Put your frikking babies to bed!

[Plsdiscuss]

I went for a very exclusive dinner Saturday night. I'd been looking forward to it for ages. £150 per head place, which is a huge splurge for us.

A family of 4 were seated next to us at their 7.45pm arrival. The (about) 3 yr old was 50% pacified. The (about) 9 month old in the high chair squawked for about 30 mins then fell asleep, looking very uncomfortable slumped over the side of the highchair.

If their noise wasn't bad enough, I could hear another child crying in another part of the restaurant for about an hour. That child's noise got louder as they were pushed in their pram crossing the restaurant to leave around 9pm. I commented and gestured to my partner. I wasn't as subtle as I thought in this, as the mum looked cross, waved her arm at me and mouthed fuck off.

When my now adult children were that small, they were in bed by 7.30, unless there was an event like a wedding. We got babysitters for evening meals out...very rare as very hard to get babysitters. I would never have dreamt of taking my under 5s to quiet intimate adult spots, then letting them cry for the majority. For 1, I wouldn't have enjoyed my food and 2, neither would those around me.

There's a reason deliveroo exists. Use it. And stop being so frikking selfish. Babies need sleep, not fine dining.

So simple don't book where families go. You chose to spend a lot how other folks eat out isn't your matter you take the chance when you go out that it won't go the way you want children or no children. You can hire your own private chef to your own house is available to you

I can’t help think there are people who are cross just at the presence of kids regardless of behaviour and that is unreasonable. It sounds like you are one of those people from the tone of your overall post and I suspect you were listening out for kids being disturbing in any way and fuming vs just getting on with enjoying your meal.
Short of them having a screaming meltdown I don’t generally find small kids any more disruptive/annoying that adults who talk & laugh loudly, which you do also encounter at more expensive restaurants.
Many people won’t take kids to such places as it’s seen as a special treat but would think nothing of taking them to a chain place or a small family Italian or similar that could equally be the special treat destination for someone with less money. I think in the end if somewhere isn’t adult only you have to expect there might be kids there & if that bothers you book somewhere else. If enough people care then am sure places will change their policy but I don’t think anyone is particularly reasonable saying they paid a lot (to them) so that should buy them a child free experience. Same thought on business class flights, nice hotels etc.
I heard someone suggest our kids shouldn’t be in the pool at the hotel this weekend as it spoiled the vibe. Didn’t actually tell them to fuck off but I did think it, particularly as all the kids were doing was swimming under each others legs and practicing forward rolls in the water. I chose to just ignore them and quietly decided if the kids started being disruptive I might give it 5 minutes before I bothered intervening.

I went out for meals with my parents when my son was a baby. YABU

It seems adults aren’t allowed child free time or child free places.

Many restaurants don’t allow kids. Or don’t allow kids after a certain time. And that’s their prerogative; it’s their business. But the restaurant the OP chose clearly wasn’t one of those and was happy to allow children (and had a high chair for said purpose). That’s also up to them and how they want to run their business!

I agree. So many people are so self centred. It’s like ‘I want this, so I will do this’. People have no consideration for anyone else who happens to be around them. I don’t want to listen to your music or phone call on a train or listen to a toddler cry at an 8pm dinner in an expensive restaurant. You see it on here all the time, the CF threads are full of that attitude. The knock on effect is people are angrier, ruder and generally more unpleasant.

The last thing the stressed mum whose baby was crying needed was your judgement. Her response was well deserved. You have no idea of the circumstances.

And the restaurants were fancy.

I find the simplest way to check if children are catered for is to ask when you call to book, or check the menus when you book online.
You may well have been annoyed by children but you had zero right to be loud and obnoxious about it. To me your behaviour is far worse than a parent not removing a crying child from a restaurant that caters for children.

The circumstances were that OP could hear her baby crying for an hour from a different part of the restaurant.

Would you really have kept a crying baby in a restaurant for an hour?

For an exclusive venue then I can kind of see your point

Do exclusive venues accept bookings for children and provide high chairs if they don't want that custom?

