Do Italians hate the English or is it the language barrier?

[SoreFeets]

Currently in beautiful Italy. Love it here but we appear to be hated by the staff in most places, especially food/drink settings.

This week alone we’ve had receipts thrown at us, we went to pay for a coffee in a little shop and the woman wouldn’t even look at us, took the money, looked really pissed off and immediately moved on to the next customer without a word (but was happy and smiley with them).

DH hired some bikes and had the keys thrown at him without a word.

Last night in a restaurant the waiters were deliberately tending every table but ours until DH caught the attention of one of them - waiter then took our drinks order but when we tried to order food he threw the menus back onto the table and walked off!! He then said something to another waiter who looked at us and laughed. Nobody came back to take the food order.

Now this exact same thing happened in Rome a few years ago, everyone just seemed to hate us. We would try to book a table in a restaurant and they would say it was full … before letting someone else in 😂

so I looked it up last night and I found no suggestion of Italians having a problem with English …. But what I did find was Italians have no time for people who have not bothered to learn the language.

Is this the problem? I have tried to learn a bit of Italian before coming but nowhere near enough which is obviously my fault. DH doesn’t speak a word of Italian other than Grazie.

We’re coming back next year and I aim to be practically fluent in Italian in that time! AIBU to think/hope we’ll have a totally different experience?

I'm convinced there's not an English person alive over the age of 35 who doesn't know "dos cervezas por favor" for visiting Spain 😂

There is a lot of "throwing" going on in your post which makes me think, you are actually exaggerating and misinterpreting what is happening. I am not saying you are doing it for dramatic effect, it's just once you get an idea that people hate you, you start putting negative emphasis on every gesture.
Having said that, nobody likes Brits nowadays. You may have been polite and wearing nice clothes but there would have been millions of Brits visiting who behave appallingly. The stereotype sticks.
I have property in Spain and there is a massive drive to limit British tourism. Brits don't spend money like other European tourists, apparently.

Went to Rome, Sorrento, Amalfi coast recently
and didn't find this at all.

I've managed to get around Italy many times with just enough of the language to greet people and convey what I'd like.

We stayed at a family-friendly hotel in Crete, with dd, Sil and baby Gdd, shortly before the Brexit vote. The hotel owner was seriously worried that a ‘leave’ vote would mean Brits - a lot of his guests were from the U.K. - wouldn’t come any more.

He said he found us generally so polite and ‘easy’!

We did hasten to reassure him!

TBH though, it wasn’t the sort of hotel where you get a lot of heavily tattooed blokes in singlets, bent on getting pissed for much of the day. (If that makes me a snob, so be it.)

Unlike a pp, we’ve always found the Greeks very pleasant and friendly - we have visited many times. We do both speak a little Greek, dh rather more than I do, but I doubt that it’s made any difference - they’re nearly always amazed that we speak any at all.

I’ve been to Italy a few times and not found this. Historically in France I did, but ages ago…I got impression with rise of international tourists particularly Chinese, English is the common language and everyone accepts that. I can’t help wondering if you guys are being rude/weird in some way. Sitting before invited to for example? Beckoning waiters when they’ll get to you in their own time.

I am white … not overweight but “slim” would be a stretch … more frumpy looking size 12-14

I can’t imagine being white or slim makes much difference. I am neither and generally have great experiences in Italy (and have been there at least a dozen times in the last decade, have lost count).

Was going to say exactly that, you are looking for it so will see it.

Never been to Italy but if I did go there and found people that rude, I certainly wouldn't be returning. Why are you contemplating going back and hand wringing about learning the language to appease some pissed off waiters? Go somewhere else where the people are nicer and your custom is welcome?

FWIW most Europeans in tourist areas speak some English as English tends to be the common denominator language that everyone speaks plus is widely taught in schools and is the language of social media. Like it or not.

I would suggest you are eating in tourist traps where they know you wont be returning Italians generally are very friendly and never have an issue with Brits
I think you've just been unlucky

OP, this post stood out for me- that you're autistic and struggle with eye contact. If you're speaking to people in English and not making eye contact or smiling at them, to the locals you probably are coming across as quite rude and arrogant, unfortunately.

Been to Italy many many times and never experienced this. The only thing I can think of is maybe it’s you and you’ve been rude to them.

It's true that there are xenophobes in all countries, but not true that everyone is xenophobic. It tends to be the less intelligent.

Hi OP, I read that you are autistic so I wonder if there is some social niceties which you are missing because you haven’t learned the ‘rules’ of social etiquette in Italy.

I don’t think I’ve been to Italy since Brexit, so unless that made the Italians suddenly hate us, I don’t think it is a lack of Italian spoken which is causing this rudeness, because I didn’t feel it targeted at me at all.

