Do Italians hate the English or is it the language barrier?

[SoreFeets]

Currently in beautiful Italy. Love it here but we appear to be hated by the staff in most places, especially food/drink settings.

This week alone we’ve had receipts thrown at us, we went to pay for a coffee in a little shop and the woman wouldn’t even look at us, took the money, looked really pissed off and immediately moved on to the next customer without a word (but was happy and smiley with them).

DH hired some bikes and had the keys thrown at him without a word.

Last night in a restaurant the waiters were deliberately tending every table but ours until DH caught the attention of one of them - waiter then took our drinks order but when we tried to order food he threw the menus back onto the table and walked off!! He then said something to another waiter who looked at us and laughed. Nobody came back to take the food order.

Now this exact same thing happened in Rome a few years ago, everyone just seemed to hate us. We would try to book a table in a restaurant and they would say it was full … before letting someone else in 😂

so I looked it up last night and I found no suggestion of Italians having a problem with English …. But what I did find was Italians have no time for people who have not bothered to learn the language.

Is this the problem? I have tried to learn a bit of Italian before coming but nowhere near enough which is obviously my fault. DH doesn’t speak a word of Italian other than Grazie.

We’re coming back next year and I aim to be practically fluent in Italian in that time! AIBU to think/hope we’ll have a totally different experience?

I know what you mean but to be fair English as a second language is far the most useful to a non-native English speaker than an English speaker randomly learning German (but still can’t speak French, Spanish, Mandarin etc). English is really the most practical second language as it’s so globally important.

It really depends on where you go. My husband’s mum is Italian so we have been there a number of times. I don’t speak Italian (though do speak German) and I have had some extremely rude service that magically turned to exceptional service when Italian family arrived. So, you’re not imagining it. We went for our honeymoon and had fabulous service in other areas despite my appalling Italian.

This is not true at all. You either are in Bolzano, which is mostly German speaking, or in an area where most tourists speak German.
While all Italians have studied some English and often another foreign language at school, their actual knowledge of the languages is usually substandard, even for people with university education.

We have skied in Italy the past couple of years, in small resorts mainly visited by Italians and DH always tries to order and greet people in Italian. He's always had positive reactions to his bad Italian although they always end up moving to Enlgish and at least two or three times the person involved has ended up chatting to us and telling him there's no point learning Italian and he shouldn't bother. We had a long chat with a woman in a shop in English about how she was learning French on duolingo because nobody in the world speaks Italian and it's a pointless language 😮

Partly because we don't bother learning other languages.

OP the majority of people find it really charming if you can learn enough to get by. It doesn't have to be grammatically perfect, but almost every country I've been to appreciates it. I highly recommend Michel Thomas' audio course for Italian. My ex is British but grew up in Italy so is fluent. He was astonished at how quickly I picked it up from Michel Thomas while he was at work one day

We had a wonderful time in Sicily where no one spoke English apart from in the towns and cities. We did learn some Italian before we went though, we always do learn some of a language before visiting a country. It doesn't have to be perfect but we find the effort is appreciated.

The only place this had the opposite effect was in Zante where we were staying in basically the Greek Benidorm, and if we spoke any Greek we were looked at like we have twelve heads and then got a response in English.

I do find there is a bit of an assumption towards Brits abroad having no respect for local cultures. Saying that, some countries are very abrupt in their mannerisms and that is just how they are. It's just different to how British people are so don't get offended.

I've always found the Italians to be warm and friendly people. Like PPs I find un touristy areas they'll switch to English but in other places I usually get laughed at in a friendly way before having my absolutely lousy Italian corrected. Most people are happy if you at least TRY to speak their language

Having holidayed in Italy several times (including 8 trips to Lake Garda), I can't say I've ever had this problem. I mean - there may have been some places we've visited where people have been friendlier than others but certainly not to an extent that I could make a generalisation about it .

I do think though that in any country they seem grateful if you have learned to say hello, goodbye, please and thank you in their language. And if they correct your pronunciation then just smile, say thank you and repeat it the way they do.

Could it be that because you had one bad experience that you are unconsciously exhibiting wariness/hostility or that as you are expecting problems you are taking offence where none was intended ?

I had one bad incident ( racism) but I would let that go because we can have one bad incident any where. I also noticed Italian staff in my local Italian deli ( amazing food) were unfriendly to me but would all be smiling to white customers.

A family friend with 2 small kids ( all Indian) did a multi city trip in Italy along with other European countries, they had many incidents in Italy. To be fair to UK which get usually a lot of stereotyping because of it's colonial past and now Brexit, they felt they were treated like normal in UK. After a while, you start stereotyping a place, I am not saying that's right but it is understandable. Of course, you can say something wrong with my family friends because you didn't have bad experience but they are one of those stereotypical humble, polite Indians.

I’ve been to Italy a few times and never come across this.

