Do Italians hate the English or is it the language barrier?

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Currently in beautiful Italy. Love it here but we appear to be hated by the staff in most places, especially food/drink settings.

This week alone we’ve had receipts thrown at us, we went to pay for a coffee in a little shop and the woman wouldn’t even look at us, took the money, looked really pissed off and immediately moved on to the next customer without a word (but was happy and smiley with them).

DH hired some bikes and had the keys thrown at him without a word.

Last night in a restaurant the waiters were deliberately tending every table but ours until DH caught the attention of one of them - waiter then took our drinks order but when we tried to order food he threw the menus back onto the table and walked off!! He then said something to another waiter who looked at us and laughed. Nobody came back to take the food order.

Now this exact same thing happened in Rome a few years ago, everyone just seemed to hate us. We would try to book a table in a restaurant and they would say it was full … before letting someone else in 😂

so I looked it up last night and I found no suggestion of Italians having a problem with English …. But what I did find was Italians have no time for people who have not bothered to learn the language.

Is this the problem? I have tried to learn a bit of Italian before coming but nowhere near enough which is obviously my fault. DH doesn’t speak a word of Italian other than Grazie.

We’re coming back next year and I aim to be practically fluent in Italian in that time! AIBU to think/hope we’ll have a totally different experience?

I am not English - I am Scottish/British - and worked several sseasons as a student in very busy tourist places in Edinburgh. Tourists of all nationalities and have to say that I found Italians fairly rude too. Not the ones who were travelling independently, or families with children, but the older people who would pile off a tour bus into the castle or Holyrood Palace. One memorable customer screamed FRANCOBOLLI at me for about five minutes expecting me to know she wanted postage stamps.

It’s not that easy.
You can’t learnt the language of every country you visit

Exactly, and people like to enthuse about how Danes are great at languages but actually a lot only know English. I've been to France and Spain with my Danish in laws and I was the only one even speaking a tiny amount of French/Spanish

Imagine the reaction a tourist would get anywhere in the UK trying to order in a foreign language.

I find it incredible that waiters on the continent can often take orders in four or five languages. Given how hard they work and how little they earn I'm not surprised they're a bit abrupt sometimes.

I had the opposite experience, I can't relate to this at all. We found local people to be extremely friendly and helpful and happy to chat. We could not speak Italian other than a few obvious words. We did have our young child with us, wonder if that made us more popular?

@laclochette Oh no the opposite! I was speculating that that's why some Brits complain about the French being "rude". The Brits don't necessarily greet first, so a cultural misunderstanding ensues.

I think there can be small cultural differences that come off as rude in other countries.

In France, it’s shockingly rude not to greet someone properly but it would a bit odd to walk into an English shop and say “Good morning Sir”. And appallingly uncivilised to rock up to a restaurant half an hour before lunchtime when the staff are eating their main meal. Those sorts of faux pas are easily made when you don’t know.

I haven’t spent enough time in Italy to know what the equivalent would be. But it can worth both ways. Openly curious staring and abrupt , disinterested service are feel quite rude but are cultural rather than individual.

Even the English

Interesting. I find Italians very friendly in the main; hospitality is their thing! Something we English could do with much more of.

The main problem I’ve had in Italy is being fat shamed, particularly by male waiters in restaurants. It’s always Italian men who think it’s ok to be abusive to overweight women.

Not my experience. I do speak a little Italian though ,

it’s good manners to say hello (buongiorno etc) when you go in to a cafe and if you want to look around a shop just ask..‘posso guadare’ etc. don’t just rock up and sit down in a restaurant.

How peculiar, have not experienced this as at all! Have experienced the occasional bad service (one memorable time in Palermo when we were seated but then never served…) but Italians generally tend to be friendly. They respond VERY well to visitors speaking Italian, they absolutely love you for it! However, I didn’t experience rude service etc (other than the odd instance here or there which can happen anywhere) even when I didn’t speak Italian. The only notable exception is Venice where I think they are just sick to their back teeth of tourists and lump them all together.

I haven’t been to the lakes though, maybe northern Italians are different and less friendly, it’s a large and diverse country.

Yep. This is because most small shops are privately owned. Essentially you’re walking into the business that belongs to the person behind the till and not saying hello. If you think about it like that, it’s rude by any standards.

As someone who is very widely travelled, I can’t say I’ve ever found that, anywhere. You’re always going to get the odd grumpy member of staff, though.
TBH I often think it’s the English who hate the English, rather than anyone else.

As for the language thing, I don’t suppose most of us are up to learning enough of a language’s basics for every single country we’re ever going to visit. Like it or not, English is a global language, has been for a long time, and if people anywhere are going to learn one foreign language, it’s most likely to be English. Not German, Dutch, Swedish, Greek, Czech, Hindi, Bahasa Indonesian, Japanese, etc.

I say this as someone who does have the basics of a few languages, and more than the basics of two of them.

