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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Slim friend eats minuscule amounts and talks a lot about it

146 replies

ChampagneLassie · 09/05/2024 22:40

my friend is very sweet and lovely in many ways but AIBU to be irritated to point of not wanting to see her, at least in context of eating. With a small child and work I rarely eat out, we went for lunch today in a nice restaurant. She spent ages deliberating then ordered a tomato salad and bread. No main. No desert. I had a main, side and desert and actually I’d have liked a starter but felt I should only get one course. It just took the fun out of it for me. And she enthused so much about how amazing her tomato salad was it seemed really OTT. She also mentioned her pettiness several times. I’m a slim 10 normally but pregnant and happily eating all of the things. AIBU to be irritated by this?

OP posts:
Aswellisnotoneword · 10/05/2024 00:58

VestibuleVirgin · 10/05/2024 00:48

Eat to live rather than live to eat.

That's a fine outlook to have and one I'm working on having myself.

And it's OK to show up to a meal out and not order much, for whatever reason. But the OP said that her friend went on about it, which a) is boring and b) can feel accusatory.

nothingsforgotten · 10/05/2024 02:32

She sounds like a massive bore. Don't meet her for food again would be my advice.

coxesorangepippin · 10/05/2024 02:36

Yeah itst shit eating out with people who, well, don't eat

Or the endless I'm so thin spiel

Trez1510 · 10/05/2024 02:48

Something I've noticed about naturally slim/petite people is they never really bang on about it or how little they eat.

OTOH, those with eating disorders ......

Polishedshoesalways · 10/05/2024 05:46

If you genuinely considered your ‘friend’ to have an eating disorder then you wouldn’t feel as annoyed as you do, it doesn’t sound like you care about her very much. She shouldn’t have to eat loads to keep you happy. Her company should be enough.

HelloCello · 10/05/2024 05:53

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

AutumnalLeaves38 · 10/05/2024 05:53

@Pieceofpurplesky
"I imagine her bowels to be on point"
😆😆

hopscotcher · 10/05/2024 05:56

Well, she can order what she wants really, but it would annoy me if she was drawing attention to how little she was eating.

Fraaahnces · 10/05/2024 06:06

I think it sounds suspiciously like an ED too. She sounds a bit like she’s put herself in a competition with you (and other women) that you haven’t knowingly entered into. Is her hair looking thin? Does her skin tone look less radiant than normal? If she was a good friend of mine I would check in on her, and ask questions about her life, etc, but not discuss food or eating. If she has an ED she will do anything to hide this. There could also be another underlying physical or mental health issue at play as well.

StormingNorman · 10/05/2024 06:38

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

You are a loss to the medical profession ; fuck 7 years of medical school,

Potty mouth, seriously? The faux indignation is quite amusing considering your post to me inclded this delight👆

There was no humour in your post at all. It wasn’t clever, it wasn’t funny and it wasn’t sarcastic.

Going off like a firework is also a bit rich after your massive overreaction. You do realise that quite a few other people have all said the same reaction to the friend’s need to discuss her dainty appetite and food shame the OP.

I’m sorry if you’ve made undereating your personality and recognise a few conversational titbits from your own repertoire in my post. Don’t feel personally attacked, I didn’t even know you existed.

StormingNorman · 10/05/2024 06:48

Polishedshoesalways · 10/05/2024 05:46

If you genuinely considered your ‘friend’ to have an eating disorder then you wouldn’t feel as annoyed as you do, it doesn’t sound like you care about her very much. She shouldn’t have to eat loads to keep you happy. Her company should be enough.

Edited

Can she just eat the salad and not make a big deal of only ordering a salad though? It’s not about having to eat loads to keep the OP happy. It’s about not boring on about he dainty appetite.

Oblomov24 · 10/05/2024 06:49

I'm laughing @WittiestUsernameEver and her Christmas steamed carrot. Grin
I can't spend time with undereaters, it's too miserable. But I do love a good tomato salad.

Amx · 10/05/2024 06:56

When I had an eating disorder I wouldn't have eaten bread.

