‘Are you autistic?’ - AIBU?

[withintheworld]

I probably am but it surprises me how casually people ask this on here ‘are you ND / are you autistic?’ It always looks shockingly rude to me and am always taken aback when it is asked.

I am sure people will say I’m BU but I am interested to see if I’m the only one with this reaction!

If I have asked you that and offended I’m sorry. As partner to an autistic man and mum to an autistic child I personally think if I ask it’s in a nicer way than “are you autistic?” Such as “have you considered you may be autistic?” Or something along those lines.
if you are autistic that is your business, same as anyone, if you aren’t it just may be that someone picks up on signs in something you have posted.

edited to say I won’t vote as I don’t think that AIBU applies to this post, you are entitled to your own feelings on this matter, no matter who does or doesn’t agree

IRL people wouldn’t ask this out loud but they will sometimes wonder if it’s the case based on another person’s retelling of an event. If they are ND then it possibly explains why the problem has occurred since the world operates on NT norms.

If there’s a ND child in the story then asking if one or both parents are ND is worth asking since many adults weren’t flagged at school and ND often involves a genetic component.

Asking about ND is the step before judging that an OP may be rude or unreasonable because a person who is ND may need a NT explanation of why others in the story behaved as they did. Asking about ND is better than jumping into accusations of someone being unreasonable. That would be more upsetting to a person who truly think that they were in the right.

When people ask about ND, the person is often ND or suspect that they are but didn’t add that in the original story because they didn’t think it was relevant.

It's only rude if you think being autistic is something negative. I've never seen that particular sentence on MN - it's usually framed in a less abrupt way such as have you considered...

If you think being autistic is something embarrassing or shameful then you'll find it offensive if someone asks if you're autistic. Otherwise it's just a yes / no question similar to "Are you from Wales?"

This shocked me and I almost replied saying “no way is that the same thing” on thinking about it though, someone who is on the spectrum may feel as if it is comparible

Thanks for that.

No it's not! Being autistic is nothing like being stupid!

There's nothing wrong with being autistic, but I think asking someone you don't know 'are you autistic!' Is too blunt? Similarly, I wouldn't ask someone I don't know 'are you diabetic? Or 'are you menopausal'

There's politer ways of asking someone personal questions 'Have you even considered you any be autistic/ diabetic/ menopausal?' Etc

😮

!!!

I think you're the one who's being very very rude by conflating autism with being stupid.

You missed my above post

I've seen it.

Autism is not a learning disability.

I think this thread is showing how little some people know about autism, which might be why they think asking about it is rude.

Can I just say this thread will more than likely be read by a lot of people who are autistic, suspect they may be, or parents and loved ones of autistic people, please can everyone remember that any comments could be from someone on the spectrum and they may or may not reply in a nt way. Some things said may be shocking and you don’t know if that person is nd or nt, meanings could be taken the wrong way, I see too much on mn that is just reactions without thought for everyone being a human being with feelings

what? 'stupid' is a derogatory term. Why would you consider autistic to be in the same line?

I really like the IPhone / Android metaphor that some people use. If people could ask “Are you an Android?” to confirm you’re running on a different operating system that wouldn’t be offensive.

If someone has no idea about neurodiversity and thinks it means someone is stupid 🙄, that’s where it gets upsetting.

autism is not a learning disability. Educate yourself. It is often co-morbid but absolutely not the same.

Wtf? I'm an autistic and would not be offended being asked if I was. It is not in any way shape or form comparable with being asked if you're stupid. Then I would be offended.

Autism is not a learning disability and is not a reflection on somebodies intelligence

I occasionally ask as it would impact my response to a person. I suspect I am Autistic and my children are diagnosed, I sometimes adjust the way I explain things or react when speaking to them and sometimes wish people would do the same for me. I wouldn't be offended by somebody asking

If a poster is coming across particularly direct and perhaps mistaken for being rude or other trait that is typically autistic and is asking for support on an event that sounds like they are autistic because they are taking a particularly viewpoint then why wouldn't that be relevent.

Being autistic is not a negative thing, but I absolutely change the way I talk to my autistic teen compared to a non autistic teen because that's what she needs.

As a social and communication disability knowing someone you are interacting with is autistic is useful. You aren't obligated to reply though.

I have an ASD diagnosis and I really don't feel it's comparable.

"Are you autistic" can be used as an insult, or a rhetorical way to criticise someone's behaviour, the way "Are you deaf" or "Are you blind" might be used, but when it's a genuine (if rather blunt) question, then it's not comparable at all IMO. It might not always be the most tactful or appropriate thing to say, but it's a question using current medical terminology that's perfectly plausible as a genuine inquiry, not an unequivocal insult like "Are you stupid".

Autism also isn't a learning disability.

Are you stupid?

Thank you, you put what i wanted to say into words a lot more eloquently (apologies to all for the badly written first comments i meant no harm at all with them and i dont really know much about autism obviously)

And I thought autism was a learning disability because i hear it effects how the brain works, can someone politely explain the difference to me?