‘Are you autistic?’ - AIBU?

[withintheworld]

I probably am but it surprises me how casually people ask this on here ‘are you ND / are you autistic?’ It always looks shockingly rude to me and am always taken aback when it is asked.

I am sure people will say I’m BU but I am interested to see if I’m the only one with this reaction!

It's incredibly rude because it's generally asked as a means of highlighting something "wrong" with you. People should really mind their business.

You think autistic people are stupid?

Offensive to autistic community

I'm autistic and would not be offended at all. I don't think many autistic people would be. We'd have no reason to be. It's nothing to be ashamed of and certainly nothing like being asked if you are stupid. What is offensive is someone comparing being stupid with being autistic!

I mean there isn't though is there?

I don't see why it's offensive but most of my family are asd / audhd and it's highly possibly I am too.

I think it's great that all these things are discussed more and we are able to improve so much for so many with reasonable adjustments.

OP I think you take some to time reflect on why you find it so offensive. What is your understanding of autism? You can still have empathy, close relationships, belly laughs - it's a massive spectrum that's not the negative stereotypes people tend to think of, non verbal, poo smearing, ticks, awkward, genius etc etc.

No no no. Are autistic people stupid? You clearly are if you think being called autistic is as insulting as being called stupid. Wow, your ignorance is astounding

I've always seen it as the op describes some behaviours or an outlook that could be linked to asd traits. So someone inevitably asks the question.

I've never seen it as an insult. More a checking out. I agree it's direct but people are typically more direct on here than in rl

I'm autistic and I've never read it as an offensive question. But I don't find autism offensive.

Some absolutely staggering ignorance on this thread. Fucking hell.

Anyway, to answer the OP, it absolutely is rude to ask someone that; not because there’s anything wrong with being autistic but because it’s none of anyone else’s business!

I think of all the places British people congregate online, MN is where I'd least expect to see people asking if someone's "got mental health". (Not sure what you're trying to do with the eye dialect thing )

And "added extra"? "Bag charm"? What are you on about? 🤣

MN is an anonymous online forum, which is going to attract people who enjoy socialising in a text-based medium, people who for various reasons end up getting a lot of their social interaction online, people who want to discuss things they might not want to talk about openly IRL, and people who want to find others with similar experiences which others around them may not share. So it would make sense that a disproportionate number of MNers would have ND conditions or children with ND conditions, or would be wanting to talk about mental health problems.

But yeah, mental illnesses and neurodevelopmental disorders are just sparkly trinkets to show off

It does get asked in real life though.

I am autistic but I've never felt the need to disclose this at work, but I have been asked in the past which is incredibly uncomfortable as I dislike untruths but I don't see why I should be backed into disclosing it.

People think it's funny. If I say something that I don't mean as a joke but somehow a NT takes it as funny, I'll get "you're so funny, so dry, are you sure you're not autistic" or something like that.

It's annoying.

I think it depends on context - if it’s semi accusatory as in “ why don’t you understand this” it can be offensive if it’s how can we better work together then no.

I'm ND but not (as far as I know) autistic, but for some reason I feel like I'd be more offended by the phrasing 'have you considered...' than simply being asked outright. But then, I am a big fan of direct communication as it's easier for me to understand.

I think it's alright to ask on here, as I feel like people behave differently on an anonymous online forum. It would be very rude to ask someone in real life , unless you knew them extremely well. The answer may well be none of the asker's business.

However, I think it is easier to share things on mumsnet that people can't discuss in real life.

Have you seen the scene in The It Crowd where Roy comes back from a date thinking she said he was ‘artistic’?

Ignorance eh? Who made you the arbiter of correct social etiquette?

Plenty of us who have stated that we have autism have said very clearly that we wouldn’t find such a direct question remotely rude.

Or have you decided on our behalf that we not entitled to hold that opinion? I’m fed up with NT people making up stupid rules to suit them. A lot of us much prefer online conversations and I think it’s about time that on social media platforms, we get to decide the rules for a change!

So when you determinedly accuse others of being ignorant, maybe it’s time you looked into a mirror!

Ds friends ask each other, "Are you autistic?!" when one does or says something that sounds weird. They're all autistic/have ADHD. It must be that thing where you're allowed to pick on yourself and people like you but others aren't because if I said it, I'd sound like a dick.

There are a lot of people with an Asperger's diagnosis, me included, it's not offensive.

Wow, it isn’t. Unless you think that one equals the other

That is exactly how this question is used in secondary school here. It’s very much used as an insult so is always rude - on more than one level.

Yes I think it is offensive to ask it in the same way you wouldn't bluntly ask anything personal about anyone. I think too many people throw the term around lightly for anyone who may be vaguely different or have a certain mannerism, forgetting that these are not necessarily indicators of autism. It's rude. Also, trauma can look like autistic traits etc etc.

Might be wrong, but I'm not sure @CowboyJoanna meant that being autistic is comparable to being stupid. I understood it to mean that the question "are you autistic?" is sometimes asked rudely on Mumsnet as if 'autistic', like 'stupid', is an insult.

I think it's thrown around on here almost as a bit of an insult - "you sound autistic" as if that completely debunks/ devalues what you are saying.

All of the armchair diagnosing does grate on me a bit. Everyone's an expert.

Why is it a negative thing? Why is it offensive????

So you're saying autism = stupid??? How fucking dare you????? Reported