Seeing GDG on her birthday

[billygoatstuff]

My DGD turned 2 last week. I had been excited about seeing her on her birthday, birthdays are very important to me and always have been. My DS and DIL both work full time normally, but they took the day off and took her out of nursery so they could have a family day out.

I mentioned to my DS and my DIL a few times that I wanted to see DGD on her actual birthday in the weeks leading up to it. Then a few days before I asked DS if I could come round in the morning of her birthday, before they went out. Just to pop in and give her presents etc. He told me no, they were leaving at 9am and wouldn't have time to see me before, but I could come in the afternoon instead. I pick up my other GDG from school in the afternoon (for my DD), my DS knows this so he knew I wouldn't be able to come round then. The morning was the only time that worked for all of us.

I feel quite sad that I didn't get to see GDG on her birthday and a bit hurt that my DS and DIL didn't try harder to accommodate this. AIBU?

YABU: they said no to the morning and that's disappointing for you but it just didn't work for them - fair enough.
YANBU: knowing how important it was to you, they should have made more effort to let you see DGD on her birthday.

Agh sorry for the typo in my title I meant DGD

I’m a granny. YABU.

YABU

I get your sadness but they had plans. I think you have to get used to that. Did you get to see her the next day or two? At two or any age really marking the birthday on another day as well is just a bonus.

The morning was the only time that worked for all of us.
Unfortunately it didn't work for all of you.

YABU

The morning was the only time that worked for all of us.

But it didn’t - your son said it didn’t work for them.

Does seem a bit mean of them but the above sounds like you may be a tad overbearing.

' The morning was the only time that worked for all of us. '

No, the morning did not work for them.

It's your grandchild, not your child.

Are you the type of mother/mother in law that expects to see every child and grandchild on Christmas day ?

What did they say in the run up when you mentioned many times that you’d like to come over?

The morning didn't work for them.

Unfortunately you are the unreasonable one here.

YABU. I find it annoying having to accommodate all the grandparents on the kids birthdays

Sorry, I know you just want to see your DGD which is nice, but yabu. They agreed you could come over in the afternoon which would work better for them, but you couldn’t, so you need to arrange another day.
I have a 2yo and we would try going out earlier in the day to accommodate naps, before he gets too tired and cranky on the day out. I wouldn’t want him getting overwhelmed with presents before going on a big day out and would much rather have visitors when we’re back.

Why not bring your other grandchild with you... surely that's their cousin?

YABU - it's wonderful that you love your DGD so much but they had made plans for a family day out to celebrate her birthday and shouldn't have to accommodate anyone else.

Yabvu, they gave you the option of the afternoon. Why couldn't you bring your other GC along?
I would be highly irritated if someone came over just before we had to leave and possibly delay us.
You're coming across as looking for an issue as if they banned you. If birthdays were that important and you clearly knew the date in advance why couldn't you have made yourself more available?

The child is 2. Nothing means anything to a child at that age.

birthdays are very important to me and always have been

This bit stood out to me. Unfortunately you may think them important, but your son and DIL might not think the same way you do. Once your granddaughter starts school you may find it impossible to see her on her birthday, so get used to the idea now that days either side can be just as special.

Indeed. She will remember nothing. You could have gone in afternoon, taking her cousin with you, or the next morning.

YABVU. She’s 2. She has no idea what day it is. Just make a fuss of her next time you see her, and remember it’s not all about you.

I think they did the right thing, two year olds can be difficult to persuade to get dressed / shoes on / into the car etc at the best of times, it would probably have been a lot harder if she had new toys to play with at home

Why didn't you say, when's a good time to pop around with the present and then try and go with what suits you all. I don't think you can always expect to see them on their birthday, from the weekend leading up, to a couple of days after would be usual I would think. Don't make a big deal of this.

can you visit in afternoon and take your other dgd with you?

Perhaps you have form for overstaying after saying you will pop round.

They work hard and wanted the day with their daughter and wanted to get the child ready and out the door early to enjoy their outing.

You would have been in the way and most likely they would have had to have gone out later than planned.

They wanted to set off calmly not have the child all excited by your visit.

YABU.
I think you might need to generally rethink your expectations here.

I forgot to say in my original OP that my other granddaughter is the other side of town, so I couldn't really have taken her round.

I did see her at the weekend because they had a small party for her. Based on the YABU responses, sounds like I should be happy with that.

Yabu. You need to be careful not to push your family away by have expectation on their time as this will make them less likely to want to spend time with you.