Do Italians hate the English or is it the language barrier?

[SoreFeets]

Currently in beautiful Italy. Love it here but we appear to be hated by the staff in most places, especially food/drink settings.

This week alone we’ve had receipts thrown at us, we went to pay for a coffee in a little shop and the woman wouldn’t even look at us, took the money, looked really pissed off and immediately moved on to the next customer without a word (but was happy and smiley with them).

DH hired some bikes and had the keys thrown at him without a word.

Last night in a restaurant the waiters were deliberately tending every table but ours until DH caught the attention of one of them - waiter then took our drinks order but when we tried to order food he threw the menus back onto the table and walked off!! He then said something to another waiter who looked at us and laughed. Nobody came back to take the food order.

Now this exact same thing happened in Rome a few years ago, everyone just seemed to hate us. We would try to book a table in a restaurant and they would say it was full … before letting someone else in 😂

so I looked it up last night and I found no suggestion of Italians having a problem with English …. But what I did find was Italians have no time for people who have not bothered to learn the language.

Is this the problem? I have tried to learn a bit of Italian before coming but nowhere near enough which is obviously my fault. DH doesn’t speak a word of Italian other than Grazie.

We’re coming back next year and I aim to be practically fluent in Italian in that time! AIBU to think/hope we’ll have a totally different experience?

If your DH is wearing shorts to restaurants in early May then yes some Italians will consider that too causal / stereotypically touristy. It's judgy, but they do.

Other than this, I have no idea why you have received poor service. I agree with you that you should keep making an effort to speak Italian.

😂Hopefully my obviously non-Japanese appearance will make them understanding of any linguistic mishaps!

We had a mixed experience in Livorno, one pizza takeaway who brought out all the Italian orders before mine (I was pregnant and tearful ) but all the other restaurants were so welcoming to our then-toddler and I got by with google translate and some basics.
I hate not speaking Italian so I need to learn some basics before we go next, too! I used to be good at languages before kids (fluent French, ok German/spanish, basic Russian) and now my memory is shocking for learning new things

We went to Italy last summer and found everyone absolutely lovely despite us speaking very little Italian.
However, we were in a part where English tourists are not very common AND everyone thought we were German (but they were still nice once they found out we weren't)

Why would you keep going back to a country where people are being rude to you? That is bizarre behaviour on your part when there are plenty of beautiful countries with pleasant and welcoming locals.

Japanese isn't really a tonal language in the way that Chinese and others are. Japanese people are also very very polite by default and would never laugh at a "gaijin" having a bash at their language. DH lived there for 9 months, he spoke conversational Japanese but never tried reading or writing.

I was born in the UK, brought up in France and regularly travel to Singapore for work. I don’t think any complete race gates another. That said, the attitude of some might be reflected by their personal experiences. There is still a lot of “they don’t do it the same as home” attitude by visitors from the UK.

Alcohol (and l love a glass or 2 of wine) has often become a problem with Brits abroad and it can be reflected with local attitudes. Embrace the culture, when they are not busy(so not a waiter in a busy restaurant at dinner), maybe ask them questions about their town/language. Then l think you will find a different response.

Had a similar experience once in Italy, op, so its not just you.

Mind you we were a group of 20 somethings so maybe they didn't like students.

Then a member of staff recognised somebody in the group and the place did a 180 - couldn't have been warmer & funnier

I agree, learn the language as much as you can (don't just rely in duolingo, get a phrase book & dictionary!), dress appropriately / make an effort to learn & recognise local customs

And don't order cappuccino after 11am 😁

We've been to Lake Garda lots of times and never had this.

We've had lots of friendly service and banter/laughs with hospitality staff!

Are you making the effort to say hello/good evening/please and thank you in Italian?

I agree with @Justyouwaitandseeagain, my son lives in Italy so we visit regularly and he was saying that the Italians dislike being hurried when serving in restaurants. They particularly dislike tourists who sit down at the table and expect to be served immediately. They are much more laid back and do things at their pace! They don't understand the need to rush everything!

