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Put your frikking babies to bed!

1000 replies

Plsdiscuss · 07/05/2024 08:28

I went for a very exclusive dinner Saturday night. I'd been looking forward to it for ages. £150 per head place, which is a huge splurge for us.

A family of 4 were seated next to us at their 7.45pm arrival. The (about) 3 yr old was 50% pacified. The (about) 9 month old in the high chair squawked for about 30 mins then fell asleep, looking very uncomfortable slumped over the side of the highchair.

If their noise wasn't bad enough, I could hear another child crying in another part of the restaurant for about an hour. That child's noise got louder as they were pushed in their pram crossing the restaurant to leave around 9pm. I commented and gestured to my partner. I wasn't as subtle as I thought in this, as the mum looked cross, waved her arm at me and mouthed fuck off.

When my now adult children were that small, they were in bed by 7.30, unless there was an event like a wedding. We got babysitters for evening meals out...very rare as very hard to get babysitters. I would never have dreamt of taking my under 5s to quiet intimate adult spots, then letting them cry for the majority. For 1, I wouldn't have enjoyed my food and 2, neither would those around me.

There's a reason deliveroo exists. Use it. And stop being so frikking selfish. Babies need sleep, not fine dining.

OP posts:
EverythingYouDoIsaBalloon · 07/05/2024 21:31

ASimpleLampoon · 07/05/2024 17:56

When I was still child free I sat next to a mum with a toddler and a baby. I watched the baby while she took the toddler to the toilet and even carried the baby down the steps after the flight. She was so appreciative and I'm so glad it was me sitting next to her and not some vinegar tits.

Really? Shaming women as 'vinegar tits' if they don't happen to want to interact with someone else's baby?

This thread is misogyny central in places.

EverythingYouDoIsaBalloon · 07/05/2024 21:32

earther · 07/05/2024 21:30

You sound stuck up.

Stuck up for wanting a quiet meal out? Blimey.

Lookingoutside · 07/05/2024 21:34

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EverythingYouDoIsaBalloon · 07/05/2024 21:34

RedToothBrush · 07/05/2024 15:55

Fucking hell. What a shit depressing life!

Newsflash: when you have children sometimes you can't do everything you want to do.

JSMill · 07/05/2024 21:36

Plsdiscuss · 07/05/2024 21:28

Apologies for the length and disjointed nature of my post, but there's many posts since I last read the thread:

I didn't "waste a decade" with early nights when my kids were little @user0224 I got babysitters when I could, or went out with friends while dad stayed in, or got takeaways, or did our family meals out at lunch time. It's not rocket science. It's being considerate of your child's needs and being a member of the wider society.

I'm regretting not telling parents to parent better on Saturday @MissScarletInTheBallroom

@Robinni🤦

If you can afford £150 per head, you can afford a babysitter for the night.

Why does their "one off" trump my long desired and waited for night out @BeeDavis ? How about my circumstances @anicecuppateaa @Brainded @Cruzey ? How do you know this wasn't a one off for me? My first night out in over a year? Or other diners in the restaurant?

@bloodyplumbing I'd been looking forward to my meal out for so long, there's no way 4 feckless parents were going to ruin it. I enjoyed the meal AND got frustrated with CF parents not parenting. Both happened together 😉

@SweetcornFritter Thank you for being considerate to those around you. I get you were hungry. I hope you managed to get a decent JustEat.

People can put their children to bed anytime they want. I don't care. Just don't bring them to a fine dining restaurant for their wind down before bed time. It's really simple.

I didn't think I'd have to check if my restaurant was child free either @Mt563 Seems I'm in the wrong there. I wish you luck as you run the gauntlet of your exclusive well earned treat🤞

I disagree a highchair means a restaurant wants to welcome children at 7.45. All Bar One cited above has highchairs at lunch, but it seems they have a policy to ban children later in the evening.