She sounds dull though going on about being petite. How do you shoe horn that in? Grin

LakeTiticaca · 10/05/2024 07:23

Strange isn't it how posters are allowed to speculate about extreme thin people and their supposed earing disorders yet mention morbid obesity and anyone who states the obvious, like stop being such a greedy so and so, gets shut down immediately

Beautiful3 · 10/05/2024 07:39

There's nothing you can do to help. Just don't feed it, as in talk about it. Ignore her comments about food/not eating, and talk about other things. I wouldn't eat out with her either, arrange walks together or grabbing coffee.

sweetiepie1979 · 10/05/2024 07:48

Worthitforthe · 09/05/2024 23:22

Are you the OP's irritating friend per chance 🤔🧐

Show quote history

That’s what I was thinking ! Or any of the mothers mentioned above !

AllCatsAreAutistic · 10/05/2024 08:25

Anyone who comments on what someone else is eating is being rude, and anyone who talks about her own eating habits, other than in answer to a direct question, is being a bore.

HcbSS · 10/05/2024 08:57

No way could I be around someone like this.
Competitive undereating is irritating and makes you look like a twat.
I have a colleague who delights in saying she only has a digestive biscuit before work (and we work shifts so weird, long hours) then in the break if the queue is long for the cafe ‘I am ok, I have a satsuma in my bag’. While I am dead on my feet.

Projectme · 10/05/2024 09:37

'she also mentioned her petiteness several times' and OP, you later say that you noticed she had lost weight...was she expecting you to mention or comment or congratulate her on her weight loss do you think? And when you didn't say 'ooo XXX you've lost weight/you look amazing blah blah', she felt the need to bring it into the conversation several times?

Perhaps, for some reason, she was looking for validation and was hoping to get some comment from you about 'how well she had done'. (Some people can be like that, especially with weight loss)

If you didn't enjoy eating out with her, maybe give it a swerve next time and just suggest a catch up over coffee (or water in her case?).

CrotchetyQuaver · 10/05/2024 09:46

I cannot abide this competitive under-eating business some women do, I certainly don't want to eat with them as it takes all the pleasure away.
If you said anything I think it would be denied, just have non food based meet ups in future. Then at least you can keep an eye on her etc etc

BigDahliaFan · 10/05/2024 09:55

There are some people who it just isn't fun to go eating with (like there are some people who it isn't fun to go out drinking with ... and that probably has nothing to do with how much they drink).

I have a friend who has allergies, is quite abrupt/rude with waiting staff, and looks judgy and comments on how large a portion of chips may be. Outside of an eating situation - like hiking - she's a joy.

A friend who looks sulky if I'd rather order a starter than a pudding...we talked about that and that's fine.

But other friends who are skinny/fat and order what they want and we catch up and there's no judginess and it's fun to eat with them.

Headtothestreets · 10/05/2024 09:59

Woman doesn't eat a big lunch, and enjoys her food. Give the poor woman a break. You do you, let her do her.

BananaLambo · 10/05/2024 09:59

I have a friend with a full blown eating disorder and all she talks about is weight and food and calories, how fat she is (she’s 7.5 stone and there isn’t a spare ounce on her), how fat everyone else is…she notices if you’ve gained or lost a pound, what diet she’s on, whether she should get Ozempic….on and on and on. It’s heartbreaking- she used to be such fun but her obsession has taken over her life. She always chooses restaurants like tapas or sushi where food is shared and then smears enough round her plate so it looks like she’s eaten something.

Fizbosshoes · 10/05/2024 10:31

Headtothestreets · 10/05/2024 09:59

Woman doesn't eat a big lunch, and enjoys her food. Give the poor woman a break. You do you, let her do her.

Woman eats small lunch and has general chit chat, about all sorts

Woman eats small lunch and comments on her food, what else she's eaten that day, how she has a small lunch every day and a small appetite...because she's tiny and can't eat a lot...

Who would you prefer to have lunch with...?

GingerPirate · 10/05/2024 10:33

YANBU.
Congratulations on your pregnancy! 🤰