Do Italians hate the English or is it the language barrier?

[SoreFeets]

Currently in beautiful Italy. Love it here but we appear to be hated by the staff in most places, especially food/drink settings.

This week alone we’ve had receipts thrown at us, we went to pay for a coffee in a little shop and the woman wouldn’t even look at us, took the money, looked really pissed off and immediately moved on to the next customer without a word (but was happy and smiley with them).

DH hired some bikes and had the keys thrown at him without a word.

Last night in a restaurant the waiters were deliberately tending every table but ours until DH caught the attention of one of them - waiter then took our drinks order but when we tried to order food he threw the menus back onto the table and walked off!! He then said something to another waiter who looked at us and laughed. Nobody came back to take the food order.

Now this exact same thing happened in Rome a few years ago, everyone just seemed to hate us. We would try to book a table in a restaurant and they would say it was full … before letting someone else in 😂

so I looked it up last night and I found no suggestion of Italians having a problem with English …. But what I did find was Italians have no time for people who have not bothered to learn the language.

Is this the problem? I have tried to learn a bit of Italian before coming but nowhere near enough which is obviously my fault. DH doesn’t speak a word of Italian other than Grazie.

We’re coming back next year and I aim to be practically fluent in Italian in that time! AIBU to think/hope we’ll have a totally different experience?

YABU for the title of your thread. No culture/country/race/ethnicity/gender or any other grouping of humans can be or feel one thing.

Learning the language is important. I was wondering about your appearance. Offensive tattoos? Are you breaking a cultural norm somehow?

It was meant to be lighthearted as we have taken the whole thing in good spirits but if it’s offensive I’ll ask mumsnet to change it.

Im not sure if we’ve broken social etiquette - I’ve read up on the culture but honestly can’t think what else it could be! No offensive tattoos, no loud drunken behaviour, no football shirts or anything like that … we’re just a quiet couple in our 40s

In my experience the Italians do not hate the English, but my husband and I do speak Italian to a passable holiday level. (Can check in to a hotel, ask for a table and order, hire a car and make small talk in an agriturismo in basic Italian, tenses may get muddled and sometimes phrases may have to be repeated with slightly simpler language, but we get there). I think it must be tiring to work in a minimum wage job but be expected to have to do it in a second language, and maybe if they aren't confident I their English it is easier to just put menus on the table rather than engage in a difficult conversation

I’m not sure. It’s polite to know greetings and please/thank you but any of my attempts to learn the language in most places with high levels of tourists are rebuffed so I tend not to bother these days. I think they are so busy they’d rather just speak English themselves and get on with their job. Some are friendly, others aren’t.

We’ve noticed the Italians all seem to speak fluent German but not very good English. The German guests are welcomed with open arms!

Another thing I’ve noticed however is how lovely the Germans are. So friendly, always happy (and most speak excellent English!)

it’s embarrassing to be honest, everytime Germans have tried to speak to us in German we have to say “sorry, we’re English” and they immediately switch to fluent English …. I’m embarrassed that we can’t speak anything other than English so it’s definitely something I’m going to work on

I'm reasonable at languages (was often complimented in France when I was younger - I suspect more because I was a novelty having a fairly decent French vocabulary than anywhere near fluent) and Italy is the only place I've ever been where someone has huffed at me to 'just speak English'. I assumed it was a grumpy man more than all Italians, although I remember it very clearly 15 years later whenever I think of Italy which is unfortunate!

This hasn’t been our experience in any part of Italy, even when we’ve struggled with the language. I was going to ask if there was anything about your appearance such as skimpy clothes etc….but I see a PP has asked that.

Everyone hates the English.

You say the exact same thing happened last time, now this time, but you're going back for more next year?

I speak no Italian apart from the usual please and thank yous and have never had a problem. Maybe you somehow give off bad vibes!

Just say you're Scottish.

DH does wear shorts which I’ve read isn’t the norm in Italy … but we always wear full tops etc

That’s what I said to DH 😂

It's definitely good manners to at least have some basic phrases

Do you rock up to a restaurant and speak only English immediately?

That's not been my experience at all. I find they may look stern but once you make eye contact and smile and say hello they are nice and helpful. Some can be abit short with but they are never rude.

I’ve never experienced this in Italy but rather the opposite 🤷🏼‍♀️
My DDIL is Italian and I have always found the Italians to be friendly and welcoming.

This has not been my experience in Italy having visited several times and also lived there for a year in my 20s. I would attempt Italian and often they'd carry on in English as most seemed to want to show they could speak that or wanted it to be quicker (when my Italian was rubbish!). To generalise, I found service there similar to America - either ridiculously good and very friendly, or abrupt to the point of rudeness! In this country I think we get a lot of 'meh' service.

Yeah we just love the country! And I’m determined to find out what we’re doing wrong and fix it. We’re going to southern Italy next year which will be a first.

What are we doing wrong!? I’m autistic so I do struggle with eye contact and I’ve read Italians like eye contact so that is something I’m working on … any other suggestions would be appreciated.

I used to live in Italy and there was a frustration at tourists sometimes generally, things like buses and being held up because they hadn't stamped their tickets etc.
In the lakes is probably the only time I've been treated with contempt (heard them moaning about me and the buggy, switched to Italian 😃).
Pisa and other touristy places I've occasionally had people pretend not to understand me, if they are tourist information with perfect English.
Mainly people are thrilled and it's a novelty so I get to practice and asked how I speak Italian.
In the lakes someone working in a clothes shop told me they can't get a job without speaking English.
You've probably been unlucky.

And to answer your question more directly, no, I don't think Italians hate the English at all. I think they feel sorry for anyone who is not Italian and perhaps the English more so in recent years! (Yes, I am generalising massively).

Blimey, that does sound bad, with such grumpy bad service.

Because it’s true 😂

I am Italian and live in England, when we go on holidays people are always friendly but I also speak the language and have kids with me. Most people love kids in Italy and are immediately more friendly/chatting about the kids. Maybe try and learn some small talk and greet people nicely when you enter a cafe/restaurant. Don’t just sit down and order waiter over.

I grew up in a very touristy area and most people actually don’t like the German tourists btw. So your observation is interesting.

I've spent a LOT of time in Italy. My mum moved to Italy and married my stepdad (who is Italian) when I was a child. I stayed in the UK with my dad for the most part but spent every school holiday there. Everyone was friendly. Sometimes too friendly if I'm honest. I would feel a bit annoyed sometimes how random people would come and join our chat. I can speak decent Italian and people often want me to speak to hear my accent which is funny.
Maybe it depends where you go though? I did find one or two people in Rome a bit rude.
But the shorts thing? All the men wear shorts in my mum's town. Are they short shorts though?

Interesting- I've been to Italy several times and have not noticed this. I have noticed a large proportion of German tourists there but no special treatment for them. One thing you can do that will make a difference is to expect amazing treatment- once you start assuming you will be treated badly, you will. It's a self fulfilling prophecy and your brain will start looking for perceived slights to confirm this. It's called your reticular activating system (RAS).

If you go assuming that people love you and want the best for you I think you'll be surprised by how it will come true- its a real phenomenon and it subtly changes your body language and your facial expressions during interactions.

I've always found the Italians effusively friendly tbh. I don't really speak Italian, but I know enough to order drinks, guve a greeting etc. I'd never go to a country on holiday without learning at least some useful basics in the language. Currently learning a bit of Danish on Duolingo ahead of our summer holiday fo Denmark. Admittedly I'm a languages teacher though, so I probably find that easier than most!