Dressing up in sexy lingerie

[Justgoodforthegetting]

Topic inspired by the thread from the OP about how she doesn’t understand relationships going to shit after babies.

There seemed to be quite a lot of comments about the sexy underwear and the OP dressing up in sexy lingerie for her husband.

To clarify, the way the OP put it did make it seem like a bit of a desperate act in order to keep her husband happy but what is the general consensus on dressing up for a man (or woman) in this way?

I love to dress up in sexy lingerie for someone but would never do it if I felt it was to placate someone or keep them happy in some way, but I do like to see the reaction it gets and it makes me feel sexy and empowered.
How about everyone else?

IABU-sexy lingerie is outdated sexist nonsense.

IANBU-love sexy lingerie and wear it whenever the chance presents itself.

But there isn’t always a double standard in every relationship.
I like lingerie because I feel like it accentuates the parts of my body I like and makes the parts I don’t like look better. My husband wouldn’t agree, he is attracted to me as I am. Lingerie makes me feel more confident and the more confident I feel, the better the time in the bedroom is for me! I think it is a combination of the lingerie and my confidence/demeanor that is a turn on for my husband.

It doesn’t feel like a double standard for me because I do it mostly for myself. My husband does enjoy it too though and when I’ve gone to the effort of “getting ready” or gone to an effort to look differently than I do on the school run my husband puts in extra effort in other ways. Without going into too much detail, what my husband wears or looks like doesn’t turn me on as much as things that he does. I will wear lingerie sometimes; he will spend time doing things that I like. It doesn’t feel transactional, or that he feels he has to and it’s not always when I’ve worn lingerie. But there is an element of “ you’ve put in some extra effort here so I will match that energy” but in different ways.

I like pretty, more expensive underwear rather than 'sexy' for myself. I feel good knowing I'm wearing it and it gives me a boost. Husband is more happy with naked !!!!
Best reaction from him was when I wore the most ridiculous Christmas pudding outfit with boots ! I'm pretty sure it was the boots he loved rather than the pudding !!! 😂

Purely out of interest...do any of your (male) partners dress up sexily...in 'specially for sex' underwear?

Yes. Silk boxers. Usually if we were going out first. I would be just as happy if he were in his more every day stuff, but I liked him making an effort to feel special- I'm not sure if it was more for him or me. I wore dresses he liked, but they wouldn't be in my wardrobe if I didn't like them in the first place, and i wouldn't wear one i wasn't in the mood for that day.

I find the matching Freya and Panache knickers in Bravissimo and John Lewis (l buy 2 pairs of matching knix with every new bra) are comfortable, true to size and wash well.

It needs to be more widely known that men are often the ones who don't want sex, I see it so much on here

I love wearing something a bit more “special” for bed. Sometimes that’s an outfit, sometimes just a pretty set of underwear. As said by PP, it’s how it makes me feel first - my partners reaction/appreciation just enhances that.

I’m also fairly confident that if there was something I’d like my partner to wear in or to bed, he’d oblige / give it a go. Isn’t that part of what being partners and lovers is about?

Those that have mentioned laughing at partners or being laughed at - how awful 😞 I can’t imagine ever wanting to be intimate with the person who laughed ever again. There’s a difference between a shared giggle over a “fail” (e.g. the wet suit previously mentioned) and someone laughing at you when you’ve clearly made an effort and/or out of your usual comfort zone.

It should be each to their own - do what you want and makes you comfortable. Judgement not required from either side of the table.

I mean, I think men in general would rather see a naked woman than no naked woman. But there’s nothing wrong with wearing some sexy undies if you’re both into it, doesn’t mean you’re a “doll”

And whilst I wholeheartedly agree that women are not objects to be drooled over, context matters very much, being drooled over by some random man in the street is very different to the man you’re intimate with visibly desiring you and “drooling” over in this example some underwear you’ve put on for the occasion.
I rather enjoy being drooled over in this kind of scenario to be honest🤣

I have ‘dressed up’ for sex in the past with partners who found it a turn on, but most have said naked is best.

DH isn’t bothered by lingerie, but I do dress up in slinky sexy dresses, heels etc and that does have an effect. I’ve always done that though, so it’s more for me than him.

If my partner of 10 years walked in with sexy boxers on I would literally piss myself

He doesn’t bother to be fair with sexy underwear I will wear it occasionally and he does like it but it’s not a must for him he’s in n out in 2 mins anyway 😳😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-4191008/Man-caught-having-sex-DRAIN-COVER.html

And

https://metro.co.uk/2016/05/26/mans-sexual-encounter-with-a-drainpipe-caught-on-cctv-5906169/

Sexy eh!

@lotsofpeoplenametheirswords

JFC woman, read some feminist theory will you.

Individual empowerment isn't feminism. Feminism is about the liberation of all women and girls, specifically the most vulnerable in society.

I can't see how prancing around in knickers is sticking two fingers up to the patriarchy, however empowering you personally find it.

Where did I mention feminism? You think I dress for the benefit of Feminism. You think my sex life has anything to do with your version of feminism?

I will wear whatever I feel good in. Not for you, not for vulnerable women, not for anyone else but for me.

I also don't 'prance'. Is it just women in nice underwear you describe as 'prancing'?

@lotsofpeoplenametheirswords

Yes it's performative. We all know it is. You know it is. If you look on a lot of the posts on here, so does everyone else. And you quoted me, I said it's the biggest lie....it was in reference to liberal feminism.

I don't care if you want to wear sexy underwear for yourself or your partner, just don't pretend it's empowering. It's not, it's marketing.

I prance, because I do burlesque, pole, chair dance, floor work etc 😂
Not for the male eye, it's just a lot of fun!

Some 'feminists' also criticize those hobbies and say it's all for the mens gaze even though most of us never perform and it's just a fun hobby 🙄

There have been women who have taken the classes with zero confidence after divorces etc and say they find them so empowering and that they really boost their confidence in every way and are just a lot of fun.

My burlesque teacher even does some classes for pensioners sometimes and they all love it and have a ball. They're not stripping down to suspenders and fishnets but they're enjoying themselves and being playful and having a laugh with a bunch of women!

So is buying a can of soup in your local supermarket.

I have ‘dressed up’ for sex in the past with partners who found it a turn on, but most have said naked is best.

But it can be fun making them wait for naked...

If he wants to see me in it, he can pick it, buy it and I will wear it for an evening

So far he hasn't bothered his ass in 15 plus years. I tell him the above when he go's on about it. I have enough to manage without choosing underwear for him to get his rocks off

I didnt start the thread. This is not an internet forum about sex, more about mums and children, the clue is in the name Mumsnet, it's not called Sexnet.

The whole point is that I dont want to sit around and examine what adults like to wear during sex, hence me saying "dont mention your sex life on a forum "

See what I did there?

You could just ignore threads you're not interested in.

Haven't read whole thread but was thinking about this the other day - other animals don't need to dress up to have sex - I mean animals like apes, chimps, bears, dogs etc. Why do humans need to wear special clothes to have sex? Shouldn't it be about touching, anyway?

Some animals for stuff - bower birds, for example.

Dressing up in sexy lingerie sounds very old fashioned.
Wearing underwear that you like and feel good in sounds like a great idea.

Those animals need to give off pheromones to get the males excited to have sex. The males have no interest in them the rest of the time.

We don't need to.
But some people want to.
And some people like a variety in their sex life even if most of the time it's just about touching.