Put your frikking babies to bed!

[Plsdiscuss]

I went for a very exclusive dinner Saturday night. I'd been looking forward to it for ages. £150 per head place, which is a huge splurge for us.

A family of 4 were seated next to us at their 7.45pm arrival. The (about) 3 yr old was 50% pacified. The (about) 9 month old in the high chair squawked for about 30 mins then fell asleep, looking very uncomfortable slumped over the side of the highchair.

If their noise wasn't bad enough, I could hear another child crying in another part of the restaurant for about an hour. That child's noise got louder as they were pushed in their pram crossing the restaurant to leave around 9pm. I commented and gestured to my partner. I wasn't as subtle as I thought in this, as the mum looked cross, waved her arm at me and mouthed fuck off.

When my now adult children were that small, they were in bed by 7.30, unless there was an event like a wedding. We got babysitters for evening meals out...very rare as very hard to get babysitters. I would never have dreamt of taking my under 5s to quiet intimate adult spots, then letting them cry for the majority. For 1, I wouldn't have enjoyed my food and 2, neither would those around me.

There's a reason deliveroo exists. Use it. And stop being so frikking selfish. Babies need sleep, not fine dining.

And I'd say it is only fair to judge the parents here in making a selfish decision when their children's lack of coping impacted other peoples enjoyment.

For those people asking how children are to learn if they’ve only been to places like a Toby Carvery.

Listen up. This might be complicated for you but bear with me:

When you take your child out to eat at a Toby Carvery or indeed any other family eatery, start teaching them how to behave, obviously at an age appropriate level.

When they can behave at the Toby Carvery, consider going somewhere posher.

‘From their behaviour’, lol were you there?

Even if its not normal for them, my point I was making to the pp was that 7.45 may not be a normal meal time for her children but it is for others. Not everyone follows the same strict routine.

This 100 fold.

I'll add "at an appropriate time of day when they're awake and teachable, not when they're overtired"

Yes. It couldn't be more relevant to what OP wrote, which is 'are children the next expected message businesses need to be clear on'. She mentioned that they specify no dogs.

If a restaurant provides highchairs, they're clearly facilitating the presence of small children at any time they choose to offer them. That's very obvious.

They're allowed to make that decision, and it doesn't matter whether anyone else thinks its reasonable. People who don't agree can do what they like when they run their own restaurant, and until then they can vote with their feet and go elsewhere.

If the restaurants policies aren't working, they will either change them or they'll eventually go under. But until then, it's very entitled to imagine a restaurant is being unreasonable if it doesn't happen to cater to your view on what clientele they want to accommodate and when.

It must have been a family friendly place to have several small children. Also, you don't know everyone's personal circumstances so your judgement is also unreasonable. A very big YABVU from me.

As much as I love kids, I also wouldn't want screaming children and babies around me whilst trying to enjoy a nice meal as well, if I'd paid a lot to do so.

Some people really feel entitled that the rest of the world has to endure their children and noise. I wouldn't mind so much in family friendly places, you expect it there.

I have a 2 year old and I am 100% on your side OP. The way I avoid this is that I explain when making the reservation that it's a rare child free night for me and my DH so we'd really appreciate being seated in a quiet area.

I couldn’t think of anything worse! Dinner at that time plus tired child, yeah no thanks. My dinner with baby now is between 4 and 6pm latest if on the odd occasion we do go out. When I go to dinner with my friends ( without child) 8pm now sounds late for me! I’m ready for bed by then! :)

I don't actually think you are being unreasonable OP in that if I went to a restaurant that expensive, I would expect any children there to be well behaved and their parents to remind them if not .

I do actually think it's good for children to be taken out occasionally to somewhere which requires everyone sitting around the table (rather than expecting to run off to a playground) but this needs to be at an age where they can properly understand expectations, and at a time when they are not likely to becoming winey due to tiredness.

Until they are that age, there are plenty of other options - particular child friendly restaurants with activities for children, or even just a pub meal at a quiet time (normally mid-afternoon) which is what we used to do.

I've taken my kids everywhere at all ages, since due to circumstances, there was rarely the option of babysitting. Of course, I'm another type of awful parent who issued them with their headphones and ipad as soon as we sat down, so that they didn't fuss and I could enjoy my meal.

When they were under 1, they either slept, or were handed around the table/sat on my lap, but mine have always been interested in what's going on around them, and at that age didn't have a bedtime.

So the issue is the crying really.. I'm surprised parents can't just tune that out. I can (unless it's my own, or really distressed)

@Plsdiscuss Well as you can see from the responses, there are a few parents on here who don't care whether their children inconvenience others.

If I were you I would be tempted to contact the restaurant and say your otherwise lovely meal was rather spoiled by the presence of screaming toddlers, and ask them whether they have a cut off point after which children are no longer welcome.

If these entitled parents can't read the fucking room and take the hint that their fellow diners don't find their little darlings as adorable as they do, perhaps all those of us who think a classy restaurant at 8pm should be a toddler free zone need to start communicating that to business owners.

Wow.

No, other diners can't "just tune out" a screaming toddler in a nice restaurant, and neither should they have to.

Are you for real?

Bonkers, ignorant and entitled parenting.

@Marinade agree!
which even now I am trying to be mindful as a parent of other people around me!

And aside from the fact that no one should have to tune out a crying baby or toddler when in any restaurant at any time of day - I'm much less able to tune it out now I'm a parent. It sets me on edge because it triggers that innate reaction that a baby is crying and I need to fix it - because usually it's my baby crying.

10 year olds in bed at 8pm on a sat night 😳🤣.

That does sound annoying OP, I’m all for kids being out but they need to behave, a parent should have taken the noisy one outside.

These posters who don’t take children out after 6pm what do you do on hols …. I’ve read on here about sitting in the dark all evening. I’d rather be at home.

YABU. How rude of you. If you go to a restaurant you can't expect it to be just how you want it to be. Try to be a more positive person, you will feel so much better about life. Nobody needs sneering "frikking" judgemental people in restaurants who are pointing at people who have annoyed them. You sound rude and with poor manners. Just stay at home if others presence bother you so much and you can't control yourself. What were you trying to accomplish by pointing the family out? The price point of the restaurant won't make a difference. To you a very special treat, for others not so much. We lived abroad when our DC were younger. People would go out at all times of the evening and kids came along with their parents. It was really lovely and inclusive.

Batshit crazy responses on this thread. Nobody wants an evening spoilt by other people’s children (and I say this as a father myself).
Many venues will absolutely avoid labelling an event as “adults only” because people get offended by everything (as evidenced by a large number of posters on this thread).

Why should I have to stay at home?
children are part of our society.
go to a child free venue.

In my case, as a mother of toddlers, if I am out for dinner at a nice restaurant at 8pm it's a once in a blue moon thing, my kids are at home with their dad or a babysitter, and I am enjoying some very rare kid free downtime so I'm even more likely to be annoyed by someone else's kids than I would have been before I had kids of my own.

Is it??? We eat dinner at 6pm. Mind you we call it tea. I feel there's some class /regional differences going on here ;-)

Also I run a lot and tend to do so very early in the morning, can't imagine trying to do that with last night's dinner still percolating, yeuch. You late diners must eat breakfast at my lunchtime!

The more people take this attitude, the more nice places will have to actually ban kids.

Agree. Why would you take kids to a posh restaurant?
I expect to see kids at chain places or Italians etc but not somewhere it’s £150ph.