Of course, if they are screaming or crying we would take them outside until calm
There's the difference @pepperminticecream You crack on with doing you and yours, until it impacts on me and mine. These parents let the crying continue. Then it's not ok. And I will judge and talk to my partner about their feckless choices. Please read posts before commenting.

Those of you who have restaurants that specify child timings are in the minority imo. I've had a look and there's none near me. "Adults only restaurants" in Google gets me a very salubrious, erm, club, over an hour's drive away.

There may have been other children in the restaurant. I don't know, as I wasn't looking. The point is that if there were, their parents made sure the other diners weren't disturbed by them. Lots of you seem to be missing that point. Or the point that if you're a parent, your child's needs must come first. Leaving them slumped uncomfortably sleeping in a highchair, or having them communicating to you by screeching next to you, trying to show you they don't want to be there, so that YOU can have your fine dining experience is selfish to the core.

@Engaea That sweary mum significantly embarrassed herself. It made us giggle. I'm sad I missed @ttcat37 's posts. They also look quite embarrassing for them.

I am in full agreement @grumpynan .

We had an empty restaurant to ourselves three years ago @chaosmaker. Hell on earth. 6 members of staff for us 2 diners. The sommelier wanted to speak to us all night. Butted in on our conversations constantly. That was an awful experience. Be careful what you wish for!

I haven't forgotten what it's like to have young children @earther @JennyBeanR If one of my children decided to cry and scream when eating in a restaurant, whether McDonalds or high end, I know I chose to respect other diners when eating and to put my child's needs above mine. I wouldn't leave them crying for over an hour or slumped over the side of a highchair. I'd have least put that child on my lap to give them more comfort in their sleep and eaten one handed. It's what any parent should do. I loved dining out with my children when they were little... At the right time and the right place. Not disturbing others. That's the difference.

@loulo6098. That's completely the issue. A child who is fussing/tired to that extent is a child who needs to not be in a fine dining restaurant.

Becoming a parent means life changes. If you don't accept that, then I'm absolutely going to judge your parenting.

Those saying that "it's not like that on the continent"...I don't care. I'm not on the continent (with their longer evenings, their longer siestas and their warmer nights)

Point taken by those who are rightly saying the meal cost or location shouldn't make a difference. My children got the same treatment wherever we were when they were little. I stupidly expect other parents to care for their children and respect other diners like I used to when my children became squawky in a restaurant. Seems that's now more fool me. So many more selfish parents these days.

I've now rung this restaurant to enquire as to their policy. The staff member said it's not really a child place in the evening, but sometimes they have them. I told the staff member they need to decide if they do have them or not before I would make a booking. So they don't have a policy. I'd suggest they're relying on parental common sense. Which is dangerous, as one person's normal is another person's crazy.

I love wetherspoons for their national dog policy. All dogs are banned as the less well behaved ones ruin it for others. It seems like we're now getting to a point where businesses have to blanket decide if children are allowed in an establishment or not as the parents lacking common sense are ruining things for their other diners.

Fantastic post!!

Aberdeenusername · 07/05/2024 21:38

Totally agree OP. What I don’t understand is all these parents saying their toddlers don’t go to bed until 9 or later at night. That’s just selfish. Every peace of research done on children’s sleep at that age is 7:30 at the latest. It’s only for a few years and it’s for the good of their health!

EverythingYouDoIsaBalloon · 07/05/2024 21:44

What's really jumping out at me in the posts from the 'I'll take my kids where I like when I like and the rest of you can F off' brigade is the apparent lack of consideration of whether being out so late in the evening (in child terms) is actually the best thing for the child or not. Sounds a lot more like 'I want a meal out so I'm dragging my kid with me regardless of whether that's fair on my kid' to me.

No wonder the poor kids are playing up, if it's mid-evening or later they should be at home in bed.

WittyBird · 07/05/2024 21:45

My (neuro-divergent) child is a night owl like me.

Never in bed before midnight till she started school. Slept till lunchtime. Hasn’t ever been in bed at 7pm or 7:30pm (nor up at 4/5/6am unless ill).

