Hotel guest appears to have reported me

[holidaybliss]

Currently on holiday with our 5 month old baby, DH had annoyed me and I'd shouted at him, the usual stuff, first holiday with a baby and I feel I am doing a lot of the work (planning activities, childcare, etc). It was brief and nothing to write home about. The maid arrived shortly after at a very unusual time and the hotel manager came up to us at dinner and said how when he and his wife argue it's always about their children. I got the impression that both these events happened because someone in an adjacent room must have reported me to the hotel.

Am I being unreasonable to feel this is unnecessary? It's not exactly like things were being thrown / someone was unsafe, I don't think it's a rare occurrence for a tired mother of a baby on their first holiday to get irritated at their partner.

With these sort of topics there are always people that agree and those that don't. I have seen some well thought out, detailed and supportive advice on this thread, yet you have chosen to focus on the negative posts and argue with them rather engage with the people genuinely trying to help.

It makes you seem more angry and unreasonable than you probably are.

Possibly you are frustrated, wanting an argument and turning here to let of steam, which is fine if that's what you were looking for. But I think if you flipped this thread and focused on the helpful posts you would feel a lot better.

I hope you manage to get some rest and make the best out of your holiday. These trips are often stressful at the time, but focus on the good moments and these will be the memories you take away.

By the way, in my experience it doesn't necessarily get any easier holidaying with kids. I often wish I could go back to the days of reading books and relaxing on holiday, rather than being a full time kids entertainer! And I'm well past the baby stage. Perhaps it would be better to find someone more supportive to go on holidays with. I usually invite my sister or friend to join us to balance the load !

Oh I really feel for you @holidaybliss 😢

the way he is treating you is not acceptable, I think you know this.

The unkind way you have been treated in here isn’t acceptable either.

take care xxx

I think you already felt crap about the situation, and some of the comments have confirmed what you suspected. I think you were disappointed that you are the one that does all the baby stuff at home because he works, and when you went on holiday you rightly assumed that the load would be shared. The fact that you shouted is a symptom of you feeling overwhelmed and taken for granted. Shouting is a loss of control, which is why your neighbours would have complained. Its aggressive and unsettling noise, whereas loud music by the pool is annoying noise. Most people don't shout during an argument.
I don't think you needed to feel hard done to by the complaints - you weren't told off as such, you were just made aware. It's embarrassing more than anything.
I think you need to book your little one in for another session at the daycare and have a proper conversation with your oh about how you are feeling. You arent being treated respectfully and remember that the rest of your life is a very long time.

There has been a shed load of unhelpful bullying posts, and not many supportive ones.

the mob has definitely overtaken this thread

I have been on holiday with my kids since they were 3 months old @holidaybliss Don't stop travelling and sit resentfully at home.It will get easier and they will get used to it. Definitely book another session in daycare and try to read a book by the pool.

Do people not read the op’s comments before weighing in?

My partner criticizes me a lot: my clothes aren't good enough, my hair should be done differently when I'm about to walk out the door, they had a better bringing up than me and they want to remind me all the time and the latest is criticizing me to the baby. When there is an issue it's "mama doesn't care enough about your nappy does she, she'd much rather play on her phone". Where playing on my phone is actually booking the restaurant we will be eating at. Meanwhile he has read an entire book in the last 4 days. I have tried communicating this to him nicely, saying that when you say this to the baby, they will grow up to either treat others like this or accept this form of treatment. It seems that when I have the baby it's his time to enjoy doing nothing, but I never get that and get criticized constantly. There are no nice comments, if i say can't you say something nice about what I'm doing he says, "well you can't starve the baby" or "well you can't leave the baby filthy", to him what I'm doing is the bare minimum. So my shout was to tell him to stop criticizing me all the time.

This is emotional abuse. And a classic abuser’s strategy is to push you to your limits until you lash out, and then position you as the problem.

Do you have real life support, op? Do they know what’s going on? What’s your financial position?

Shouting isn’t normal, not because people are saints, but because most of us have decent partners who may not be brilliant but are at least trying. You’re under enormous pressure op, not just as a new mum, with sleep deprivation but because you have an undermining, emotionally abusive deadweight.

I think you’d be better off starting another thread in relationships.