There is nothing self centred about taking children to a restaurant that allows children though! If the op wants child free then go out later or to a child free restaurant.
Now I wouldn't let my children disturb other diners - I would bring colouring in and take the toddler out if she got grumpy etc, but it’s not entitled taking them there. It’s in fact perfectly normal to go out for dinner as a family, at dinner time.

The responses on this thread are nuts.
The OP isn’t saying (as far as I can make out) that there should be a blanket ban on kids in restaurants, but in this case the children were clearly tired, loud, shouty, sleepy. When they are like that then take them home! They are not comfortable and likely knackered at a late time.
I have a 5 year old, and when he was 3 we were on a uk break and in a pub having food and he was playing up, and we knew he’d get loud and shouts as it was getting on (about 6ish) so my husband ate his food quick and took him for a quick walk in his buggy. No one else should have to listen to a baby/child screaming when they’re out paying for a nice meal.

YANBU. I have a toddler and it would be very unfair on her to drag her to a restaurant well beyond her bedtime.

Have taken my kid to restaurants both cheap and expensive since she was a baby.

she is a wonderful dinner guest now as a pre teen, having learned and practised all the required skills throughout childhood.

there will definitely have been occasions where she had cried or dropped crayons, or decided she was tired and fallen asleep on her chair…. As she’s a child.

you are being completely unreasonable.
perhaps you should get deliveroo since the existence of other human beings seems to irritate you so much

Personally I've no issue with children being there if they're behaving. I wouldn't do it because mine wouldn't behave at that hour because they'd be tired and I'd find it all to stressful.

The point is that these DC weren't behaving. The baby at the other side of the room cried for an hour, the baby beside OP fell asleep in the highchair (not even a buggy! How is that fair to the poor little thing) and the 3yo was calm half the time - anyone who's had a 3yo can imagine what that other half looked like!

Great, glad to hear it. But the babies that feature in OPs post clearly weren't happy on a later dinner.

I can understand family friendly restaurants and lunches. But a high end restaurant in the evening? Why should I pay for a babysitter and get dressed up and spend a considerable amount of money to have to sit next to someone else's child all evening.

Read this again

”Put your frikking babies to bed!”
^^
“When my now adult children were that small, they were in bed by 7.30, unless there was an event like a wedding. We got babysitters for evening meals out...very rare as very hard to get babysitters.”
^^
”There's a reason deliveroo exists. Use it. And stop being so frikking selfish. Babies need sleep, not fine dining.”

All from the OP and what suggests the OP thinks kids just shouldn’t be there at all 🤷🏼‍♀️

I am torn on this one. Yes there should be no crying children in restaurants at night, not fair on the kids or anyone else. However the place you were in was clearly not the adult only intimate dining experience that you thought it was, so people were perfectly entitled to bring their dc, selfish though it may be. Also I think commenting and gesturing about the woman as she went by was rude, she was leaving with the crying child after all.

Absolutely. It amazes me that some adults think they're entitled to expect a private business to accommodate their preference. You're allowed whatever the sector provides, and their only obligation is to act lawfully.

If the venue thinks people who want to bring their kids out are a more attractive group of clientele than people who want a childfree space, tough fucking tits. That's capitalism. And before anyone asks, yes the same is true in reverse.

I'm not, I like going to family places. But what I don't like is seeing tired and upset children who should be in bed but are being kept up late for the convenience of their parents.

No problem with them being there, but they should not impact other diners. If they are then you remove them. Unless you are in a fast food place.

I took my 8 year old out last week. Admittedly a hungry horse pub not fine dining but the drunk adults at the next table were far more disruptive with their shrieking and yelling. DS just sat and ate his dinner.

Agreed - we probably would have cancelled unless we had nothing in/defrosted to eat!

And that's great. You've clearly taught him how to behave properly in a dining situation. He's also 8, and likely able to behave better due to his age than the three year old mentioned in the OP.

That's also absolutely not what people are talking about.