To find this universal credit situation unfair

[happypickle]

Myself and DH have 1 child and pay the equivalent of a 2nd mortgage on nursery. We are talking about having a 2nd child but we have to wait to be at a point where our first would be on their way into school as we could not afford to pay for 2 nursery places.

In laws who are in universal credit, have no such constraints and are in a position to try and conceive before us as SIL does not work and is a SAHM to 6 month old. They get a fortune in UC and have their rent paid and actually have more disposable income than us in professional jobs.

Don't know what I want from this post but just feel it's so unfair that we are constrained by finances but those on benefits are free to plan their family exactly as they want and they will have the ideal 2 years age gap which we would have loved to have done.

Is that all you took from my post ?

Having worked full and part time and paid very expensive nursery fees I’m now looking at early retirement (couple of years)because I have paid in enough pension to live fairly comfortable. That is the benefit of working. The state pension does not enable that.

No Op lol sorry we don't have it easier. My rent takes up most of what I get, and I can't pay my bills and food.
There's no luxurious planning of children that went in to anything either.
The need is there when as a single parent too, they want 50k proof of income for a two bed flat, people will have to rely on help.
There's no magic salary to come out of the woodwork. Or a job that can be found without qualifications etc to get it.

Are you not eligible for the 30 hours free childcare? We waited until my oldest had free hours and then it was affordable overall

If you're entitled to tax free childcare, you'll be entitled to the new help for working parents, which means 9-month-olds get funding from September... so you'd have funding when your baby was born?

So it could be nothing to do with UC. They are likely planning to get the funding. They can claim 85% on top of that, but they'd need to be claiming that, UC won't cover them if they're eligible but just decide not to.

Your ire is directed at the wrong thing here.

We've been there too and it felt so unfair. Now we're coming to the end of the childcare years and reaping the benefits but it was a slog.

Someone said to me that the years with young children are the best off for those on benefits and worst off for everyone it's not a good time to compare!

And that's a situation you're eaten up with envy about?

Your sister in law isn't daft though as she knows by having two close together she can continue on Uc for some years without needing to look for work. By timing a two year gap, she will get maximum time without needing to look for work but actually even if her partner is earning even a low amount as long as he meets the couple AET ( earnings threshold) she is unlikely to be pushed to look for work.

it's so unfair This seems to get posted a lot - do adults really expect universal fairness?

You have to look at the long term picture, it can feel unfair in the moment but ultimately if you continue working and working on a progression path then there are opportunities for you to continue to increase your salary nd you are paying into a pension which will put you into a better position in old age.

When I went back after mat leave, DD was 9 months old, nursery was double our mortgage payment, I was on about £25k a year and we lived on beans and toast and jacket potatoes.

DD is 10 now, no childcare fees except holiday clubs which I use childcare vouchers for because I have a big stash from Covid times, my salary has quadrupled, my mortgage is nearly paid off and I have savings.

You could quit and claim UC, be a SAHM if that better fits what you want, but there are downsides to that as well and you have to weigh up your decisions based on more than just what is 'fair' right now.

In 10 years, you will be much more financially stable than them, with your mortgage well on the way to being paid off, a decent income and kids in school so much more disposable income.
They will not have any of that. They will be struggling. And she will be required to look for work to continue to get any help once her kids are they age.

You will be much better off in the long term and may even have a good retirement whilst they’ll be on the bones of their arse.

I'm guessing you both have well paid jobs hence why no help with childcare

But that you earn enough to pay fees and have some salary left over

Or give up your job and no childcare rk pay ?

Have you actually used the benefit calculators to see if get any help

Plus once have 2 dc it's worth looking at nannies rather then one at nursery plus befjre /after school club and then the 12w holiday of state school to cover

If you think it is so unfair why don’t you give up your job and claim UC?

If you wouldn’t be eligible for UC with 2 DC and the maximum allowed childcare element you must be earning more than £5.75k per month between you and DH.

Why on earth would that be ok to do?

I claim universal credits and work 2 shit part-time jobs. Have to rent and have basically no pension.
If I had a mortgage, I'd be so happy in life to go out and work to pay for it, so at the end of my working years, I had an asset that is mine. But I don't.
I also am not living the life of Riley while claiming UC. The majority of it pays my rent to my landlord. I'm behind in some utility bills, cannot afford to learn to drive or go on holiday.
I hate benefit bashing threads when many working people do claim some UC just to keep their heads above water.

No. In your case I actually think its madness you have options and when you are a mother you have to do what works for your OWN family. Why don't you work part time? Or become a SAHM too?

I understand why you feel its unfair right now. Especially if your broody. I think being broody can (sometimes) make us have irrational thoughts.

You want your little family complete with a second child. That is completely normal. However you also want to continue owning your own home and not take a career break for yourself or DH. Your gaining pension contributions and putting equity into your home. Massive benefits to yourself and family. You have made these choices. They come with lots of longterm benefits.

You could make different choices which means you could have your second child now. But it means something from above has got to give.

You would not trade anything with your SIL other than the fact she can currently have a second child now. You could have a second child now but don't want to make the sacrifices. Unfortunately you are not rich enough to pay two lots of nursery fees.

You need to decide what you really want and stop looking at other people lives and thinking it isn't fair.

Tbf life isn’t fair… and this problem is a minuscule problem compared to what life could throw at you

Actually currently she wouldn't if her child is three and her partner earns over the AET. Obviously that might change but if a partner earns over £1437 she doesn't need to work.

Comparison is the thief of happiness.

Your situations are not directly comparable. Your mortgage is giving you a valuable asset, one that will, all likelihood, appreciate I value. The rent they get help with I'll not benefit them in that way.

You will also be in a much better financial position in the future, as your careers haven't had the gap and you will likely out earn them, and that's before thinking about pensions etc.. you are also future proofed in regards when the kids grow up and their entitlement to UC will drop and they will be behind at work and pay scales.

Try not to dwell on what they have now but focus on how much more beneficial and stable your position is.

Without a UBI there will always be some people who see the welfare system as unfair. There will always be winners and losers. Personally, I wouldn't feel comfortable relying on the state to fund one of us being a stay at home parent, however that's my choice. Each family must chose what they feel is morally ok and works for their family.

I get where your feelings come from. We receive no state help but I don't feel resentment to those who do. My future is a lot more financially secure, and that's a blessing.

You can have a second child but just wait until the three year funding comes in or as near to when they start school. It isn't an uncommon age gap.

Do you want your own house do do you want to rent?

Do you want to work or be a SAHM?

Just decide what you want to do from those things and make it happen. I'd never be jealous of anyone who is renting over owning my own home, and if I was jealous I could always rent instead and leave my job.

Another benefits bashing thread 🙄🙄

I'm starting to thing there are Tory bots doing this.

I'd never be jealous of anyone who is renting over owning my own home, and if I was jealous I could always rent instead and leave my job.

Quite.

Personally I do see your point. We live in a small 2 bed house. We don't have a back garden. This is one of the reasons we only had 1 child. Bil and sil live in a council owned 5 bedroom 3 storey new build townhouse as they have 7 children. It doesn't matter if they have multiple children as the council is obligated to house them.

However we have a mortgage so will eventually own our home which will be a huge asset in future. We will have a secure home for retirement and something to hopefully leave to our daughter. Bil and sil will probably be in council housing and never own. It is hard now but try to think of how much better off you will be in years to come.