Put your frikking babies to bed!

[Plsdiscuss]

I went for a very exclusive dinner Saturday night. I'd been looking forward to it for ages. £150 per head place, which is a huge splurge for us.

A family of 4 were seated next to us at their 7.45pm arrival. The (about) 3 yr old was 50% pacified. The (about) 9 month old in the high chair squawked for about 30 mins then fell asleep, looking very uncomfortable slumped over the side of the highchair.

If their noise wasn't bad enough, I could hear another child crying in another part of the restaurant for about an hour. That child's noise got louder as they were pushed in their pram crossing the restaurant to leave around 9pm. I commented and gestured to my partner. I wasn't as subtle as I thought in this, as the mum looked cross, waved her arm at me and mouthed fuck off.

When my now adult children were that small, they were in bed by 7.30, unless there was an event like a wedding. We got babysitters for evening meals out...very rare as very hard to get babysitters. I would never have dreamt of taking my under 5s to quiet intimate adult spots, then letting them cry for the majority. For 1, I wouldn't have enjoyed my food and 2, neither would those around me.

There's a reason deliveroo exists. Use it. And stop being so frikking selfish. Babies need sleep, not fine dining.

I'm fine with children who are parented.

I'm not fine with seeing a baby uncomfortably slumped over the side of a highchair for a good while or a child's squawking from the other side of the restaurant for ages. If a child is tired, they should be in bed, not a fine dining restaurant.

The fact that this place has had to put a notice on their website saying dogs aren't welcome says far more about the entitlement that is now evident in our society. Everyone used to know dogs weren't welcome in places where people eat food. It was a given that didn't need spelling out. I understand it's evolved.

It used to be a given that children weren't welcome in high end restaurants. I have no problem with this evolving too, but businesses really need to spell it out that "children are only welcome if accompanied by well behaved adults who parent them".

Those three children needed their beds. End of.

Would love to know how you can get a child to behave well in a restaurant but not get them to sleep. I had non sleepers too and generally their behaviour went downhill in the evenings as they were knackered.

YANBU.
Stay home if you're going to let your kids constantly cry in a restaurant and ruin others diners experience out.

Except 'working for their family, whilst disrupting everyone else' is what was happening.

This is exactly why more and more people are getting annoyed and upset about children.

Children who can't realistically be expected to be quiet shouldn't be in fine dining establishments, theatres, or anywhere else where being calm and quiet is expected.

Some parents need to realise that sometimes, compromise is not just within a family, it's outside as well. Did I take my 3 under 3 out for restaurant meals? Yes, but I went to family friendly places. Did I take them to the theatre? No, because I have realistic expectations of my small children and didn't think anyone would enjoy themselves.

YANBU OP.

Totally agree with you. Ds1 would not sit for long so when he was little I would only take him to family friendly places where he could play or sit and colour. Even then there's no way I would have expected customers to put up with crying or screaming. His little dsis was a different kettle of fish and would happily sit like an angel in a five star restaurant tucking into sushi or something!

I actually agree with you that a late evening restaurant dinner isn't the right place for children. I wouldn't take my young children (3 years, 15 months) to a restaurant. They'd be bored and I wouldn't enjoy it.
But making passive aggressive comments to your partner about them is also rubbish. I'm not surprised the mum mouthed at you to fuck off. At the end of the day, they're allowed in the restaurant too🤷🏼‍♀️ even if you don't agree.

Exactly.

I was pointing out to @Elphamouche that my life wasn't bullshit just because it was different to theirs 😁

YADNBU, it's infuriatingly entitled behaviour from these people, I appreciate other cultures are different, DS stayed up very late on European holidays but was always very well behaved and removed from the social situation until he was if not.

I don't understand how the fuck-off-mouthing mother couldn't justify it, she can't be enjoying her night out. Put the fucking kids to bed!

could* justify it not couldn't

🤣🤣🤣🤣

It wasn't passive aggressive at all. I was directly speaking to my partner!

