To think most women on here hate men

[Tanyahawkes]

Sorry for the rant but I’m noticing a pattern on mn, any post involving a man and a disagreement results in multiple calls of he’s a narcissist, he’s abusing, he’s controlling, leave the bastard!

I’ll admit that a list of posts do involve behaviour that is not nice from dh and dp. So many posts also can be interpreted in many ways too, I just feel like a large number of women jump to the worst conclusion first about a strangers partner, having only one side of a story told in a short version.

for anyone misunderstanding me, if a post says the partner is hurting physically, calling names, cheating, putting the op down, then yes I agree, ltb (so long as the post is true) it’s when a post says “great relationship, today partner upset me and we couldn’t see eye to eye” and everyone calls the poor guy a narcissist etc

So racism would be acceptable if criminal activity reached a certain level?

I think that's a slippery slope as certain ethnicities are already 'over represented at every stage of the criminal justice system' according to the ONS.

OK, but if somebody called an ethnic minority 'parasites' for being over represented in crime stats I don't think it'd wash.

@PamPamPamPam I absolutely don't want to be treated any differently to men "because I have periods." Let's not widen the misogyny in employment that goes on already.

Maybe have a think about why being honest about the fact that spending a quarter of one's life bleeding for approximately 30 years can present physical and psychological difficulties could lead to more misogyny in the workplace? Just think about it for a minute will you?

We are constantly trying to slot into a system that was not designed for us. This system was designed by men for men. The workplace was designed by men for men. Society has been designed by men for men. Why is that so difficult to understand?

I have to literally arrange my working month around my period. I try not to go away for work when I'm on my period. I try not to attend certain work events when I'm on my period. I have had to literally run out of rooms as I have started flooding before. I have friends and family members who have PCOS, endometriosis, those who have had to have a hysterectomy and take months off work. Do you genuinely think none of this matters? Really?

You're the one who made the comparison, not me. Why do you think Jew on woman violence is comparable to man on woman violence if the stats are not comparable at all and if ethnicity isn't comparable to biological sex?

Or are you making a false equivalence?

Surely that wasn’t the point though.
The point was that our physiology and general
needs are different to men’s.
Men don’t have the hormonal fluctuations to the extent that women do.
Men don’t bleed for a week every month for 40 years (or a week every three weeks, or have stupid heavy periods that need medicating and still leave you depleted in iron etc).
Men can’t grow babies and men tend not to be the main carers of them once those babies are born.
Biology dictates that men and women are, indeed, different. This is not about women being victims.
Work places are set up with men as the default human.

@ToveJanssonsWife Again, I do not want my employer to treat me any differently to my male colleagues. The expectations of me should be exactly the same; no more and no less. Don't make exceptions for me because I am a woman, thank you.

I’m with you there.

We can and should have empathy with people whose views are influenced by traumatic experiences, while at the same time accepting that their opinions are likely to be jaundiced and should be taken with a pinch of salt.

People affected by alcohol, drugs, gambling, infidelity or much worse are naturally going to jump to the worst case scenarios when giving advice to others, and this advice is only useful if taken in the context in which its given. The friends who understandably see the worst of these demons lurking in every situation are likely to give well-meaning advice that may be counterproductive to follow.

So you don't want maternity leave? Or time off for ante natal appointments?

Why would your employer having an understanding of how your physiology may affect you lead to them having different (or lower) expectations of you? That does not make any sense. Again, it's ingrained misogyny.

Why would being honest about the effects of having periods lead to being perceived as weaker or less able than a man? That is such a misogynistic attitude. Can you not see that?

@Comedycook oh I would love to have an answer to that! Let's see if we get one...

The underlying demographic factors contributing to crime rates amongst ethnic minorities are entirely different from those contributing to sexual and violent crime against women by men. Not to mention that almost all sexual offenders are men.

Do you even see how offensive that is to ethnic minorities?

Do you also realise that the bizarre false equivalence you are making between what you call 'misandry' and racism is racist in itself?

I think I’d prefer a set up that reflects the needs of all involved. Equality at the moment means that women work full time whilst still being the main carers and carrying the mental load. They are more likely to be the parent that picks up a sick child, that takes time off to care for the sick child. That starts to care for elderly parents. That cuts her working hours because life and full time work can be incredibly difficult when you’re trying to juggle it all.
They are also more likely to have issues related to periods, pregnancy and childbirth - not an illness, but not something that men need to consider at all. Plus conditions relating to and caused by them. Again not something that men need to consider or heal from/manage.
Men succeeding at work usually have someone supporting them so they don’t need to do the domestic stuff at home. Women succeeding are more likely to do so despite holding the fort at home as well.
Similarly to the current medical system that views men as the default, and routinely dismisses and minimises conditions that women go though, and prescribes drugs tested on men that often have more adverse reactions in women, and misdiagnoses conditions because they’re not presenting in a default male way (autism, adhd, heart attacks etc), and misdiagnoses conditions because student drs typically spend barely any time on menopause, or setting blood test levels that often mean women’s fatigue or chronic illnesses are overlooked because they’re not taking into account that female physiology is different to men’s and a normal level on paper can be debilitating for a woman (see thyroid issues, iron levels).
I do understand your point, but the expectations on you are much higher as a woman than it is for a man. That’s where equality and equity get mixed up.

