Page 5 | I want to cut off my sister

jellywelly467 · 2024-05-10T10:20:22+00:00

We’re 1 year apart and have completely different lives. Shes career focused, I’m a mum of 3 and a sahm (which I’m happy with, I’ve always wanted children this isn’t a jealousy thing). I feel very sad about how she treats my children, she isn’t at all interested in them and makes zero effort to see them. She met my brand new baby last week after he’d been in special care and she was so disinterested. Didn’t ask how I felt, didn’t ask how he was doing, only asked to hold him after I’d said to my mum ‘see she’s more interested in strangers dogs than her own nephew’ so assuming my mum made a comment to her (we met at a park for context, she walked metres ahead majority of the time and stopped random people to stroke their dogs and ignored the kids most of the time). I get not everyone likes kids, that’s fine, but fuck me it’s an hour or two just fake it? I’m not interested in career chat but I still asked about her work and her recent interview etc because I have basic manners I just feel like blocking her on everything. If we weren’t related by blood I would not even know her or have contact at all so why fake it because we’re sisters

saltinesandcoffeecups · 10/05/2024 20:39

StockpotSoup · 10/05/2024 17:47

I understand why you’re upset with her, and why you don’t really get on in general.

Be honest, though - why do you want to “cut her off” rather than just not bothering to make the effort? Why does it need to be this big line in the sand? Are you trying to punish her? Or is it because you’re secretly hoping that being cut off will make her see the light somehow; that she’ll realise she’s been terribly cruel by not making more of a fuss of you and your children and will beg for your forgiveness?

If it is for one of these reasons, I think you need to mentally prepare yourself for the fact that she might just not give a damn. I don’t say this to be cruel, but given her attitude so far, it’s a distinct possibility. You might be hoping that your decision will be a “Ha! That showed HER!” moment, but there’s no guarantee that will happen. How will you feel if you make the big gesture and her reaction is more of a shrug than shock and dismay? I think you could end up feeling worse than you did to begin with.

You have people in your life who love you and your children. Concentrate on them and enjoy those relationships rather than dwelling on why your sister isn’t as interested or engaged as you’d like.

I think this is spot on and was similar to what I was going to say.

I (like others)don’t understand your wanting to ‘formally’ cut her off. Surely you just think ‘huh… she was being rude I think I’ll just avoid her for a bit.

I mean what does cutting her off mean to you? Will you give her notice or something or just sort of stop seeing her?

gertrudeteacake · 11/05/2024 09:50

As I see it:

You and your sister don't get on.

Your sister doesn't show any interest in your life. Ergo you feel rejected.

You are hurt. Understandable.

But.... instead of quietly processing this and grieving for what might have been (and then moving on) you want to create drama by blocking her.

It'll give you five minutes of satisfaction OP and then you'll feel worse as she either doesn't notice or doesn't care.

Forget the fact she's your sister. There will be other people in your life who aren't obligated to love you but still will. They're your bonus. Focus on them.

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 12/05/2024 12:02

StockpotSoup · 10/05/2024 17:47

I understand why you’re upset with her, and why you don’t really get on in general.

Be honest, though - why do you want to “cut her off” rather than just not bothering to make the effort? Why does it need to be this big line in the sand? Are you trying to punish her? Or is it because you’re secretly hoping that being cut off will make her see the light somehow; that she’ll realise she’s been terribly cruel by not making more of a fuss of you and your children and will beg for your forgiveness?

If it is for one of these reasons, I think you need to mentally prepare yourself for the fact that she might just not give a damn. I don’t say this to be cruel, but given her attitude so far, it’s a distinct possibility. You might be hoping that your decision will be a “Ha! That showed HER!” moment, but there’s no guarantee that will happen. How will you feel if you make the big gesture and her reaction is more of a shrug than shock and dismay? I think you could end up feeling worse than you did to begin with.

You have people in your life who love you and your children. Concentrate on them and enjoy those relationships rather than dwelling on why your sister isn’t as interested or engaged as you’d like.

good advice from @StockpotSoup .

You've vented on here which must have helped a bit, but your life is now too busy to waste this time on someone who is just not motivated to get involved. Its hurtful, but this is entirely her problem. Leave her to it. I think in the long run it will have more effect and less impact on your feelings, which are raw atm, if you just quietly drop it and focus on your own concerns much more.

Have you planned some nice outings for yourself and your little family? Maybe some treats? Some new clothes for the summer which will see you through post preg changes? Even just a trip out with baby and others to a really nice park will lift the spirits now the weather's improving and help you focus more on the good things. Another trick I used when feeling upset about things like this was to slap on a podcast or comedy show whilst walking. It was always an uplifting distraction. Wishing you all the best.

64zooooooolane · 12/05/2024 12:12

MidnightPatrol · 10/05/2024 11:26

This sounds a bit dramatic TBH OP.

People generally don’t care about others kids.

Between mind and DH’s many siblings… I can’t remember any of them asking after my child. None have expressed an interest in visiting to see them.

People generally don’t care about others kids - particularly if they don’t have any themselves. I know that feels strange when they are so important to you.

If you don’t have much in common, I’m sure if you don’t arrange to see each other it just won’t happen.

And then you avoid the drama of ‘blocking her’ and upsetting your mum etc.

Erm I'm going to have to correct you, ppl do 'genrally' care about their siblings children. I think you got it the other way round that 'generally' most don't. I completely accept that some ppl aren't that fussed, of course but to act like what op is excepting is so entitled is really silly of you. I'd go back and edit your post before more ppl see how silly you've been.

MidnightPatrol · 12/05/2024 12:28

64zooooooolane · 12/05/2024 12:12

Erm I'm going to have to correct you, ppl do 'genrally' care about their siblings children. I think you got it the other way round that 'generally' most don't. I completely accept that some ppl aren't that fussed, of course but to act like what op is excepting is so entitled is really silly of you. I'd go back and edit your post before more ppl see how silly you've been.

Show quote history

What an incredibly strange post. No I won’t edit my post because you say so (!?).

Nearly every post on the thread agrees that most people aren’t interested in the children of others, particularly if childless themselves. This is not unusual.

Createausername1970 · 12/05/2024 12:45

I wouldn't go to the bother of blocking her. Just don't go out of your way to contact her and don't expect anything going forward.

No doubt your paths will cross at family events, so be nice and say hello, but don't make an issue out of it.

She might reflect on things, in time, and make more of an effort, but if you have blocked her it creates awkwardness.

64zooooooolane · 12/05/2024 13:27

Op i hear you. Yes your sister should do better. No we don't expect her to swing from the roof tops screaming "I love my sisters kids" but how about hi kids, how's school or alittle cuddle here and there, the odd card or gift on a bday. Don't bother blocking her , i don't think you need to do that unless she was being harmful to the kids. I would tell speak to her, and that it would be nice if she made a small effort with the kids and there after what ever she does just give back what ever little or alot she gives you.