ICan honestly say that if I was eating out somewhere in the evening at a restaurant that is quite expensive to the average income person ,it wouldn’t occur to me that people would bring their babies and toddlers.
I wouldn’t check their policy because the majority of people would assume that sensible parents would get a babysitter or go somewhere more child friendly.
My children were always in bed by 6.30 - 7pm until they were older. Children need their sleep!

Is your money more valuable than theirs? Pick a CHILDFREE restaurant next time , I agree with the mouthing mother

My 3 year old is well behaved in restaurants. We’ve been eating out since he was a baby and we’ve been out for many dinners where he happily sits on his seat without the need for toys or an iPad. Have been to many high end restaurants with him too and no fuss. When he was small, he did make a mess as he ate, and we happily cleaned up after him.

My 6 month old…well time will tell!

It wasn't passive aggressive at all. I was directly speaking to my partner!

In a voice loud enough for the mother to hear!

I fucking hate loud bellowing diners when I'm enjoying a meal.

Each to their own!

So if you weren’t passive aggressive, you must have been loud enough then for her to realise what you said…

You know the ones @Plsdiscuss that think you're interested in their inane whinging and moaning.

So boring!

Bedtime is a red herring. If you're going to take your kids out for meals in an upscale place where people are likely to have multiple courses and be sitting for a long time, and paying a lot of money for it, then it's common courtesy to make sure your kids behave / book times you know fit in with them so they won't be tired and cranky / have just one course if necessary so they won't be bored. The 'kids have as much right to be there as you' - everyone has rights e.g. the staff have rights to not have to clear up unreasonable mess made by kids, other diners have rights to not have their meal ruined by kids screaming.

I don't mind eating in places with kids, but if they're screaming or have bad behaviour such as running around, and the parents aren't making any effort to stop this (eg take them outside between courses so they don't get too figety) then that's shit.

Sometimes in the summer I see parents with young toddlers leaving restaurants or going home on the bus at 10pm+. They are probably on holiday but staying up late is only a treat if you are old enough to understand it. Otherwise you’re just being prevented from going to bed.

why is everyone commenting on children's bedtime? there is no one hard rule on when it should be...the issue here is children being loud , rather than simply present, isn't it?

One of my kids was very well behaved in restaurants, would happily sit and colour / chat and eat bits of adult food. We'd normally limit to two courses before they started getting too bored. But still went out. My other child is a bit different, hardly eats and gets really fidgety. So we avoid places where that might be an issue. I'd take them somewhere with a play area for instance. But not fine dining, as much as I love that kind of food and miss going, I would be so embarrassed to ruin other people's dinners for something entirely avoidable

The (potty) mouthing mother behaved as though her money was more valuable than everyone else's. As though having paid for two adult meals and maybe a child's meal entitled her to ruin the experience of the other people around her who had collectively spent a lot more than she had. (Especially if they had also paid for babysitters for their own children.)

Well mine are evil at that time of night so it wouldn’t be for me to do just yet but we went to Mallorca last year and ate in plenty of high end restaurants where there were buggies and young kids out with their parents past 10pm. It was really enjoyable and I wish we were a bit more like that here.

Would you be equally annoyed if the disturbance was caused by noise loud adults? I suspect you would, and there are far more of those than kids in fine restaurants.
Your dinner was ruined, I know you are gutted, that's understandable, however the extra parenting advice given is over the top in my opinion.

I am team going to bed at 7.30 is a pile of crap BTW. Millions of children around the world go to sleep later than that and make a successful adulthood.

But dogs are welcome in some places that serve food? Some venues are fine with it.

Things you don’t like aren’t ’entitlement’.

I’ve seen children in high end restaurants since I was a child being taken to them myself, thirty odd years ago.

Disrupting other diners through screaming isn’t on, but it seems very odd to me to ban children from eating a meal with their parents.