Put your frikking babies to bed!

[Plsdiscuss]

I went for a very exclusive dinner Saturday night. I'd been looking forward to it for ages. £150 per head place, which is a huge splurge for us.

A family of 4 were seated next to us at their 7.45pm arrival. The (about) 3 yr old was 50% pacified. The (about) 9 month old in the high chair squawked for about 30 mins then fell asleep, looking very uncomfortable slumped over the side of the highchair.

If their noise wasn't bad enough, I could hear another child crying in another part of the restaurant for about an hour. That child's noise got louder as they were pushed in their pram crossing the restaurant to leave around 9pm. I commented and gestured to my partner. I wasn't as subtle as I thought in this, as the mum looked cross, waved her arm at me and mouthed fuck off.

When my now adult children were that small, they were in bed by 7.30, unless there was an event like a wedding. We got babysitters for evening meals out...very rare as very hard to get babysitters. I would never have dreamt of taking my under 5s to quiet intimate adult spots, then letting them cry for the majority. For 1, I wouldn't have enjoyed my food and 2, neither would those around me.

There's a reason deliveroo exists. Use it. And stop being so frikking selfish. Babies need sleep, not fine dining.

If your children needed to be in bed by 7 and managed this every night then great, however this is not the only way.

YANBU for wanting a nice relaxing meal out with your husband

YABU for thinking you can decide for others when is a reasonable time that they put their children to bed, as long as they are getting enough sleep, children are happy and it fits with parents routine it’s not really your place to say ‘put your frikkin babies to bed’ judgemental and not of your business.

YABU to nudge and gesture at a fellow diner, how rude of you.

Oh, 100%, I agree. That's what I was trying to say.

Yes, you have to practice restaurant behaviour somewhere and you probably shouldn't take them for their first restaurant experience to somewhere quiet and intimate, but even in a Wetherspoons or somewhere else family-friendly, if they're not behaving - LEAVE. That should apply to anywhere.

Family-friendly shouldn't mean "free for all for your kids to behave however they like", but unfortunately it does seem to to some folks.

I am very glad the mum stood up to you and wasn't upset by your judgy (and childish) attitude.

So you let your kids spoil everyone else's meal?

The mother should have been ashamed of herself.

Of course you’re in the right OP.
I’m a massive foodie and as a family we’ve always been fortunate enough to eat out several times a week, including when the DCs were little. But I would never have taken very young children to high end restaurants on an evening - not only is it a waste, there are many more suitable places for them to learn how to behave. Neither have we ever used children’s menus. Nor would I disrespect the staff or restaurant owners.
From 6/7yrs they were reliably well-behaved and could be taken anywhere if I felt like it.

People who do otherwise probably have a rather naff point to prove.
The replies here expecting other people to tolerate their bored children in unsuitable spaces are probably exactly the same people who blame teachers for their badly behaved offspring. A weird sense of entitlement and no actual ability to understand or set boundaries.

So it’s acceptable for a mother pushing a pram to mouth F Off across a dining room full of people enjoying a nice quiet dinner.
Any reasonable person would find that language offensive.
As for the OP being childish, no she was passing a legitimate comment, hardly being judgy @StealthIguana you obviously have no understanding of good manners.

Restaurant is not disbarring infants with adults, so they clearly don’t think it impacts upon customers or ambience

A mother (on her way out of the restaurant) with a whingey baby would likely be preoccupied, if she's clocked OP, OP was likely making a tit of herself. Tutting and gesturing is rude, the woman was leaving, what was the point of sticking the knife in? But nothing annoys me more than being placed next to moaning myrtle performance whinging when I'm trying to enjoy a meal out. Yes babies should be removed when they are not happy, but adults that can't behave themselves are much more irritating in my opinion.

There isn’t a ‘right’ to a quiet meal- you pick your restaurant and take your chances.

Exactly. Which is why the OP picked an upscale restaurant at a later time and not Maccy D's. No one should be disturbed by screaming children (or adults).

Here is an example of an adults only restaurant near me, they surely exist everywhere?
https://thewhippetinn.co.uk/just-for-grown-ups/

Completely and apologies if I misunderstood you. One person's local 'family friendly, let the kids run riot' restaurant is another person's occasional treat.

That's why I don't buy the 'I'd never take my young kids to expensive places, I take them to much more suitable places' tripe. It is never 'suitable' for children (or indeed adults, dogs or anyone) to behave in a way that spoils the enjoyment of those around them, wherever they are and however expensive (or otherwise) the place is.

The only way to tech children to eat out in restaurants is my taking them and teaching them to behave. But I have seen children taken out and allowed to cause havoc running about knocking into people etc. I do believe children should go to restaurants but parents need to parent them.

You have manners, others don't and think that foisting their offspring on everyone else is OK.

@Loveydoveyduck

I think we have got here with this one ubove one of those lazy Shameless tv show style parents
can't be arsed to parent properly their children at cafes orrestaurants,

"its a pity Jeremy' Mckyle morning tv show isnt around for you to go in front of the audience,

Stick to going to weatherspoons and Maccdonalds cafes,

Of course it becomes Diner's 🙄 business when a child or toddler starts playing up and screaming 😱 or playing annoying loud electronic games 🎮 continously at full volume,

It makes dining experience an unpleasant experince..

