No shorts at my wedding

[MumOfHals]

I'm getting married in Spain, in a really formal venue. I want to ask the men NOT to wear shorts for the ceremony, AIBU lol?

How can I word on the invite NO SHORTS?

Dress code:

Summer elegance for the ladies and matching formal attire for the men. NO SHORTS ( just doesn't flow well LOL)

Not to mention how much it is costing guests to attend (during a COL crisis) and the precious annual leave being used.

Sounds like OP is more interested in the "aesthetics" of the wedding and the insta pics than the comfort and enjoyment of guests who have made a massive effort to be there.

An evening wedding in a formal venue, you are absolutely fine to request formal attire including long trousers for men. They may thank you for it as far less likely to get bitten round the ankles by any mosquitoes!

Tell people what to wear not what they shouldn’t. Personally I think it’s a courtesy to have a clear dress code.

So long as your dress code matches the venue and event it’s fine. If this is a beach wedding it’s an odd request - but it actually is perfectly reasonable to have a more formal wedding, even in Spain.

I come from a hot tropical part of the world. My brother as a kid wore trousers to a garden wedding. Nobody would have thought of turning up in shorts over the age of about 5.

If it bothers anyone they can decline the invitation.

You sound delightful 🥴
This whole post just screams “look at me look at how amazing I am spending all this money”

I have been to a wedding in Spain - albeit the bride was Spanish. It was very formal. Had someone turned up in shorts I think the bride’s mother would have fainted.

soain isn’t all an episode of Benidorm!

Yes people do 🤣🤣🤣

I agree and this is what I was getting at. I think the expectation of a Brit invited to a destination wedding would be more casual and shorts etc. I also think that when everyone is travelling ( so not so much in your case as bride was Spanish) that people should be able to wear what they want and be comfy as they have already made a huge effort. The OP came across incredibly demanding in her post and as I’ve said in my many many responses to people that haven’t read the thread, if it’s going to be really hot and you wanted a formal wedding why make everyone go to Spain for it? Surely the joy of the destination wedding is the embrace the weather, the atmosphere and the relaxed natures? The OP didn’t say if it was church ( which of course would have made a difference) I had a U.K. wedding , it was 26degrees I actively encouraged guest to wear formal shorts and many did, my husband changed straight after we cut the cake too.

Are you happy for women to show their knees in shorter length dresses?

Tailored shorts?
In some warmer countries, tailored shorts are worn in formal settings including for work.

"Summer elegance" is incredibly vague.

As it's in an old monastery and a religious setting, simply state that clothing must cover the knees and shoulders. This covers both men and women then.

Tbh smart tailored shorts can look far smarter than a crumpled linen suit in lots of situations.

I wouldn't talk about photographs, knobbly knees, etc being the reason as that makes you sound obsessed with what it looks like, rather than the real meaning of the day. Easiest way is to focus on the setting.

I suspect there may not be children there.

I wouldn’t come. The audacity. People taking holidays and paying to see you in another country just to sweat their balls off.

*ISeriouslyDoubtIt
*
Also it's knobbly knees with a k, so many of the shorts lovers on here can't spell either.

Erm - you do realise it was the OP who wrote 'nobbly' first? 🤷

That's a rather childish response.

Summer elegance for the ladies and matching formal attire for the men.

When you sat 'matching formal attire' for the men, what do you mean?
It's the matching bit - do you mean the men's attire should match the woman they come with? As in colour and style?

Or do you mean that the men should also have 'summer elegance', whatever that may mean?

It isn't clear so it's worth clarifying. Though, as before, I'd go with the setting needing a dress code, rather than photographs and preference for no male knees - just say knees/shoulders should be covered.

I've attended a few very hot destination weddings, and honestly, none of the men turned up in shorts. And nothing was mentioned on the invites.

But honestly, it's a bit of a big ask if you're expecting people to travel abroad for a wedding - giving up valuable holiday time for a place they probably wouldn't have chosen for themselves - and THEN dictating what they wear.

But if you're insistent, I'd put something like "Please, we'd love all guests to be in formal attire for the ceremony and the pictures, but for the evening reception, feel free to change into something cooler/more comfortable if you'd like."

At the end of the invitation in small italic writing just put

"Formal dressware"

You haven’t asked but I’ll say it anyway, YABU! Why would you want your guests to be uncomfortable at your wedding?
What difference would it make to you if they wore shorts?
Quite simply, you’re asking people to shell out a fortune to attend your wedding, at least let them wear what they want.
If you want the formality of a British wedding, don’t get married abroad!

It's not a 'destination wedding' like when someone just fancies getting married in the Caribbean though. OP said they both have Spanish citizenship and half the guests will be Spanish, so it seems one or both of them is at least partly Spanish, or at least they've been living there for some time. So that's why they're 'making everyone go to Spain for it' - nothing to do with 'embracing the weather'. Just some part-Spanish people getting married, in Spain, and wishing to follow Spanish norms regarding a wedding...

I find it strange that a dress code is seen as an inappropriate thing just because people are travelling for the wedding.

I’ve travelled for most of the weddings I’ve been to and never felt the dress code didn’t apply because I’d travelled. I can’t imagine attending a formal wedding and just showing up in my gardening clothes cause they’re really comfy. And I’d hate to stand out underdressed because I didn’t catch what sort of event it was.

Also - there’s lots of reasons to get married in Spain. It could be that OP or future spouse is Spanish. Or maybe they have sentimental reasons for wanting to get married there. Or maybe they were hoping lots of family would decline rather than travel! Or maybe they are reasonably wealthy and so are their friends/family and so a week in Spain is just not that big a deal to do.

Why are so many people "uncomfortable' wearing adult attire? Is it really that much of a hardship? Must everything be dumbed down these days?

How far the guests are traveling, and at what cost, is completely irrelevant to the question of proper clothing at a formal ceremony.

Have to agree with this.
We had people coming from abroad for our wedding. I was just grateful that they were making the effort and paying for flights and so on, it wouldn’t have occurred to me to make special demands about dress code (or gifts).

Politely requesting long trousers and, of course, long dresses only (men don’t have the monopoly on knobbly knees) is fine.

The OP and husband to be are Spanish citizens, hence a wedding in Spain with their families. The need to put a dress code on the invitation is just for the @ 20% of UK guests who may be of the same shorts wearing attitude of some posters. It would be insulting to the Spanish hosts, I live in hope that her UK friends are more respectful than this. Spain is a country, not just a holiday destination. As for the formal short suits, they look ridiculous for anyone over the age of about 10.

Cue all the gentlemen turning up in kilts or dresses.