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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To find this universal credit situation unfair

240 replies

happypickle · 09/05/2024 08:41

Myself and DH have 1 child and pay the equivalent of a 2nd mortgage on nursery. We are talking about having a 2nd child but we have to wait to be at a point where our first would be on their way into school as we could not afford to pay for 2 nursery places.

In laws who are in universal credit, have no such constraints and are in a position to try and conceive before us as SIL does not work and is a SAHM to 6 month old. They get a fortune in UC and have their rent paid and actually have more disposable income than us in professional jobs.

Don't know what I want from this post but just feel it's so unfair that we are constrained by finances but those on benefits are free to plan their family exactly as they want and they will have the ideal 2 years age gap which we would have loved to have done.

OP posts:
crumbpet · 09/05/2024 08:44

Right your childcare years will be the most expensive. You'll get through it. Stop comparing apples and pears.

Greyheronsarethebest · 09/05/2024 08:44

hand in your notice, become a sahm and have more babies! HTH!

Elebag · 09/05/2024 08:45

You have the benefit of a mortgage and they don't.

Original poster
happypickle · 09/05/2024 08:46

You've avoided my question, do you agree it's not fair?

OP posts:
Nonametonight · 09/05/2024 08:46

Have you actually checked if with two children in childcare you'd be entitled to any universal credit?
Otherwise, yes, you're being unreasonable. You could make lifestyle sacrifices to have a second child sooner, but you've decided that isn't your priority. Your sil has chosen differently.

Marblessolveeverything · 09/05/2024 08:47

It isn't unfair because the choice is available to you.,🤷‍♀️

Pigeonqueen · 09/05/2024 08:47

Elebag · 09/05/2024 08:45

You have the benefit of a mortgage and they don't.

Exactly. Long term you’ll be better off.

Original poster
happypickle · 09/05/2024 08:47

Nonametonight · 09/05/2024 08:46

Have you actually checked if with two children in childcare you'd be entitled to any universal credit?
Otherwise, yes, you're being unreasonable. You could make lifestyle sacrifices to have a second child sooner, but you've decided that isn't your priority. Your sil has chosen differently.

No not entitled, we only get the tax feee childcare.

OP posts:
Isitisit · 09/05/2024 08:48

Do you want to be a SAHM? Presumably you prefer having a mortgage and a job to not buy if you don’t you can change it.

EatCrow · 09/05/2024 08:48

Have it out with your in laws, face to face, instead of doing it behind their back on a forum.

AlltheFs · 09/05/2024 08:48

It’s not unfair. Hope that helps

We had 1 child because we couldn’t afford 2 in childcare and too old for a bigger gap. It is what it is. We have a good income and a high standard of living now.

I wouldn’t be a low earner, renting, on UC willingly. It’s not a life I’d want.

Allthesea · 09/05/2024 08:49

YABU and the blatant pre-election benefit bashing threads on here are getting boring.

We know what you want, you want a bun fight, but we can’t be bothered so hop along, do.

Greyheronsarethebest · 09/05/2024 08:49

happypickle · 09/05/2024 08:46

You've avoided my question, do you agree it's not fair?

sell up, rent and become a sahm. You currently compare apples with pears. I don't understand your point. Your circumstances aren't remotely comparable. but if it's so easy to have the life of Riley on benefits - well, the in laws gave you the blue print. Just follow.

vodkaredbullgirl · 09/05/2024 08:50

🤐

shepherdsangeldelight · 09/05/2024 08:50

But in 2.5 years time your SIL's youngest will be 3 and she'll have to look for work after 5(?) years out of the workforce.

And you'll have 5 years of experience, pension contributions etc and be in a much more financially secure position.

Many parents in your position plan to take a year's maternity leave with 2nd child so they can take their child out of nursery for this time, and then their oldest is eligible for "free" hours, so they aren't ever paying 2 sets of nursery fees at the same time.

TinkerTiger · 09/05/2024 08:51

'DH has one child' 👍🏽
'Myself has one child' 👎🏽

BashfulClam · 09/05/2024 08:51

To be honest bringing more children into an overpopulated world is irresponsible.

afraidand · 09/05/2024 08:51

If you want another child, and that is your priority, then choose that and make it work, either by being a SAHM or however.