It's the same in Italy, too. And coffee shops owner will usually be friendly with the people they know but not with the Italian people they don't know, especially in touristic places. The cashier/owner is also always keeping an eye on what is happening in the shop, so they are doing two jobs at once.

We spent a week last summer in Italy around Florence and everyone there was lovely.

I spent a few months on Duolingo learning some basic phrases in Italian and always tried that first (usually mixing it up with what little Spanish I have), before most people would just start speaking to me in English.

I never felt anyone was ever rude to us there, which begs the question why it keeps happening to you?!

As an Indian, who lived in 3 European country including UK, there is some truth in it. I have heard a lot of casual criticism of English, maybe people feel more comfortable saying in front of me as I am Indian. To be honest, I don't like it at all because of all countries, I have had the best experience in the UK.

We were in Florence in October and had lovely service wherever we went. It was very warm and very busy but we found all the Italians we met helpful and charming.

Can highly recommend Coffee Break Italian podcasts for people wanting to learn basic Italian that will get you by in Italy.

I learned basic Italian before my holiday and had absolutely no issues with rudeness, everyone fell over themselved to fill in the blanks of my rudimentary Italian. A waiter in Florence said it was vanishingly rare for tourists (not just brits, germans were also mentioned) to make the effort.

Not bigging myself up though - I didn't learn a word of Czech when I went to Prague.

It’s not just in Italy it’s in France and other countries too. I don’t really speak Italian but make an effort to at least learn the basics including how to order something and also to understand so eg “prego” which is you’re welcome. That’s basic manners.

I've defo met a few mardy French/Italian people. For some reason more the women than the men. But every German person I can remember meeting has been really cheerful. Found the Greeks/Spaniards friendly too.

There is a certain level of disdain towards the English all over continental Europe caused by the appalling behaviour of all the lads and ladettes causing trouble wherever they go.

How many times have your heard about planes having to be diverted because a Dutch or a French person were being unruly ? None.

In Spain they make fun of the bloody idiots that fall off the balconies every summer. They have a saying down there along the lines of it is not officially summer until the first brit has plummeted from a balcony. How many Germans or Swiss do the same? None.

I feel like a lot of other countries don't do the fake smile thing that we do in the UK/US. If they smile it's genuine. Obv a generalisation but one I do believe has some truth.

Tbf, I think this is very individual whether people ard charmed or not.
I have family in France and have visited somany times I can't remember how many, mainly Brittany, central but also Paris and the alps too.
I've found most people are friendly and humour my not particularly good French but occasionally you meet a real stinker. I thought I was holding my own quite well when chatting to madame who we were staying with but she wasn't impressed by my French and demanded to know why it wasn't better and had I not learned French at school 😳

I told her, in French, that it was 30 years since I'd done French at school and she should cut me some slack 😂

It's definitely something to do with the way you look or act.

I've been all over Italy many times and I haven't bothered to learn anything beyond "ciao" and I've never had an experience like yours.

If anything, on the very few occasions we've had an Italian speaker in the friendship/family group, the people we've encountered have been surprised that one of us speaks fluently, but doesn't seem to be happy/interested/show any other emotion beyond that.

Typically people smile when a foreigner speaks a few words of Italian to them because the person speaking is like a puppy and clearly trying so hard to get it right and they're trying to be encouraging. Same is true in pretty much any country.

They are not mortally offended if you don't speak Italian. Just like you wouldn't be offended here if someone didn't speak English, even though it's one of the most widely spoken languages.

If you're getting receipts thrown back at you and people annoyed when you give them money, maybe you aren't tipping enough. But I would guess more it's something about how you look/act as it seems to be more far-ranging than that.

True. The French aren't exactly known for their patience or their love of the English!

I learned French in school - up to AS Level. I got an A at GCSE. Went to France with a friend that very year. Couldn't speak a word! I spent far too much time trying not to get it 'wrong' in the school sense that I just clammed up.

At AS they threw us straight in the deep end - teaching the lessons fully in French and I was so out of my depth I stopped going to class at all after just a few weeks as I had no idea what she was saying. I still somehow managed a C grade, which shows what a joke learning languages at school in the UK is.

I spent a lot of time in Italy and the most frustrating thing for me was trying to learn Italian by speaking it, and then everyone just wanted to practice their English. We had the weird situation of each speaking each other's languages, and correcting as you go along, by the end of the day you are exhausted! I did help though tbf.

Now I do much the same. My speech is very rusty, but my understanding is excellent. Very useful when waiters are gossiping assuming you don't understand, and then are contrite when they realise.

In general, 99.9% of the time, Italians are polite, helpful, and make every effort to make holidays relaxed and enjoyable. The hotel where we go now has visitors from all over the world. The ones that are not universally disliked are the Russians, they've gone now, and the Australians and Americans, who are generally loud and obnoxious, and entitled.

i can’t speak a word of Italian and always been treated well in Italy. Maybe you have had just a lot of bad luck, not sure! Italy is my favourite country, I find them much friendlier than the French when on holiday