Our shitty education system is what the problem is. Our 🫠. Nearly every other country in Europe teach their children other languages from a young age. It's embarrassing 😳

Are you greeting them? Many countries find it extremely rude if you launch straight into business without exchanging a greeting. I think that's why some Brits find the French rude - from the French perspective they started it.

I spent a month going all over Italy and never encountered this. Everyone I encountered was really friendly, even in places like Naples. I did make an effort with the language though, and the person I was with spoke Italian pretty well, so maybe that's it.

The German thing is regional. In some parts of Italy they learn German at school rather than English (Germany and Austria being just up the road). Or at least that used to be the case. Not surprising really- same reason we first learn French and not something more useful, like Spanish or Mandarin.

Oh do they aye.

Sorry you're having this experience, it sounds like you're doing your best to be polite and respectful. I love Italy too and have visited many times, and I have an Italian partner/in-laws!

I don't speak much Italian but I can get through the initial phrases (good morning/evening, thank you, please, how are you etc). Maybe that helps. Communication is about a lot more than words, though, and non verbal communication does a lot. Being open in your body language, direct in your eye contact, warm and what to Brits feels quite effusive is standard body language in Italy so it's possible there is something going on there too, especially with your autism as you say.

Generally I find in all things in life that a sunny, confident attitude gets you the same back, there is no reason you can't charm people and make them enjoy your presence/company even with a language barrier. But that is easier for me to say/do as a neurotypical person.

I do think it’s a thing in Italy. An Italian friend got her English friend to order coffee and the staff gave a huge price. My friend tackled them and they apologised profusely saying they didn’t realise she was Italian.

In Sicily they are lovely.

I learnt French as we went on holiday there a few times. When we spoke (bad) French and make the children speak other people in shops would join and clap and say well done to the children.

Some places the staff would pretend we couldn’t understand a word we were saying 🤷🏼‍♀️

@LordPercyPercy Do you mean the French launch straight into things? In France, proper greetings are much more important than in the UK. If you enter a shop and don't say bonjour to the person working there immediately, it's considered rude, for example. Whereas in the UK you aren't offending anyone if you only address them once you want to start a conversation or ask them for help.

It’s not that easy.
You can’t learnt the language of every country you visit. I learnt Italian at school and Spanish and French as an adult. I get them all mixed up and can only remember what to say when I practice hard before and during a visit to that country. If you don’t use it, you lose it.

My great grandad was polish and came to live in the UK after the war. Eventually he could remember hardly any polish and it was his native language.

Spent last week in Pisa, Florence and rural Tuscany and literally nothing in your post resonates with my experience. My Italian is extremely limited: buongiorno, ciao, grazie, but I can also say parlo inglese and mi scusi. I smile and point and have found that in the city, most people do speak some English and some speak excellent English. I’ve never had the rude service you describe, OP, though I admit I’ve never been to Rome. I’ve certainly never felt any sense of animosity towards me for being English!

Even the English hate the English.

Seriously, be lovely to learn some Italian.

I hope you didn't leave a tip in these instances. If I got treated like that in restaurants I'd be out the door throwing the menus back at them on the way.

Sometimes it is just a bad experience of one or two people.

We Londoners have a terrible reputation for being rude, which is a little unfair. Just this morning I and a fellow passenger on my train this morning helped out a couple with very limited English who has got on the wrong train and were a bit distressed. Most humans are ok.

Regarding Italy, I have always found it fine and perfectly friendly. Sometimes waiters are a bit rushed and abrupt in the bigger cities but that is the same everywhere. I remember being a bit intimidated by the confusing rules in bakeries and delis in Rome but apart from that!

“But what I did find was Italians have no time for people who have not bothered to learn the language.”

This is your problem. Locals get fed up with tourists. They learning the language and trying to appreciate the local culture and customs.

I grew up in a tourist attraction area, tourists are the worst. We got so fed up with bus fulls swamping the city, cramming the streets, dropping stink bombs, stealing from the shops. You could barely move in the summer for them.