Equality doesn't have to mean exactly the same. You can recognise differences. That's fine.

That's the thing isn't it.. why do you think some women hate men? It's not for shits and giggles.
The threads where a woman shares about her bad relationship is answered by women who have been there. They know the signs and try to help.
Some posters are just trolls and get a kick out of "ltb" etc etc

“Men succeeding at work usually have someone supporting them so they don’t need to do the domestic stuff at home. Women succeeding are more likely to do so despite holding the fort at home as well”

To be fair this part is nothing to do with female physiology, but in society it’s very much women relied upon to step up with caring roles and housework.
A vagina is not a requirement in these roles, but those with a penis only seem to step up when there isn’t a handy woman around to pick up the pieces, and caring roles aren’t exactly jobs you can go on strike with. Someone has to do it, and it’s usually a woman.

I don’t think all women on here hate men, no. But I do.

When I was very a newborn my dad cheated on my mum, yet again, and left her with 4 children to raise alone, paying nothing and never seeing us again.

When I was 8 I was sexually abused by my male teacher, the male head said ‘he wouldn’t do that’ and called the witnesses ‘silly girls’. I had to move schools to a worse one.

When I was 11 I got a ‘boyfriend’ who was 30, forced me to take drugs, then sex trafficked me. For years I was raped by many, many men. I was ‘traded’ for drugs, alcohol, pizza, money or whatever else my ‘boyfriend’ needed. Not one man, in many, many years, ever helped me. I was ‘offered to taxi drivers, shop or takeaway workers, workmen, gas engineers, meter readers, delivery drivers etc and they all said yes to raping me in return for money or free services.

Female police officers helped me escape and took me home after seeing my ‘boyfriend’ beat me severely in a taxi because I couldn’t make the taxi driver cum quick enough and punched me so hard my nose bled for days after. The taxi driver just waited while he did that until he finished so I could get back to giving him a blow job. I had to be moved away from the area as my ‘boyfriend’ wasn’t charged with anything and was free to find me.

Years later I trusted a man enough to marry him, he lied to me about something huge and then cheated on me.

Aside from that men have catcalled me, harassed me, touched me, assaulted me, sworn at me, thrown things at me and more.

In my whole life I have never known a good man. The men who are talked up as ‘good’ by colleagues, friends or family, aren’t when they’re in certain situations - I’ve seen it or experienced it first hand.

So yes, I hate men, because over many years, out of hundreds of men, they all said yes to raping me as a child and a teenager, none ever helped me and that doesn’t encompass everything I’ve been through.

@ToveJanssonsWife But why do we as women put up with it from men? Why don't we say "No our child is equally yours and we're both at work so you can collect from nursery and take time off to look after?" Or "No, I'm not doing all of the cooking and cleaning as well as working ft."
If my husband didn't do those things he wouldn't be my husband any longer!

Because when we realise this is what happens and we do something about it we are called misandrists and bitches.
When we post based on what we know we’re called man haters.
We can’t win.

Women put up with it because it’s the norm for so many families. Something has to happen to undertake that your man isn’t one of the good ones, but if those of us who’ve learnt say it we’re still in the wrong. We can’t win 😂

Nearly all of them.
It's like sophistry hour on here.
Then there'll be patriarchy posters.

On Mumsnet, it's become a swell of pop thinking or even dare I say socialisation. Men=the enemy.
Those who say the opposite are attacked and bullied.

@Itsnotverywide - that post is horrific. Simply horrific. Words can't express how sorry I am that you had to go through that.

The men who used and abused your body as a form of transaction are monsters. Every single one of them. And life after trafficking is a very, very lonely and confusing place to be. I personally know someone who's coming through a similar experience of being out on the other side, always fearful for her safety, whilst the lowlife criminals who did this to her still walk free.

I truly hope you are in a better place now ❤

Thank you. I am in a better place now but still live with the after effects such as I cannot go into an independent shop, a nightclub or pub, I cannot deal with male police officers or workmen, I’ll never be able to get a takeaway or a taxi etc. And of course people don’t understand any of that, I’m just a ‘weirdo’.

I hope the person you know who has had a similar experience is getting some support and will get through everything that has happened to her.

Thankyou, I’m so glad there seems to be a small handful of people on here that see where I’m coming from. As for the others they can keep attacking me all they like, while they attack me they might leave someone else alone. And as for the people stating the posts I’ve referenced have been wrongly perceived by me, and I’ve deliberately said they all say ltb when they don’t, i think it’s very pedantic to say that I must have meant that exact phrase was used in a post numerous times, it’s a vibe the post ends up with.

You don't get to come on here complaining that women are to blame for being hateful when men traumatise them, state absolute falsehoods about what happens here, and then paint yourself as the victim when people tell you what you sound like.