherhood when you can't believe that others can't see how glorious your wee babby is. I remember that - it's a bit like being in a cult; nature builds us that way I think.
I now see how little most people care, and that's fine with me.

Sounds like they are just a bit awkward about kids and dont get it / how hard it is for you.
You cant expect your sister to have a personality transplant unfortunately, some people just can't see past the end of their own nose with being rude and are mentally focused with their own problems. Of course your sister should comfort you and ask how your new baby is but I would mentally lower your expectations from her and focus on relationships that are supportive. Cutting off is extreme - think future xmas dinners / family birthdays

My son was 18 months old until sister 2 came to visit. She only did becau my mother made a comment. Neither of my sisters have children, are not the least child orientated and have never held them, looked after them on any level. However, they sent Christmas gifts and enquire after them. Personally am not that into other people's children either. It's no big deal - its just how they are. I don't think your situation is worth cutting her off - she may be excellent fun auntie when your child is a tween or teen.

Weird how you've perked up when people called your sister a bitch. She hasn't been bitchy, just uninterested.

Blocking her is extreme, just don't message her or arrange to see her.

God - you just dont like her, thats all, cut her then! Why are you looking for validation from us? She doesn't have to ask over your kids, she has zero interest in them - some people are just not that way inclined. Is it a reason to cut her? I think its harsh but who cares what i think?! If the not asking after your kids is a dealbreaker - then fine. Cut her off.

She sounds like a bit of a knob to me.
It's not 'other people's kids', it's her bloody nieces and nephews being discussed!
To be honest, she sounds performatively anti child....look at me, I'm so special, I couldn't possibly lower myself to take an interest in a child.
Everyone was a child once, regardless of whether people have children or not I'm sure they can imagine how hurtful it would be as a child to be completely ignored for no reason other than not being 18.
I wouldn't cut her off, I would tell her she is being a complete dick and then hopefully she will flounce off herself to do something far more important than take an interest in her family 🤷‍♀️

I think it would be extreme to go no contact over this. Some people really aren't that interested in other people's babies. I remember when my own nieces and nephews were born I pretty much felt nothing for the babies. Don't get me wrong. I was excited and happy for my brothers but I felt nothing for the babies. As the children grew older and became little people, then I bonded with them and I hope I'm a nice aunt to them. They're lovely kids. I really don't think I could have faked interest in a newborn baby for two whole hours!
Having said that, as your son had been in special care then yes, she should have been interested in his health and asked how you're doing. It must have been very traumatic for you.

Lots of women do profess a dislike of children & maintain a list of reasons not to have them when they're experiencing fertility issues. It's a self-protection thing & not uncommon.

Honestly, from what you've said it sounds like she struggled being around your family emotionally.

OP, you have a young baby and must have crazy hormones but it's ok if she's not besotted with your kids. You're just different people. No need to cut her out because your lives are different

I also feel that whilst I would note this behaviour, I would not obsess over it. I would not over invest in the relationship, as an adult, I would accept it and not throw a tantrum or look for validation, as none is needed, really. Just accept that people are different , do not have to be interested in your offspring. I know plenty of people who admit freely they prefer animals over humans (actually, look at the state of the world thanks to humans, we do not have a great track record, really. But that's besides the point). Just do not do more than she does towards you, so there's equal exchange of energy.

This is really annoying.

Not everyone who does not have kids/says they dislike kids have fertility problems or issues with jealousy. Quite the opposite.

Some people genuinely do not want children, and it's insulting and shortsighted when people always suggest it's an infertility/jealousy thing.

What will her sister be losing out on?

she walked metres ahead majority of the time

Yes this is rude regardless of any new baby situation.

But other people's babies aren't interesting. I don't expect my sisters to be that interested in my children.

A lot of people saying that people who don't have kids are not interested in kids, or nobody is interested in other people's kids, etc. This is a bit of a massive generalisation. I don't have kids, but enjoy spending time with them and I'm interested in children.
To be honest I think your sister is being rude (especially if you are asking about her job etc) and rather unkind. At the very least, she could pretend to take an interest in them from time to time, and then she might surprise herself by actually getting to like them.

As someone who has now been NC with a sibling due to us both having our own issues (and faults), the fall out can be immense across the wider family. It doesn’t sound like you’ve much of a relationship. But with hindsight (if everything had not blown up repeatedly) I’d just go LC. Don’t bother calling, don’t arrange meet ups, just say hi and ‘pass the salt’ etc when with family. Don’t bother asking questions if she doesn’t ask you any, or take any interest in her life. Write off the relationship yourself mentally, but without making a drama. It’s much easier.

She’s just not that into you.

I agree with you OP, there is a basic level of interest and concern that is to be expected with friends and family and even rarely seen acquaintances.

I have a sibling who has hobbies and interests I have no interest at all in. I still make a point of asking about things in their life and what they have coming up.

Your sister sounds rude and almost like she is trying to make some point by refusing to acknowledge you even have children. Of course it's hurtful, she isn't showing you and your family the basic amount of respect or care.

I wouldn't fall out with her over this, but neither would I seek out her company.