Totally depends what the shouting entailed.
5 minutes of shouting could sound fairly concerning from another room.
From what you've described there is a LOT of tension between you so perhaps you as a family appear far more unstable than you think you do.

Maybe read the post above and enlighten yourself

She explained what the shouting entailed earlier

Why did you start a AIBU discussion? You clearly think the guest who reported you was in the wrong, you’re being very defensive when anyone suggests here otherwise, so this is all a bit pointless.

Way to kick a struggling woman who is clearly being emotionally abused. With laughing emojis. This is a disgusting thread and should be pulled. Ask for it ti be deleted OP.

🙄🙄have you read OP updates ?

If someone posted on MN that they could hear shouting / arguing in the next room where they knew there was a baby b(and wouldn’t know it was in the crèche) they would probably be advised to make the management aware.

Ad a safeguarding tactic to make sure woman and baby are ok. Even if it was the woman shouting.

View it as a welfare check, not a criticism, and get in and enjoy your holiday.

I think they were right as a duty of care to check up that everything was OK so long as they didn't do it in an unpleasant way. But I can't believe the self righteousness of majority on here...seriously as if nobody ever argues with their partners. The OP is already saying shes feeling tired and stressed with a baby. She's not saying they were attacking each other.

How do you know it’s rubbish? Do you know OP? Some workplaces it’s very difficult to get annual leave?

I’d rather not hear or see any children, but then I realise the world doesn’t revolve around me, and if I go to a hotel, I will meet normal people there who insist on going about their lives.

Im sorry you had such a nasty bunch of saintly twats reply to you yesterday OP, nothing like kicking a new mother when she’s already down.

OP, I think it’s unusual to shout on holiday because normally everyone is more relaxed than every day life. Both adults are around to help, no rushing around, you can just lay around and sleep when the baby sleeps etc. Even with my nightmare second baby and PND, I was happiest when we went on holiday when he was 6 months old. Life slowed down and feeling the sun on my skin whilst my DH let me sleep as much as possible was hugely restorative.

But it doesn’t sound like you are having that experience. And I think that is what PP’s are saying is unusual. You shouldn’t feel this unhappy and unsupported. I don’t think you are being judged necessarily, but you seem to make sweeping statements such as it is normal to struggle on holiday with a little baby and shit husband. PP’s are trying to tell you that no, that is not normal and you shouldn’t accept it.

Maybe no one reported you. Maybe the hotel manager was walking by outside and heard you himself as your balcony window was open? Maybe he truly felt for you and was trying to comfort you?

I have read all your posts on this thread and you sound so angry and unhappy. You are being quite hostile in all of your posts and I think that comes from deep unhappiness.

You can’t change your DH, but you can change how you feel and make steps to change your circumstance if you want to. Maybe when you get home, have a think about speaking to your GP about how you are feeling as you sound very overwhelmed.

Take care x

Is it possible that you were louder than you thought? Sometimes in the heat of the moment we dont recall things accurately.

Also has this perhaps occurred more than once on the holiday?

After being in a DV situation where the majority of it was verbal and I also had a small child, I would be worried if I heard this also.

They’ve paid for their room. People want to relax on holiday so might be a good idea to keep the noise down. Try hissing and glaring instead!

We wouldn't be shouting at eachother. I'd say it was a considerate things to do to, to ensure everyone concerned seemed to be OK.

Sorry if this has already been said... I work for a council ... not in childres/social services or anything care/or public facing... but the amount of training eveyone who woks here now get on domestic violence/safeguarding/modern slavery/child abuse etc and the main message is if you are even a tiny bit concerned (both in work a coleage or personal) you should always report it (we have safeguarding officers in each department) and they can then decide what to pursue

Guessing its not just public bodies getting the training (and who knows what the next room does for a job)

Hi all,
Just a quick call for old-style peace and love, and recalling how utterly exhausting it is having a little 5 month old?

The reason, I think the op has got a kicking is because her opening post asks Am I being unreasonable to feel this is unnecessary? about being checked up after someone hearing shouting. It was a possible safeguarding issue so the op was being u r.
However, she has done a bit of a drip feed.
People respond to what they se which on here was the opening post of the op saying she shouted and then later on she de-escalates that saying g it was a normal conversation tone. 🤷‍♀️