Here is my experience of Italy:

• Having children really sweetens the way you are treated - there is definitely a more child-inclusive culture than here, so I have probably experienced much more friendliness than a couple with no kids would be.
• The customer service is often rude - terrible. You often get the feeling employees resent their jobs and resent customers and can be overly proprietorial and brusk - prioritising their own needs over customers. I have often been aghast at how they’ll rudely usher customers out 5 minutes before closing time, or something like that, not allowing you to buy what’s in your basket, just so they can get off. There’s definitely none of that sense that ‘the customer is always right’. Once I heard the air hostess on the way home saying to a colleague “thank God we can get back to people have some manners!”.
• Restaurant owners really hate customers who see eating pasta as the main meal and clog up the tables taking ages over eating it. The pasta course is not supposed to be instead of the expensive meat and fish mains. It wouldn’t surprise me if Brits are the worst for doing this.
• Greetings in Italy are very warms and elaborate, if you are shown around by an Italian local they always treat staff with an almost flirtatious “Ciao” as though they are best friends. Maybe they take autistic social caution as coldness?
• The other thing that could be possible is this. German travellers are the ones who are most exacting and most likely to complain and to focus on the details, giving bad reviews (I think Americans come in second behind them). They are also likely to do things by the book and learn the language, etc. I get the sense that as a result of German complaints, standards are being slowly raised internationally by German tourists complaining. Service providers know from bitter experience that they should be on their best behaviour with German customers. My family and I were once taken for German tourists once and once the staff realised we were actually English, they immediately relaxed and looked so relieved. Maybe you could be mistaken for German tourists because of your appearance of a kind of methodical approach? I can imagine that poring over the menu in an overly methodical way, or examining the premises to see where you’d be most comfortable and quiet, could look as though you are being snooty and judgemental about their hospitality, on the look out for things to complain about? Just a thought.

I've never experienced that sort of treatment but I notice you say you've had...

Receipts 'thrown' at you.

Key's 'thrown' at you.

Menus 'thrown' at you.

Are you sure this is the case? Do you think it might just be your perception when the staff are just busy?

It's unusual if it keeps happening.

• Having children really sweetens the way you are treated - there is definitely a more child-inclusive culture than here, so I have probably experienced much more friendliness than a couple with no kids would be.

Really!

They don’t hate the English or anyone else.

Having been to Italy a lot and being from an Italian background, I would say they tend not to respect you if you don’t speak Italian (mine isn’t great but it’s something). They don’t accept the “everyone must now speak English” new normal, and quite reasonably (or at least it’s a POV) think people should speak a bit of the language of the country they are in.

They also try to run rings around tourists who don’t speak the language to make a bit money as that’s just the cultural norm.

There is this too

Had lots of lovely experiences in Italy. Very friendly, kind people in Rome, Florence and Venice.

But I do have a friend who got a lot of abuse and accusations of being (sorry I don't know the correct terminology) but like a romany gypsy? She got shouted at and bullied off a bus at one stage. She's olive skinned, dark hair, wears headscarves and big earrings and things and for some reason seemed to attract a lot of negative attention.

Because they are suffering a massive crime wave from the East due to the FoM.
Where ever I’ve been in Europe ( and I live here ) normal people do not care about Brexit. It’s no longer a topic.

We've been to Italy many times and never experienced this. My DH does look quite Italian though, so maybe he blends in, but I, in his words, am very English.

We've always gone with the flow in restaurants etc though. The staff often tell us what they think we should eat, and unless it's something I absolutely couldn't stomach (i.e. an entire fish looking at me from the plate), I usually do as I'm told. Had some of the most amazing meals that way, and things that I'd never order in an Italian restaurant here.

Maybe it's you, because I've never heard a bad word from anyone who goes to Italy about their reception.

The staff often tell us what they think we should eat, and unless it's something I absolutely couldn't stomach (i.e. an entire fish looking at me from the plate), I usually do as I'm told. Had some of the most amazing meals that way

This is so true. Italians will say “this wine is good, these are bad - don’t drink white wine from this region” or “this is the best shop for buffalo mozzarella, this is the best shop for bread”, etc. There is absolute certainty about what is good and what is bad according to matters of taste. I think you would be affronting not just the personal recommendation of someone, but also their discernment generally, their refinement, cultural knowledge- the whole lot, if they recommend something and you choose to do something else. It’s good manners in Italy to accept that people know what they are talking about when they give you a recommendation about food, drinks, luxury goods, places to see, experiences to have, etc.

(I also remembered- I was in Italy last year too doh!).

This is a weird gaslighting comment.

We've never experienced this, but only half of our family are English. What I do find is that tourists get ripped off everywhere. We are going to Rome soon and getting tickets for the Vatican Museums from the official site is proving next to impossible; loads of resale sites though with tickets costing up to £120 per person!