I'm surprised. I have always found Italians to be very friendly on holiday. They generally think we are German but must realise we are probably not when we speak English to them. I don't attempt more than hello, goodbye, please and thank you when in another country. Noone has got time to learn a whole new language just to go on holiday.

My family is from a very touristed part of Italy. Italy has a labour shortage and many of the staff in the local hotels and restaurants are not Italian and only have minimal Italian themselves - English is the default language. I imagine this might be the situation in similar popular destinations and resorts so it shouldn't be an issue that the OP doesn't speak Italian.

This, of course, has nothing to do with the OP but I am aware from family members who work in the tourism industry that residents are getting more and more fed up with tourists. Although our area has attracted visitors for centuries, It is a problem that a lot of people now come for the day, often, it seems, to have their photos taken in particular locations, but don't put that much into the economy. It becomes really difficult for local people to use local transport (too crowded), park, find rental properties (all kept for short lets) etc etc. Even driving is an issue as the roads are very windy and visitors are (understandably) nervous and drive very slowly causing huge tailbacks (it's very difficult to overtake, too many bends).

There is also a weird sense of entitlement from some visitors who appear to believe that everything and everyone is content in their Insta: people have literally walked into the shop where my cousin works filming it and her, without a word of greeting, much less asking if she would mind. Again, I am not accusing the OP of doing anything like this, just expressing why there might be a level of resentment towards foreigners generally.

English people are really unpopular in the continent now, more than ever before

Our tourist money is almost not wanted.

As a whole, we are seen as arrogant, entitled and have an air of ' exceptionalism' that makes us think politeness and manners don't apply to us.

Unfortunately decent travellers get lumped in with the general view, and the nly way to show you aren't 'Typically English' is by learning a bit of the language , enough to order in a cafe or restaurant and exchange pleasantries, and observe other customs.

Your husband is obviously entitled to wear what he wants, but if no other patrons are, and they have dressed in smarter clothes for the evening, then that may mark him out as 'one of those English'.

On the other hand, I don’t like Greece and have not had great experience with Greek people. They seem quite racist and rather intent on living on past glory.

Say hello and please in Italian at the beginning of your conversation as a bare minimum.

Ideally use Google translate and learn to say 'I'm sorry I don't speak Italian'

Just saying 'grazie' isn't enough.

We've been to Rome and the Amalfi coast and had lovely helpful service. In fact people were super nice especially to my 10 year old
DS who they joked with and made a huge fuss of. Teen DD bought a dress in a shop and she felt like a princess with the fuss that was made over how lovely she looked. Yes of course it was to make a sale but it's still nice to feel special. They also made her a special risotto that wasn't on the menu in a restaurant.
We had a lovely Italian driver take us on a day trip down the coast and he said that the whole place depends on tourist income and that Covid times were awful and locals were pleased to have tourists back. It was just post pandemic when we went. We are going to the Lakes this summer so I surely hope that the same is true there.
We are a bit mindful that it's peoples livelihoods and don't take the piss haggling for cheap prices and are open to getting upsold a bit within reason if it's a nice thing/ experience. I would not honestly expect to pay local prices as a tourist. We abide by rules eg parking ones and don't litter, we make a bit of an effort with language just a few polite phrases and are complimentary and interested in the place and I have never actually been anywhere that we didn't feel welcomed.

I love Italy and the Italians , I can't speak word of Italian and have never had any poor service. Rome was great. we always got served and a place in restaurants.

I've been to Italy quite a few times, Venice, Rome, Florence and back packing and found Italian's very hospitable and friendly.

I speak little more Italian that please, thank you, yes, no etc etc
In fact Italian men were too friendly when I was younger !!!!

I can only imagine you're inadvertently breaking a social norm like wearing skimpy clothes/speaking above a whisper in a church.

Interesting thread. We go to Italy a lot- were in Liguria very recently, and Laggo Maggiore a bit earlier, and go to Tuscany every year. Been to Sicily many many times. We have never had a bad experience and never been treated as you describe. Something does not add up here.

Lake Garda is very close to Switzerland and Germany, as well as Austria, Slovenia and Croatia. Waiters, etc, do tend to speak German for that reason. Many will come from the nearby German speaking part of Italy too, and others from Aosta further to the east where they speak French.

@Alltheunreadbooks I thought the same.

Also I assumed we aren’t liked on the continent because of Brexit - if we don’t want to be part
of Europe we can fuck off thinking they’d all still want us to visit!

I've found that they do really appreciate people speaking the language. Nobody really speaks English to a major degree that I found. So it must be a communication thing. Culturally there's something different there too. They are actually a really conservative country in many ways. I didn't realise it was simply not the done thing to wear a miniskirt and vest top, in summer. Nearly all the Italian women were wearing jeans.
It's a beautiful country though. I never found anyone actively rude. I did get robbed within half an hour of landing though! I guess to them maybe we look kind of uncouth and uncultured. Well, I probably did. Some of the men seemed pervy, but again I think it was down to what I was wearing.

We are still part of Europe.