DH worked away 6 days a week and I had no family nearby. Friends worked so evenings were when DD and I socialised. She was very well behaved and often passed round the restaurant because other diners thought she was adorable.

Guess we live on different planets. Mine is probably more interesting.

Anonymous2025 · 07/05/2024 21:45

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CarryOnCharon · 07/05/2024 21:46

WittyBird · 07/05/2024 21:45

My (neuro-divergent) child is a night owl like me.

Never in bed before midnight till she started school. Slept till lunchtime. Hasn’t ever been in bed at 7pm or 7:30pm (nor up at 4/5/6am unless ill).

DH worked away 6 days a week and I had no family nearby. Friends worked so evenings were when DD and I socialised. She was very well behaved and often passed round the restaurant because other diners thought she was adorable.

Guess we live on different planets. Mine is probably more interesting.

The very last thing I’d like in a fancy dinner night out is someone else’s child being passed round for me to coo over 🙈

RobBeckettsGiantTeeth · 07/05/2024 21:47

EverythingYouDoIsaBalloon · 07/05/2024 21:44

What's really jumping out at me in the posts from the 'I'll take my kids where I like when I like and the rest of you can F off' brigade is the apparent lack of consideration of whether being out so late in the evening (in child terms) is actually the best thing for the child or not. Sounds a lot more like 'I want a meal out so I'm dragging my kid with me regardless of whether that's fair on my kid' to me.

No wonder the poor kids are playing up, if it's mid-evening or later they should be at home in bed.

Probably not educated enough to understand the concept of child development, to be fair.

EverythingYouDoIsaBalloon · 07/05/2024 21:47

WittyBird · 07/05/2024 21:45

My (neuro-divergent) child is a night owl like me.

Never in bed before midnight till she started school. Slept till lunchtime. Hasn’t ever been in bed at 7pm or 7:30pm (nor up at 4/5/6am unless ill).

DH worked away 6 days a week and I had no family nearby. Friends worked so evenings were when DD and I socialised. She was very well behaved and often passed round the restaurant because other diners thought she was adorable.

Guess we live on different planets. Mine is probably more interesting.

That's different though. Presumably she was behaving well because, as a night owl, she wasn't overtired in the way a non-night-owl child would be. (I have a sleep disorder so I do get the night owl argument btw.)

WittyBird · 07/05/2024 21:48

CarryOnCharon · 07/05/2024 21:46

The very last thing I’d like in a fancy dinner night out is someone else’s child being passed round for me to coo over 🙈

They asked to have her.

I come from a friendly place. :)

WittyBird · 07/05/2024 21:49

Aberdeenusername · 07/05/2024 21:38

Totally agree OP. What I don’t understand is all these parents saying their toddlers don’t go to bed until 9 or later at night. That’s just selfish. Every peace of research done on children’s sleep at that age is 7:30 at the latest. It’s only for a few years and it’s for the good of their health!

Do share this research. Everything I’ve ever read has confirmed that quantity and quality of sleep is key. The timing doesn’t matter a bit.

CarryOnCharon · 07/05/2024 21:49

WittyBird · 07/05/2024 21:48

They asked to have her.

I come from a friendly place. :)

Deluded

Plsdiscuss · 07/05/2024 21:49

LimeandCourgette · 07/05/2024 17:53

I'm wondering the same thing. The pub in St Albans that banned children made national news last month, so is it that common?

Interesting that you've brought that up!

We were in that pub a few days before their sign hit the national news. It took the first part of our discussion. Our discussion headed towards us preferring well behaved children to dogs. We left when a "well behaved dog" snuffled under the table, then snuffled in my groin. I shrieked in shock. The pub manager refused to acknowledge the dog was not well behaved. The dog owner laughed it off. We left and aren't going back.

If you know the city, we also don't go in The Blacksmiths anymore at the weekend, as it's full of screaming bottomless brunch women. It's advertised as such, so we know the rules and choose to avoid.