I normally eat at 9 but if I go out there's nowhere around me taking bookings at that time ...and everyone I know eats earlier....all adults....I'm just outside London....the only place I could eat at 9 would be wetherspoons.

@Lovelyduck

once you know how to control your children so they don't create havoc,

then consirder attempting to go to a bit more refined cafes or resturants...

But I sense making assumptions based on that is what caused the OP’s situation…

Don't bother trying to read it then PERIOD

And how would you possibly know that? I see you've got some new glasses that involve this have you?

Give your head a good ole wobble lady.

I completely agree and I have a 5 & 2 year old. We enjoy fine dining but wouldn’t inflict our kids on others’ experience.

She says the baby was in a highchair.

Your posh restaurant is their regular
We don’t all eat our tea at 6.00pm

Teeny bit of class stereotyping/snobbery creeping on to this thread perchance?

Ooh aren't you edgy with your 'crying with laughter' emoji.

Apologies for the length and disjointed nature of my post, but there's many posts since I last read the thread:

I didn't "waste a decade" with early nights when my kids were little @user0224 I got babysitters when I could, or went out with friends while dad stayed in, or got takeaways, or did our family meals out at lunch time. It's not rocket science. It's being considerate of your child's needs and being a member of the wider society.

I'm regretting not telling parents to parent better on Saturday @MissScarletInTheBallroom

@Robinni🤦

If you can afford £150 per head, you can afford a babysitter for the night.

Why does their "one off" trump my long desired and waited for night out @BeeDavis ? How about my circumstances @anicecuppateaa @Brainded @Cruzey ? How do you know this wasn't a one off for me? My first night out in over a year? Or other diners in the restaurant?

@bloodyplumbing I'd been looking forward to my meal out for so long, there's no way 4 feckless parents were going to ruin it. I enjoyed the meal AND got frustrated with CF parents not parenting. Both happened together 😉

@SweetcornFritter Thank you for being considerate to those around you. I get you were hungry. I hope you managed to get a decent JustEat.

People can put their children to bed anytime they want. I don't care. Just don't bring them to a fine dining restaurant for their wind down before bed time. It's really simple.

I didn't think I'd have to check if my restaurant was child free either @Mt563 Seems I'm in the wrong there. I wish you luck as you run the gauntlet of your exclusive well earned treat🤞

I disagree a highchair means a restaurant wants to welcome children at 7.45. All Bar One cited above has highchairs at lunch, but it seems they have a policy to ban children later in the evening.

Of course, if they are screaming or crying we would take them outside until calm
There's the difference @pepperminticecream You crack on with doing you and yours, until it impacts on me and mine. These parents let the crying continue. Then it's not ok. And I will judge and talk to my partner about their feckless choices. Please read posts before commenting.

Those of you who have restaurants that specify child timings are in the minority imo. I've had a look and there's none near me. "Adults only restaurants" in Google gets me a very salubrious, erm, club, over an hour's drive away.

There may have been other children in the restaurant. I don't know, as I wasn't looking. The point is that if there were, their parents made sure the other diners weren't disturbed by them. Lots of you seem to be missing that point. Or the point that if you're a parent, your child's needs must come first. Leaving them slumped uncomfortably sleeping in a highchair, or having them communicating to you by screeching next to you, trying to show you they don't want to be there, so that YOU can have your fine dining experience is selfish to the core.

@Engaea That sweary mum significantly embarrassed herself. It made us giggle. I'm sad I missed @ttcat37 's posts. They also look quite embarrassing for them.

I am in full agreement @grumpynan .

We had an empty restaurant to ourselves three years ago @chaosmaker. Hell on earth. 6 members of staff for us 2 diners. The sommelier wanted to speak to us all night. Butted in on our conversations constantly. That was an awful experience. Be careful what you wish for!

I haven't forgotten what it's like to have young children @earther @JennyBeanR If one of my children decided to cry and scream when eating in a restaurant, whether McDonalds or high end, I know I chose to respect other diners when eating and to put my child's needs above mine. I wouldn't leave them crying for over an hour or slumped over the side of a highchair. I'd have least put that child on my lap to give them more comfort in their sleep and eaten one handed. It's what any parent should do. I loved dining out with my children when they were little... At the right time and the right place. Not disturbing others. That's the difference.

@loulo6098. That's completely the issue. A child who is fussing/tired to that extent is a child who needs to not be in a fine dining restaurant.

Becoming a parent means life changes. If you don't accept that, then I'm absolutely going to judge your parenting.

Those saying that "it's not like that on the continent"...I don't care. I'm not on the continent (with their longer evenings, their longer siestas and their warmer nights)

Point taken by those who are rightly saying the meal cost or location shouldn't make a difference. My children got the same treatment wherever we were when they were little. I stupidly expect other parents to care for their children and respect other diners like I used to when my children became squawky in a restaurant. Seems that's now more fool me. So many more selfish parents these days.

I've now rung this restaurant to enquire as to their policy. The staff member said it's not really a child place in the evening, but sometimes they have them. I told the staff member they need to decide if they do have them or not before I would make a booking. So they don't have a policy. I'd suggest they're relying on parental common sense. Which is dangerous, as one person's normal is another person's crazy.

I love wetherspoons for their national dog policy. All dogs are banned as the less well behaved ones ruin it for others. It seems like we're now getting to a point where businesses have to blanket decide if children are allowed in an establishment or not as the parents lacking common sense are ruining things for their other diners.

You sound stuck up.