To not want DHs toys all over the fkn living room?

[BeepBeepYh]

DH is a geek. He collects figures, lego, character statues etc.

When we had a smaller house his stuff was all over the living room. Shelves of them, cabinets, on the mantle piece etc... It caused a fair few arguments.

We've moved to a new house and there's a small room upstairs that's currently got boxes in that haven't been unpacked /sorted that we agreed would be his room for his collection.

He can put shelves up, lights, a cabinet. Anything he wants as long as the door shuts.

It's been close to a year and he's not sorted the room out.

His collection is all still in boxes in that room and the loft.

Only since we moved he started a new collection. A certain series of figures and he's been buying them.

He must have bought 30 of them.

My livingroom sideboard has been filled with the empty boxes (he won't bin them) and the shelves I put up in an alcove has been taken over by the figures.

My kids are all teens now and I was really looking forwards to having a 'grown up' living room.

I said to him yesterday that he needs to move all the toys and set up his room.

He says that I have things on the shelves so why can't he? My things are picture frames, dried flowers, ornaments and candles.

It's hardly the same is it?

It's not like I'm saying he can't collect them. I don't give a shit. I'm just asking that he sorts the room upstairs out so he can put them all on display there!

He said that it's not fair that I've got the living room and bedroom for my stuff (I've got absolutely nothing on display, I just want a NORMAL living room and bedroom that doesn't look like ToysRUs. It's not like I collect things and have all my stuff everywhere. I just want a minimal bedroom after decades of toy clutter) and he has to just have the office room.

I said most blokes would love have a whole mini room to have their own space and the living room or bedroom isn't the place for his collection.

AIBU?

Imagibe 30 x 6" marvel figurines stood on your living room shelf??

Whys everyone saying the candles and ornaments are MINE?

The candles he bought because of the smelly dogs. The ornaments are things he bought me from the kids and told me to put on the shelf. And the dried flowers were a present from him again for the living room.

He came with me when we were decorating and chose the candles and he chose an oil burner (again for smelly dogs)

These things are for the family room.

I've not taken joy in going and getting them.

They're just boring living room decoration.

If I had barbies on display then that would be a fair equivalent.

You lost me at dried flowers.

I would hate the Marvel shite too, but he has a point.

Maybe if you each agreed to one personal item in the sitting room and the rest gets put away, that would be an acceptable compromise.

As an aside, is he developing a tendency to hoard?

I'm with you @BeepBeepYh my husband is a collector. He's spent years hunting for specific things, and then things linked to the specific things, and then things that compliment the specific things, and then things that are linked to the things that compliment the specific things....and so on in a never ending circle of 'things'

I've repeatedly asked that the collection is pared down to a manageable size that doesn't make it feel like I live in forbidden planet the shop however the collection keeps growing.

I'm at the point where I'd happily have him leave the family home with his fucking things just so my home can feel like an actual home again and every available surface doesn't contain a 'thing'. Feeling like a boiled frog because it's all built up over the decades we've been together.

No solutions from me sadly, but solidarity at least

Also we have a pair of Staffordshire dogs and an elephant statue... Both his from carboot outing!

@BeepBeepYh start collecting your own thing.... Sylvanian Families are cute 🙂

“He says that I have things on the shelves so why can't he? My things are picture frames, dried flowers, ornaments and candles.

It's hardly the same is it?”

It’s the same. He wants collectible figures, you want naice ornaments and candles.

The lounge is his space too, geeky bits and all.

Carboots, eh?

The appeal of Staffordshire dogs aside, I think he's a hoarder.

I love sylvanian families 😂 I have a little family that comes out at Christmas.

I just don't understand why he doesn't want to sort his room out and use it.

For years when we didn't have the space he talked about a room full of his stuff. Now he has the opportunity he's just not bothered and it's all sneaking back into communal spaces.

Whys everyone saying the candles and ornaments are MINE?

because of when you said this:

‘ He says that I have things on the shelves so why can't he? My things are picture frames, dried flowers, ornaments and candles.

🤔

If you don’t like them throw them out OP and then stand high on your moral high ground and when it gets cold up there carry all his stuff upstairs and shut the door on it

Collecting isn't hoarding!
These collectibles may be considered tat and worthless and etc but some of them (if they still have their boxes) can be eye-wateringly valuable, particularly the older vintage and neo vintage action figures.

No. It’s not. If it was a collection of pig ornaments or similar yes. But if it’s just decorative then no.

You have things up you like. He can have things he likes up. That, or you need to decide what you BOTH find reasonable 🤦‍♂️

I would hate this. It would give me the ick too.

30 figurines whilst annoying I would not get too het up over but the empty boxes must go

I deliberately do not have shelves or a sideboard in my living room, it's just inviting tat collectibles and "heirlooms" to accumulate. Only exception are the top of the bookcases which I can't see from the sofas! I don't have ornaments, candles on beside the tv and pictures on the wall, you can't have double standards, one man's trash and all that!

Because he said those are my things.

He said why do I get 2 rooms. But they aren't full of MY stuff. They're full of our stuff. Family stuff. Communal stuff.

Not things I collect.

But he sees his collection as his and anything else is 'wife stuff' even though it's not, it's house stuff.

Non of it brings me joy. It's just decorating the house. Most of the stuff that would be classed as decorative (the ornaments, flowers, candles) He bought!

Generally ugly things look better behind glass doors (eyeballing toy tractors and milking parlour tucked in amongst our China cupboard)… and a restricted space if he’s only allowed a few favourites downstairs?

He is a hoarder. We have boxes and boxes of stuff from 25 years ago he can't bear to get rid of. Old rotting books, clothes, kids drawings (like every single one they ever did. Not a select few)

He really does have a problem letting go of stuff.

He also has a lock up and I don't even know what's in there!

Dried flowers and candles are not inherently superior to figurines. The latter at least has some personality and individuality.

it’s fair to keep the best parts of the collection to the communal parts of the house and to consider the aesthetics of the display, but it doesn’t all need to be hidden away.

my most prized Lego is displayed on the mantle. I built it a special Lego stand because it needed a bit of lift and color balance to look its best in our living room. Personal + aesthetic.

So the ornaments other than his models are joint. Jointly chosen or bought by him? So keep anything joint out. Box up the rest. Including anything that is just yours.

Those figurines look like plastic crap to me. I would hate that too. I think you need to stand your ground. Can you maybe give him 1 shelf in the living room for his figurines but make it clear that it’s his responsibility to clean it regularly?

I'd agree to one shelf area no more rest and boxes up stairs in the agreed room....is he a hoarder? Can you agree on a one collection or 50 best items policy? Do you have the finances to afford his hobby?

He’s not sorting his hoarding room out because he’s a lazy git. I’d shove all his stuff upstairs and tell him it’s you or the tat. You had an agreement and have paid for a larger house to effectively waste a room.

I've just counted and there's bought by DH:
28 plants orf his in the living room
39 figures
2 candles
1 oil burner
5 ornaments (3 bought for me by him)
1 dried flowers. (bought for me by him)
16 plant pots

Bought by me

3 picture frames of kids
One ornament
One set of coasters.

Dh has one shelf in the cabinet in the living room and a frame in the downstairs toilet. At one point we had funkopops along the living room windows sil collecting dust and falling over all the bloody time… I lost it one day and dh put them away in a box in a huff… but he left them there so I think he realised they were annoying. I’d said he could have them up in the study where he works most days. It is a bit one sided as I do have some collectibles but I’m very fussy and hate clutter. I’d move all his stuff up to the room and put boxes in the loft.