It's a brave business that advertises children are only welcome with well behaved parents. I would welcome more places advertising they are adult only after 7.30pm.

OP posts:
EverythingYouDoIsaBalloon · 07/05/2024 21:50

WittyBird · 07/05/2024 21:48

They asked to have her.

I come from a friendly place. :)

If someone doesn't particularly want to interact with a stranger's child on a night out that does not make them unfriendly.

Seaside3 · 07/05/2024 21:50

Me too @CarryOnCharon . I'd be polite and hold the child, but if it was a child free night for me, eating out, I'd be annoyed. I'd happily spend time at the persons home (I do with a single mum friend), but not if I'm paying money and wanting time with my adult friends.

BettyBardMacDonald · 07/05/2024 21:51

I think you nailed it, @RobBeckettsGiantTeeth

WittyBird · 07/05/2024 21:52

EverythingYouDoIsaBalloon · 07/05/2024 21:50

If someone doesn't particularly want to interact with a stranger's child on a night out that does not make them unfriendly.

To be clear, I wasn’t offering DD up for interaction: people would come over to see her and she’d inevitably end up roaming around the place being entertained by other adults. Nobody was forced to interact with her.

(she was walking at 9 months so relatively unusual being so little but so forward.)

Cerealkiller4U · 07/05/2024 21:53

Plsdiscuss · 07/05/2024 08:28

I went for a very exclusive dinner Saturday night. I'd been looking forward to it for ages. £150 per head place, which is a huge splurge for us.

A family of 4 were seated next to us at their 7.45pm arrival. The (about) 3 yr old was 50% pacified. The (about) 9 month old in the high chair squawked for about 30 mins then fell asleep, looking very uncomfortable slumped over the side of the highchair.

If their noise wasn't bad enough, I could hear another child crying in another part of the restaurant for about an hour. That child's noise got louder as they were pushed in their pram crossing the restaurant to leave around 9pm. I commented and gestured to my partner. I wasn't as subtle as I thought in this, as the mum looked cross, waved her arm at me and mouthed fuck off.

When my now adult children were that small, they were in bed by 7.30, unless there was an event like a wedding. We got babysitters for evening meals out...very rare as very hard to get babysitters. I would never have dreamt of taking my under 5s to quiet intimate adult spots, then letting them cry for the majority. For 1, I wouldn't have enjoyed my food and 2, neither would those around me.

There's a reason deliveroo exists. Use it. And stop being so frikking selfish. Babies need sleep, not fine dining.

I mean….I went to a 3 Michelin star restaurant. Was about £350 per head.

fanily next to me with really young kids. Who actually behaved impeccably….all I remember thinking was ‘wow….big family, must of cost a fortune!’

rhats it….I didn’t take my kids there but had no issue with anyone else doing it.

Headinthesand21 · 07/05/2024 21:53

Luxell934 · 07/05/2024 08:34

I wasn't as subtle as I thought in this, as the mum looked cross, waved her arm at me and mouthed fuck off.

Perfect response!

No, rude, unnecessary and a very poor example to the children present

Teebles007 · 07/05/2024 21:54

YANBU
Not fair on children to be expected to behave in a restaurant during the evening when they are likely to be tired and should be in bed.
It is reasonable for adults to go out at night to a restaurant for adult only time not interrupted by other people's children.

Timeturnerplease · 07/05/2024 21:55

I don’t care at all about which adult was ‘right’ or not in this situation. I just feel sorry for the poor, overwhelmed baby that fell asleep uncomfortably in the high chair. Regardless of your need for a nice meal out, your top priority should always be comforting your upset child.

Plsdiscuss · 07/05/2024 21:57

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You've called me self absorbed and selfish because I agree with the excellent policy of a national pub chain that serves food and drink banning dogs in every one of their outlets, including their gardens and car parks?

I think your reply says far more about you than mine does about me.

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