I am a single parent, and worked full time, and went without food to pay childcare.

20 years later, my mortgage is paid, I can afford to work part time in a job I like, my daughter can live with me rent free as she saves up for her own deposit, and between us we have enough disposable income to enjoy life, she has a car and drives me around, I have regular trips away, life is good.

TBF, life was good when we were skint as well! We were still happy

Catico · 09/05/2024 08:51

@EatCrow
Surely being able to vent on an anonymous forum is the point of MN? Or are you trying to police what topics are allowed to be discussed?
I feel sorry for you OP. Things will change under Labour, hopefully for a fairer society.

Mrsjayy · 09/05/2024 08:51

What do you want people to say I mean you could get a childminder reduce your/his working hours you could also be getting a "fortune" in benefits. I mean I'm assuming most working mothers would be "sahm" to 6 month olds due to maternity leave . You are choosing to be constrained this isn't the issue that you are making it out to be.

KeinLiebeslied54321 · 09/05/2024 08:52

YABVVU @happypickle
Were you hoping for a benefit bashing party? No such luck.
Stop comparing and live your life.

Beezknees · 09/05/2024 08:55

Ah, the daily benefit bashing thread.

No, I do not agree that it's not fair. UC is paid to people who do not earn enough to live on. If you are not entitled to it, then you do not need it. Bore off with your benefits bashing, it's tiresome. Or quit your job and claim UC if you think it's great.

Original poster
happypickle · 09/05/2024 08:55

Mrsjayy · 09/05/2024 08:51

What do you want people to say I mean you could get a childminder reduce your/his working hours you could also be getting a "fortune" in benefits. I mean I'm assuming most working mothers would be "sahm" to 6 month olds due to maternity leave . You are choosing to be constrained this isn't the issue that you are making it out to be.

She is not on mat leave she is unemployed

OP posts:
Tdcp · 09/05/2024 08:56

I really hate benefit bashing threads. I grew up in poverty with a mum on benefits, it was awful. Everyone thought we lived the life of riley with getting " a fortune" on benefits, in reality we could barely afford to eat or clothe ourselves and god forbid if something broke like a washing machine. I now work and earn too much to claim benefits.. there isn't a single ounce of jealousy in my soul for paying childcare when others get it for free. Your in laws won't get as much as you think they do and it won't last either as SIL will have to start work I think by the time the child is 2 with the new rules (could be wrong on the age but still). It's ridiculous to be so envious of someone less fortunate than yourself. and you know what they say.. the grass is always greener right.

VestibuleVirgin · 09/05/2024 08:56

happypickle · 09/05/2024 08:41

Myself and DH have 1 child and pay the equivalent of a 2nd mortgage on nursery. We are talking about having a 2nd child but we have to wait to be at a point where our first would be on their way into school as we could not afford to pay for 2 nursery places.

In laws who are in universal credit, have no such constraints and are in a position to try and conceive before us as SIL does not work and is a SAHM to 6 month old. They get a fortune in UC and have their rent paid and actually have more disposable income than us in professional jobs.

Don't know what I want from this post but just feel it's so unfair that we are constrained by finances but those on benefits are free to plan their family exactly as they want and they will have the ideal 2 years age gap which we would have loved to have done.

Welcome to the world with a social welfare system. Nothing is fair unless you are the recipient of benefits. Those who have never claimed any kind of benefit (UC, PIP, unemployment, whatever) have paid through various taxes, for those who do.
Some abuse the system, and then there are those who cannot seem to make any headway with it at all (generally those who need it the most).
You may see it as 'unfair', but that depends on your morals and ethics. if you believe your in-laws have somehow worked the system, or are in a better position than you, rail at them (or indeed, ask them how they managed this luxurious lifestyle) rather than the system itself. Alternatively, you could ban everyone from having any help if that would be fairer to you.
I think you need to take a long hard look in the mirror and count your mortgage and one child blessings - many would think it is unfair that they do not have such things